Here’s what I think ordinary life for lore-accurate capsuleers looks like, told through a slice-of-life evening in an Imperial Crusade station.
The story isn’t anything groundbreaking, but I spent a few days piecing it together and figured I might as well share it. I was mainly trying to portray capsuleers as actual people living in New Eden rather than as MMO characters constantly grinding through missions and PvP.
The focus is mostly on mundane stuff. The characters also discuss a major battle that happened two months earlier, with both capsuleers and non-capsuleers now living with the aftermath of it.
Supply Base Incident
Asghed 3: 24th Imperial Crusade Logistic Support
THE GILDED COVENANT Capsuleer’s Lounge and LP services : Fine Imperial Dining for Distinguished Capsuleers
Imperial Navy Wine: 12,000 ISK + 520 LP
Holder’s Reserve: 38,000 ISK + 380 LP
Gilded Amarr Bread: 24,000 ISK + 150 LP
Sacred Scripture Honey Cakes: 16,500 ISK + 150 LP
Sarum Prime Ribs: 85,000 ISK + 220 LP
Capsuleer’s Tasting Menu: 52,400,000 ISK + 12,000 LP
Tavian Cyrus, Aram Ardishapur, Kuigawa Reppola
Kuigawa Reppola: “So this is where you spend the LP?”
Tavian Cyrus: “Among other things.”
Aram Ardisphapur: “Don’t encourage him. He’ll spend it all on something stupid.”
Tavian: “That Capsuleer’s Tasting Menu sounds good. I think I’ll take it.”
Aram: “That costs 52 million ISK.”
Tavian: “Yes.”
Aram: “What ■■■■ are they putting in it?”
Kuigawa: “Probably the plate is expensive.”
CAPSULEER’S TASTING MENU
Five-course luxury Imperial dining experience.
Includes complimentary Grade 3 neural implants.
Aram: “…They’re putting implants in the food?”
Kuigawa: “I don’t think they’re literally putting them in the food.”
Aram: “Then why the hell is it 52 million? That’s more than that Stabber I killed.”
Tavian: “The implants.”
Aram: “I hate capsuleer lounges. Why can’t we just go down to the surface and head to a civilian baseliner place, food there costs basically nothing.”
Tavian: “You say that every time we come here.”
Aram: “Every time we come here, I find another reason to hate them.”
Rice Shower: “Um… maybe you don’t have to buy it?”
Tavian: “That’s the sensible option.”
Aram: “Thank you Rice.”
Tavian: “Which is why I’m going to buy it.”
Aram: “Oh come on.”
Rice Shower looks between them.
Rice Shower: “Is… 52 million really that much?”
Aram: “Yes.”
Tavian: “You’re a capsuleer Aram. You can afford it.”
Aram: “I don’t want to afford it.”
Tavian: “That’s because you’re poor.”
Aram: “I’m not poor.”
Tavian: “Says the guy who wanted to eat with baseliners.”
Kuigawa: “I could buy it if I want.”
Aram slowly turns toward him.
Aram: “Don’t encourage him.”
Tavian: “See? Even the new guy agrees.”
Aram: “He has the entire Ishukone megacorporation behind him.”
Kuigawa: “But I don’t want to.”
Tavian: “Wait what?”
Kuigawa: “Last time I had luxury Amarr food I got sick so I decided to just self destruct and get a new clone.”
Rice Shower: “…You what?”
Aram: “You know you lose your implants when you do that, right?”
Kuigawa: “Yes.”
Aram: “How much were they?”
Kuigawa: “Only four billion.”
Aram: “Only four billion?”
Kuigawa: “Ishukone paid for them.”
Aram: “That doesn’t make it better.”
Kuigawa: “It makes it cheaper for me.”
Rice Shower: “I don’t think that’s how inherited wealth works.”
Tavian: “That’s how you’re supposed to use inherited wealth, Rice. Someone finally gets it.”
Kuigawa: “It seemed easier. But if my body did like Amarr cuisine I would totally get it.”
Aram: “Don’t you already have Grade 5 implants?”
Kuigawa: “I could just leave the Grade 3s just or replace them with new Grade 5s after I’m done.”
Tavian: “That’s the most Caldari thing I’ve heard all day.”
Aram: “You two are ■■■■■■■ insane.”
Rice looks back at the menu.
Rice Shower: “I think I’ll just have the honey cakes.”
Aram: “Alright.”
Aram buys food for Rice Shower.
Tavian: “Coward.”
Rice Shower: “Sorry…”
Aram: “Don’t apologize. He’s the one spending 52 million ISK on dinner.”
Rice quietly takes a bite of her honey cake. A nearby group of capsuleers laughs.
Capsuleer 1: “You think that’s bad? You should’ve seen what they charged us after that battle.”
Kuigawa: “Which battle?”
Capsuleer 2: “The one with the supply base.”
Aram: “Oh god.”
Kuigawa: “What?”
Aram: “He’s talking about the supply base incident.”
Kuigawa looks up.
Kuigawa: “Supply base?”
Aram: “You haven’t heard about that?”
Kuigawa: “No.”
Tavian: “Oh, you’re in for a treat. The most devastating battle in the history of New Eden.”
Kuigawa: “What were the casualties?”
Aram pauses.
Capsuleer 3: “One.”
Kuigawa: “One titan?”
Aram: “A hologram got punched.”
Kuigawa: “…What?”
Capsuleer 2: “There were thousands of simulated losses.”
Kuigawa: “So this was just a mock battle? What the hell even happened?”
Aram: “The FC’s supply base got destroyed and she lost.”
Kuigawa: “So nobody actually died or podded?”
Aram: “No.”
Capsuleer 1: “But I’m glad to say, I survived the battle of Rulership’s supply base.”
Aram: “He means he survived watching the FC punch a hologram.”
Kuigawa: “What actually happened?”
Aram: “Rulership lost a mock battle with Air Groove and became extremely angry.”
Tavian: “Then she tried to punch a holographic officer and tripped.”
Capsuleer 2: “Funniest ■■■■ I’ve ever seen.”
Capsuleer 3: “Why weren’t you there?”
Kuigawa: “Trip to Jita. Ishukone needed me to do some hauling.”
Rice Shower: “How was it?”
Kuigawa: “I nearly got myself podded in an Ahbazon gatecamp on the way back.”
Capsuleer 2: “That’s nothing.”
Kuigawa: “Apparently.”
Capsuleer 3: “You missed Rulership throwing a tantrum, punching a hologram, falling over, and then getting dragged away by Air Groove.”
Kuigawa: “Air Groove?”
Tavian takes a drink.
Tavian: “Air Groove was the opponent during the match. After Rulership lost, Air Groove entered the bridge. Rulership turned from being an angry fleet commander to a scared child in about 3 seconds. Air Groove grabbed her and dragged her out of the room.”
Capsuleer 2: “She was screaming the whole way, saying she wanted to go play video games and didn’t want to do training. It was so funny, I was trying my hardest not to laugh at her.”
Kuigawa: “You were there?”
Capsuleer 1: “Of course I was there. And I survived.”
Aram: “You are never going to stop saying that, are you?”
Kuigawa: “So that’s the whole story?”
Tavian: “Pretty much.”
Kuigawa: “Thousands of simulated ships destroyed, a supply base wiped out, the FC having a complete breakdown, and a hologram getting punched.”
Aram: “Correct.”
Kuigawa: “And then Air Groove dragged Rulership away to training.”
Capsuleer 2: “That’s why everyone remembers it.”
Capsuleer 1: “The most devastating battle in New Eden.”
Kuigawa: “I should’ve never moved to Devoid.”
A sudden scream comes from across the lounge.
Rice Shower nearly drops her fork.
Rice Shower: “Eek!”
Kuigawa: “…Is that her?”
Tavian: “Yep.”
???: “WAAAH, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO…?! WHERE COULD I HAVE DROPPED MY WALLET…??”
Rice Shower: “Oh no…”
Aram: “Sit down.”
Rice Shower: “But she’s crying.”
Aram: “She’s fine.”
Rice Shower: “She doesn’t look fine.”
Rulership: “NO, NO, NO, NO! AIR GROOVE’S GOING TO SCOLD ME AGAIN!”
Tavian: “I want to see her get yelled at by Air Groove again.”
Rice: “That’s not funny!”
Tavian: “I didn’t say it was…Yet.”
Kuigawa slowly looks at Aram.
Kuigawa: “Is she always like this?”
Aram: “You’ve only seen her for 30 seconds.”
Rulership frantically searches under a table. Tavian talks to Kuigawa.
Tavian: “The wallet’s under your chair.”
Kuigawa: “Then why don’t you tell her?”
Tavian: “Because I want to see what happens.”
Kuigawa: “Fair enough. This is getting interesting.”
Rice Shower: “Hey… Rulership? I found it?”
Rulership: “Huh…? Wait, what did you say? You found my wallet?”
Tavian: “■■■■.”
She looks at Kuigawa’s chair. Rulership walks toward him, staring intensely at his jacket.
Rulership: “Move.”
Kuigawa: “What?”
Rulership: “Your chair.”
Kuigawa slowly moves his chair aside. She finds the wallet and picks it up.
Rulership: “New guy.”
Kuigawa: “Me?”
Rulership: “Sorry for the trouble. You have my thanks.”
Kuigawa: “Your welcome?”
Rulership: “An unexpected stroke of luck, a hanging piece. I’ll gratefully accept. In return, I swear I’ll accept any invitation to play a game.”
Kuigawa thinks for a moment.
Air Groove: “Ruler.”
Rulership freezes.
Rulership: “…Oh.”
Tavian: “There it is.”
Air Groove: “What are you doing?”
Rulership: “I… uh…”
She looks around nervously.
Rulership: “I was just… checking something.”
Air Groove: “Checking something?”
Rulership: “Yes.”
Air Groove: “You lost your wallet…”
Rulership: “I didn’t…”
Air Groove: “You screamed throughout the entire lounge.”
Rulership: “I found it.”
Air Groove: “I know. And now you’re coming with me.”
Rulership: “Where?”
Air Groove: “Training.”
Rulership: “WAAAAAAAIT!”
Air Groove grabs Rulership by the arm.
Rulership: “I JUST GOT MY WALLET BACK!”
Air Groove: “And you still have training.”
Rulership: “BUT I WAS GOING TO PLAY A GAME!”
She gets dragged away.
Tavian: “You’re fitting in wonderfully.”
Kuigawa: “I still hate this place.”
Aram: “Now you’re getting it.”
Tavian: “Welcome to the 24th Imperial Crusade.”
2 months earlier
Supply Base Incident (flashback)
Mock battle simulator: MINMATAR VICTORY.
Rulership: “Eh?.. YADA YADA YADA! YOU!”
Rulership attempts to punch a simulated capsuleer bridge officer.
His holographic body glitches as her fist passes straight through him.
Rulership loses her balance and trips on the ground.
THUD.
The other officers are holding their laughter.
Simulated Amarr Capsuleer: “Would you like to review the battle?”
Rulership screams. The door to the bridge opens.
Air Groove: “RULER.”
Air Groove enters the room
Rulership: “Eek!”
Air Groove grabs Rulership.
Air Groove: “I’ve had enough of your nonsense. I’ve done your silly battle. Now it’s time to train.”
Rulership: “Wait, hold on! Please let me go, Air Groove! I wanted to play through my backlog of games today!”