The Theology of Failure has Failed

Fiction Portal Intergalactic Summit
1

The Theology of Failure has Failed.

What do I mean by that ? Well may you ask.

The Sani Sabik, were once feared throughout all of known space, until civilisation encountered the Caldari, Gallente, and Jovians, in the enlargening of known space that occurred 183 years ago. After that, the Sani Sabik were only feared in about 40% of known space, in the civilised part, whilst remaining largely unknown in the wider barbarous wastelands.

Since then, what happened ? The culter pirates that once roamed the Bleak Lands became the Blood Raiders, and for a couple of decades starting 43 years ago, Omir Sarikusa became somewhat known, sufficiently so as to be mentioned in a nursery rhyme to scare disobedient children. What a lofty achievement.

And where is Omir now, one may ask ?

Well, the Blood Raiders were never more than a nuisance in known space, Omir claimed to have assassinated the Emperor, but that was never proven. And since then, the Blood Raiders have achieved… a hallucinogen attack on a few worlds, that “Deathglow” malarkey.

Well woop de fardling doo. What an asinine achievement.

Where are the Blood Raiders now ? Their threat to civilisation has since been eclipsed by none other than the Equilibrium of Man, who everyone thought were just wackos, but turn out to be capable of fielding capital class ships in sufficient numbers to be an actual threat requiring the Imperial Navy to respond in force.

Meanwhile, across the uncivilised areas of known space, we have synthpop musicians claiming to be Sani Sabik, in the barbarous wastelands of Gallente space. What an ignoble state of affairs.

And the name that people whisper in fear, isn’t “Omir Sarikusa”, it is “Pseudonymous Q. Deathless”, because this “Deathless” punk, some cyborg wacko with implants up the wazoo, is now the big scary person de jour, or “of the day” as the uncivilised Gallente would say. And now the Guristas, the erstwhile allies of the Blood Raiders, have thrown their lot in with this punk, rather than continue associating with Omir.

Thusly, the theology of failure has failed, and it is Omir Sarikusa that is fardeling it all up.

Omir doesn’t scare children, they lack the concept of death. I’m scarier to children, because I would make them do homework after school, which is a concept they are familiar with and terrified by.

It is AD 23363, or YC127 in the new calendar, and it is time for a change.

If the Covenant deposes Omir, and seeks a replacement, then I would be willing to step down from my role as Archprofessor of Archaeology at Kaztropolis Imperial University, and lead them to a new era of greatness.

My strategy includes:

  1. Cakes and Pastries to convert the barbarians.
  2. Explanatory Leaflets to astound the literate.
  3. Large Quantities of Cheese.
  4. Construction of an enormous golden statue of the greatest sani sabik capsuleer philosopher of the modern era (myself)

The Theology of Failure has Failed, it is time to make it Work Again !

1 Like
2

What kind of cheese are we talking about here?

1 Like
3

Hard cheese. The kind that comes in blocks, that you can slice and apply onto bread products.

Did you think I meant squeezy cheese ?

1 Like
4

Still sounds terribly vague. How do you expect this to get any traction with such nondescript cheese?

5

Really ? That’s the entirety of your argument ? The only thing you have a problem with ? That the cheese is insufficiently described ?

The Riddle of Cheese is not the issue here.

Really, this is the kind of puerile dilettantism that I’d expect from the worst of the uncivilised Gallente, rather than from someone of a Caldari origin.

6

I do not really give a damn about neither your nor Omir’s cults beyond clearing them out whenever they overstep their boundaries and end up in civilized space.

Cakes, pastries and cheese sound nice though. That you continuously seem to evade this fairly simple, cheesy clarification though does not bode well about this.

7

What exactly is the definition of “civilised space” you’re using here ?

Hard red cheese. Satisfied now ?

8

But the cheese is not the issue. The issue is the complete ineffectiveness of leadership.

Alienating allies to the point the Guristas abandoned the triple pact, to throw in with the Angle Cartle and this faceless deathless tube.

Squandering the scientific lead the Covenant had over everyone else, and for what ?

We’ve had the technology for creating clone legions of cyberenhanced genemodded berzerkers for decades, since before this deathless nonsense, since before the Templar project, since before a whole bunch of things, and what has Omir done with this ?

ABSOLUTE BUGGER ALL THAT’S WHAT

9

  1. Does acceptance of the cheese obligate me to subscribe to or act in furtherance of the stated political objectives?

  2. If 1 is there a mechanism of review and/or enforcement or is this on the honor system?

10

If you consume cheese late at night and have strange dreams as a result, that’s your own fault.

11

And now we know your cheesy aspirations of leading the Blood Raider Covenant.

If you are serious about any kind of leadership in the Covenant, you are going to need to cut the cheese.

2 Likes
12

Stabbing blocks of cheese with sharp implements has little other than therapeutic value.

1 Like
13

I like cheese.

1 Like
14

What about blood?

1 Like
15

I don’t know how to answer that

1 Like
16

Some people say things like 'I’m not a fan of blood", while also walking around being made of meat with litres of blood sloshing around.

Curious.

1 Like
17

So far as I can tell the only thing they’ve done of note recently is conduct their yearly ritual where they come out of the woodwork to feast on all the bad warclones and egg the Temple of St. Tetrimon.

It’s… It’s inconvenient and terrifying sure. I don’t want to belittle them or anything. It’s very scary when they nab up our warclone blanks and squeeze us like a big juicebox for their blood parties. But. I don’t know. Its scary in like a safe way? Like we know its going to happen each year and it gives us a good spook that the warclone community can joke about for a month? Then it ends and, y’know, we all go back to what we were doing until next year.

I guess what I’m saying is that the Blood Raiders kind of filled the role of “local scamp” or “teenage pranksters” recently that’s so far only been a minor inconvenience. If you’re reading this Blood Raiders, I know I go through the song and dance each year of “noooooo don’t eat me don’t turn me into juice don’t drain my corpse for your unholy orgies of violence stoooop!” But the truth is after so many years I’m… kind of just okay with it? Like, you guys were draining the blood of children at one point so if you need to mack on a few of our clones once a year to fill up your blood cellars and not do that then hey. Go apeshit honestly.

1 Like
18

The one and ONLY thing the Federation does better than the State is cheese. We love a good, soft brie wrapped in puff pastry and a fruit compote, don’t we folks? State cheese has a nondescript oily film to it that tastes, I don’t know, like cafeteria lunch pizza cheese. Which is weird because we can do other forms of dairy so well. You ever had Landfall City ice cream? Oh dude, forget about it.

19

Exactly. Kind of anticlimactic, isn’t it ?

Especially with all the tools that I know are available.

I had a pretty good conversation recently with @MantelGlobalIndustries about the morality of deploying man-made horrors beyond comprehension for trite political purposes, and the resultant proliferation that would inevitably ensue.

I certainly could deploy such horrors, were I to insist on leadership of the Covenant by force. My academic endeavours have certainly uncovered the existence of such.

However, what would deploying horrors beyond comprehension make me ? A villain greater than Sansha Kuvakei, that’s what.

1 Like
20

I am confident that I could comprehend those horrors perfectly fine, personally.