You cry out for attention, then claim you don't care if you get it or not.
You look only at the dark side of the world around you, and then blame everyone else for your inability to cope.
You claim that your false pride and honour forbid you to speak about the stuff going on inside you, unless its to what? 30,000 subscribers and complete strangers?
Of course I have strange, worrying, aberrant things going on in my head, but as a high functioning sociopath with a deep distrust of the human race, and the knowledge that whatever I do, the Police will eventually track me down regardless of their level of (in)competence, I don't worry about said things, or even consider acting on them. I certainly don't intend to share them with 30,000 potential witnesses.
Everyone wants to be unique, stand out from the crowd, to be noticed. Its endemic to the human condition. Ask any teenager, but be careful, some of those goth girls carry mace. How do I know? Moving on...
People lie. Understanding that people lie is the first step we take out of naiveté. Our parents lie to us - Santa isn't real people, but not all lies are meant to hurt. Some lies are meant to protect, either the person lying or the person being lied too. We lie because we worry what people will think of us if they knew the truth. We lie to get an advantage. We lie because , especially married people (the handbag was only 20 pounds darling), we want to avoid arguments. Lying is part of being human; not the best part, but part.
You claim to be a CEO, and yet you think that this forum is a suitable place for your soul baring. I suppose at a push I can see that the opinion of 30,000 complete strangers would be cheaper than therapy. Cheaper but not necessarily safer or even particularly relevant.
You actually come across as an hormonal teenaged goth girl (apologies to the many centred goths I know). The world hates me, I want to smash it all down, who cares that I have nothing to replace it with. rage rage rage.
The world doesn't hate you. It doesn't care about you, period. That's why we make connections; to insulate ourselves from the sharp corners of life. Friends care about friends, and if your friend doesn't care about you, your friend isn't a friend.
You have a roof over your head, a computer with an internet connection obviously, and at least one eve subscription. You claim to have a business, and that business more than likely has an undisclosed number of staff. Your life does not suck.
Therapy may not help you, but a reality check just might.