Just because two things share similarities, does not make them one and the same, Aria. Differences are just as defining as shared traits – just because we might share a point of philosophy on our nature, does not mean we share a similar context of that nature. My disregard for social convention stems from an old betrayal when I was disabused of their importance to me. The result was disillusionment and a wariness of the vulnerability that comes with giving a damn. That is not to say I have that which I find important, I am just cognizant that the very things I care about can also be used to hurt me – that is why I ensure to keep them well hidden through personal obfuscation and deflection.
I do not wear my heart on my sleeve by necessity and design.
There is no cure for my neuro-divergence, Aria – it can only be managed. I do not perceive and experience the universe the same as you or as most of humanity do. I can intellectualize or abstract certain aspects of the human experience but my fundamental understanding remains distinct from others.
My path is not righteous – far from it. In my view, self-righteousness and the ability to justify or rationalize the worst violence and atrocity in service to a cause is much worse than that which I inflict. My vengeance and the death I inflict is not righteous, far from it, it is purely selfish. It also spares me the need to argue why the cause to which I kill is more justified than the cause to which others kill. In order that I can tell myself the adrenaline and dopamine hit from inflicted violence was for some higher or greater purpose, that the dead deserved it, they were the enemy.