‘AFTER ACTION REPORT’ - ELITE PVP
Local Time - 7:45PM (3/24)
Pilot Status - Watching HBO’s Dexter in my captains quarters (it’s the episode about the doctor that euthanizes his patients and Dexter once again has his internal struggle to maintain a sense of code or honor)
So there I was, sitting in my captains quarters having just finished an episode of Dexter. I don’t get a lot of time for leisurely pleasures, but the Dark Lord was lenient on me today. I knew that since I had been blessed with some time to relax (I like to refer to it as “holo-reel and chill”) that it would be a good opportunity to search myself and see if there were any applicable life lessons that I could glean from the episode.
No there wasn’t. I realized that I actually hated Dexter for being overly annoying with his constant internal struggle to maintain some sense of normalcy while still being true to who he was. I found myself actually siding with the doctor in the episode, and thought that some euthanasia or assisted suicide might be exactly what I needed to cheer me up from that steaming pile 
of an episode.
I set out to try my hand at something new.
Local Time - 7:50PM (3/24)
Pilot Status - Undocked in Jita
So I knew that the Yulai Convention looks down in this sort of activity, but I just felt so inspired by the doctor in that episode that I just had to use this as a tool to please the Dark Lord. I sat in my Machariel and started cargo scanning for a suitable target. I hit my cargo scanner on a nearby Orca and saw that this pilot was carrying a whopping 8.7b in cargo!
I did what any normal person would do and just started ramming the ■■■■ out of his Orca. I soon realized that my bumping was much too hard, and decided to adjust my velocity to approximately 1/2 speed. Bumping Orcas can be difficult, and if you aren’t careful you can find yourself whiffing on bumps, giving the pilot enough time to escape. Attention to detail and focus are key here.
Local Time - 8:00PM (3/24)
Pilot Status - Rockin’ and rollin’
I crank up the tunes as I work hard to maintain control. I’m a huge Maynard fan, so naturally I’m listening to ‘A Perfect Circle - The Package’. Music helps me concentrate during battle, and I know that other FCs like myself sometimes use music to take the edge off.
I know that my goal is to not engage the target in honorable combat via dueling, and that this pilots death would be at his own hands. I decide that now is the time to establish contact and plant the first seeds of panic.
jokerdeluxe Niminen > hi
STOP AND FRISK > Hello there friend
STOP AND FRISK > Kill: goodluck aaaaa’s Charon
STOP AND FRISK > Kill: Sonia Morginson’s Ark
STOP AND FRISK > Kill: Jaghaatai Khan’s Nomad
STOP AND FRISK > Kill: Arina Roys (Orca) Kill: Hanzint (Charon) Kill: Qteck (Obelisk)
STOP AND FRISK > Do you want to live or die today?
STOP AND FRISK > You’re carrying a lot of stuff 
jokerdeluxe Niminen > live, trying to sell and give the money to new players in corp
It starts off naturally as it always does, but this time was different. I could feel the Dark Lord wanted to help me with this task.
“Have you seen Inception?” The Dark Lord inquires
“Nope” I reply
“It stars Leonardo DiCaprio and is a lovely science fiction action thriller. You must know how the movie plays out” The Dark Lord responds
Next thing I know I have all but actually watched Inception, right there in my Machariel. The Dark Lord blessed me with the entire recollection of the wonderful film and I use this movie as part of my arsenal.
Local Time - 8:05PM (3/24)
Pilot Status - Deep within the first of three layers of sub-conscious
STOP AND FRISK > ok then
STOP AND FRISK > I will let you go for 1b isk. If you send the isk I’ll let you go and add you to our list of pilots to not bump or gank.
STOP AND FRISK > If not you’ll end up as a killmail like the others.
STOP AND FRISK > So what’ll it be?
jokerdeluxe Niminen > i will send it after the sell
STOP AND FRISK > Sorry, we don’t operate like that
STOP AND FRISK > Would you be willing to do 500m now and 500m after?
STOP AND FRISK > If not, then there’s only 1 way this will end
jokerdeluxe Niminen > ill dump a bil in loot
jokerdeluxe Niminen > kill and chance loot drop or ill drop half of what i have so i can sell the rest
STOP AND FRISK > Ok, we have a deal if you drop half.
jokerdeluxe Niminen > how do i know you will follow thru and not kill me?
STOP AND FRISK > This is how I make my living.
> STOP AND FRISK > If I didn’t honor no one would pay
jokerdeluxe Niminen > whats you cargo limit
STOP AND FRISK > a freighter
STOP AND FRISK > gonna jettison or no?
jokerdeluxe Niminen > stop bumping and stay 40k off and ill drop 4 bil
STOP AND FRISK > That’s not how this works.
STOP AND FRISK > You either pay what we discussed or drop what we discussed.
STOP AND FRISK > or you die
STOP AND FRISK > and we’ll enjoy an nice explosion and really nice 8b killmail
STOP AND FRISK > closer to 10b really
jokerdeluxe Niminen > ones a useless blue print
STOP AND FRISK > its a 1b blueprint
jokerdeluxe Niminen > dropping momentaraly
STOP AND FRISK > Chimera Blueprint
jokerdeluxe Niminen > ill have to drop twice
jokerdeluxe Niminen > 1.6 out
STOP AND FRISK > nice try
jokerdeluxe Niminen > moving to drop the rest
STOP AND FRISK > that was 36m and 3m
The Orca pilot thought he would try and pull the wool over my eyes with a fast one, but I was quick to spot the deceit!
jokerdeluxe Niminen > it didnt drop the ships
STOP AND FRISK > Your price is going to increase if you mess around again
jokerdeluxe Niminen > 55 second wait
I’m in! I can feel it working! Not only was Inception an outstanding film, but the strategy of penetrating sub-conscious thought is directly transferable in serving the Dark Lord! I know that my task is not over as I’m still in the first of three mental layers. I see the silhouette of a door and there appears to be loud animal noises emitting from it. I press on with curiousity.
Local Time - 8:10PM
Pilot Status - Breached into the second of three layers of sub-conscious
The second sub-conscious layer was mostly an empty dark void of nothingness. There was… just black. I kept walking forward when all of a sudden I start hearing voices yelling at me. It was almost like that episode of Game of Thrones where Cersei Lannister was forced to walk down the street to the Red Keep naked in order to atone for her sins. The lady would ring a bell and cry, “SHAME!”
The voices grew louder and there was no mistaking their words:
“COME TO LOWSEC WHERE THERES REAL PVP!”
“YOU’RE NOT HONORABLE!”
“LOL HIGHSEC!”
I struggled for a moment, but I manged to press on…
STOP AND FRISK > this is your last chance
jokerdeluxe Niminen > 5 second
jokerdeluxe Niminen > dumped
jokerdeluxe Niminen > 5bil
STOP AND FRISK > abandon the cans
STOP AND FRISK > abandon the cans now
jokerdeluxe Niminen > done
Right before my eyes I was looking into a can that contained 5.2b in booty! I quickly worked to secure the load, but I knew that my work wasn’t done…
Local Time - 8:15PM (3/24)
Pilot Status - Creeping through the third layer of sub-conscious
This place… evil is all I could feel. I was walking through what I thought was water about 3 inches high, but I can’t be certain. Suddenly lighting flashes around me and I see a shadowy figure off in the distance. I let my curiosity get the better of me and decide to approach it.
STOP AND FRISK > ok now we’re going to kill you
jokerdeluxe Niminen > figured as much lol
jokerdeluxe Niminen > have fun with the loot
STOP AND FRISK > you gave me trash
jokerdeluxe Niminen > wtf its 5bil in loot
jokerdeluxe Niminen > so whats the plan now
STOP AND FRISK > We have our gank fleet headed here now
STOP AND FRISK > you ripped me off
jokerdeluxe Niminen > ahh ■■■■ you
jokerdeluxe Niminen > how fast is your fleet?
It was at this point that I knew I had him. He had already lost 5.2b, and was now coming to terms with it all while searching for the quick way out.
I didn’t realize it, but I was now upon the shadowy figure. It was a man, crouched down with his back to me. He wore no clothing and seemed to be eating… on what, I do not know. I tapped him on the shoulder and he suddenly stopped his feasting to turn around and stand up straight.
I WAS LOOKING INTO THE FACE OF @Siegfried_Cohenberg! He was holding the Orca pilots brain and had clearly been eating it as there was blood and brain matter all over his face and chest. I looked into his eyes and felt an emotion so familiar. Suddenly it all made sense! I looked at Siegfried inquisitively and asked, “Dark Lord?” to which he replied, “Yes.”
STOP AND FRISK > We were waiting out our criminal timers
STOP AND FRISK > headed here now
STOP AND FRISK > What you gave me in that can was trash
jokerdeluxe Niminen > bye
I started to weep and as I opened my mouth to speak he interrupted me and said, “IT… IS… FINISHED!!!”
Suddenly the ground began to shake and it seemed as if the entire world was collapsing underneath me. A bright light flashed before my eyes, and next thing I know I’m back in my Machariel staring at the brightest explosion I’ve ever witnessed.
I couldn’t believe it! Without firing a single shot I managed to slay the mighty beast! Once the explosion fizzled out, I went to take a look into the wreckage and found 1.5b in the wreck. I am still in shock as I warp my freighter back in to retrieve my spoils.
I now have a new found piece of mind as I know who the Dark Lord has been this entire time. My mission was never any different, but now it’s much clearer: TO MAKE SURE THAT CODE. ALWAYS WINS
TOTAL:
6.7b in loot dropped (estimated)
Total ISK in the pot:
110,000,000,000
