Is President Aguard A Skinfiltrator ?
A question asked across multiple social media platforms in the Federation in recent times, as the Federal Government makes repeated policy errors, culminating in the disastrous handling of the Drifter Crisis, that led to the ongoing suspension of Presidential elections.
But is there any truth to the rumours ? Gutter Press conducted a no-holds-barred investigation into the matter !
What Is A Skinfiltrator ?
A Skinfiltrator is an entity, purporting to be human, that is wearing the skin of someone else. Some are foreign agents, some are Triglavians or Jovians, but a large proportion of them are Rogue Drones wearing People Suits !
Why is President Aguard Suspected ?
President Aguard is suspected of being a skinfiltrator due to the detrimental policy choices made by her administration, and her personal history of having been assassinated in YC122 and resurrected via backup clone.
Is There Any Evidence ?
Gutter Press conducted an extensive investigation into the question, interviewing thousands of persons over the past year, and following multiple avenues of inquiry.
We contacted Anomalous Audio Analysis, a company specialising in sound analysis of the oceanic life in the five planets of Allipes with extensive oceans, who analysed speeches of President Aguard going back to before her assassination, when she was Governor of Mies.
We also contacted Verbal Variance Validation, an etymology company based in Vittenyn, studying language across the Federation, to analyse the textual content of President Aguards public speeches.
In addition to analysing the speech pattern and voice of President Aguard, we also investigated her physical appearance, as skinfiltrators can be recognised through subtle appearance clues.
Prurient Picture Procurement, a Pozirblant-based image agency supplying numerous gossip agencies in Gallente space, provided a large amount hi-resolution imagery, including LIDAR scans of President Aguard’s body from public appearances, for multiple years both before and after her assassination.
Salacious Story Sourcing, a rumour distribution outfit from Stetille, also came up with a number of leads, into President Aguard’s movements and activities over the past years.
Is President Aguard A Skinfiltrator ?
After exhaustive analysis of the available evidence, Gutter Press came to the conclusion that:
There is no evidence that meets Gutter Press’s interstellarly renowned standards of credibility, and therefore, President Aguard is not a Skinfiltrator !
The Horrifying Truth !
The horrifying truth of the recent failings of the Gallente Federal Government, is that they are home-grown and not the result of enemy action or outside interference ! The policy mistakes are being made by the Federation’s own expert advisors and thinkers that advise the Federal government !
Detailed Data Analysis
Analysis of the text and voice of President Aguards speeches failed to find any unexplainable anomalies in voice tones, or any unusual word choices, that would indicate impersonation by a foreign entity. Speech analysis was also found to be consistent with being the same person, which excludes the possibility of impersonation by a Gallente operative.
The imagery and LIDAR scans of President Aguard revealed that while her chest is slightly perkier since her assassination, this is consistent with a clone restoration, as the supporting ligaments will not have been stretched by gravity. Sufficient asymmetry was detected as to rule out impersonation by a Rogue Drone, as these have always appeared with perfectly symmetrical breasts, which is one of the key identifiers of a Rogue Drone wearing a People Suit.
Analysis of President Aguard’s social events and movements were also found to be consistent both pre and post assassination, further ruling out the probability of impersonation.
Reactions !
”Skinfiltrators are easily recognised by their symmetry. The machines are incapable of manufacturing anything without defects. That’s also how they convince people, normally symmetry indicates a healthy individual with good genes, and the instinct is to find them attractive”, explained a xenocyberneticist working for the FIO.
”I saw a symmetrical exotic dancer this one time”, said a bar patron in Dodixie. “She transformed into a gun and shot a hole in the station when the police turned up and escaped”
”Have you any idea how much this farce cost ?”, asked an accountant working for Gutter Press.
”Oh, the rogue drones are soo easy to spot, honey”, said an exotic dancer in Auvergne. “You never see them crying backstage, and they get huge tips despite their unoriginal routines”
”At least they’re more realistic these days”, said an exotic dance club manager. “The early girls had rubber skin and could be spotted a mile off. Was kind of heartbreaking telling them we couldn’t employ them, they looked so sad"
”A skinfiltrator broke my pelvic bone”, said a Federal Marine. “Worth it though”
Gutter Press. News and Analysis.