Rapid Withdrawal - We Specialize in Pulling Out

Oh. Where you going?.. Oh, you men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you’re out with the boys to boast and brag. YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Oh… I think I love him.

Recruiting Open!

Well, dude, dude, think about it. She’s out in the middle of nowhere with some dude she barely knows. You know, she looks around and what does she see? Nothin’ but open ocean. “Ahh, there’s nowhere for me to run! What am I gonna do, say no?”

Recruiting Open!

I feel like a little boy who’s lost his first tooth, put it under his pillow, waiting for the tooth-fairy to come. Only two evil burglars have crept in my window, and snatched it, before she could get here… Wait a second, do you understand the CONCEPT of the tooth-fairy? Explain it to them… Wait. She takes the god damned thing, and gives you a quarter. They’ve got my tooth. I want it back.

Recruiting Open!

Really? Well, on my planet, we have a legend about people like you. It’s called Footloose. And in it, a great hero, named Kevin Bacon, teaches an entire city full of people with sticks up their butts that, dancing, well, is the greatest thing there is.

Recruiting Open!

You’re just going to have to figure out what it wants. What is its motivation?

Recruiting Open!

Things change. Always do. You’ll get your chance! Important thing is, when it comes, you’ve got to grab with both hands, and hold on tight!

Recruiting Open

Bunch of slack-jawed ■■■■■■■ around here. This stuff will make you a god damned sexual Tyrannosaurus, just like me.

Recruiting Open!

The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long - and you have burned so very, very brightly!

You wanna play it soft. We’ll play it soft. You wanna play it hard. Let’s play it hard.

Recruiting Open!

“What makes a man a man?” a friend of mine once wondered. Is it his origins? The way he comes to life? I don’t think so. It’s the choices he makes. Not how he starts things, but how he decides to end them.

Recruiting Open!

You choke the chicken before any big date, don’t you? Tell me you spank the monkey before any big date. Oh my God, he doesn’t flog the dolphin before a big date. Are you crazy? That’s like going out there with a loaded gun! Of course that’s why you’re nervous. Oh my dear friend, please sit, please. Look, um, after you’ve had sex with a girl, and you’re lying in bed with her, are you nervous? No, you’re not, why?

Recruiting Open!

Wrong! It’s 'cause you ain’t got the baby batter on the brain anymore! Jesus, that stuff will ■■■■ you’re head up! Look, the most honest moment in a man’s life are the few minutes after he’s blown his load - now that is a medical fact. And the reason for it is that you’re no longer trying to get laid, you’re actually… you’re thinking like a girl, and girls love that.

Recruiting Open!

You slammed her! You dunked her donut! You gave her dog a Snausage! YOU STUFFED HER LIKE A THANKSGIVING TURKEY!

Recruiting Open!

Half the people here wanna reprogram you. The other half wanna put a hole in your head.

Recruiting Open!

What about a gross of fluorescent condoms for the the novelty machine in the men’s room? I mean, those are fun even when you’re alone.

Recruiting Open!

You kick in the door to my house all ants in your pants, sucking my left nut to get a TiVo scrap for the 3rd runner-up “sexiest man alive” 1998… And you’re asking if I’m SERIOUS?

Recruiting Open!

No problem. And while you’re at it, why don’t you go climb that pole over there and take a big steamy piss on the power lines? Look, I’m not here to twist your niblets. I’m here to save your life. But if I’m going to do that, I’ll need total uninanonynymity.

Recruiting Open!

This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Groundhog Day used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to eat it. You’re hypocrites, all of you!

Recruiting Open!

When I was a little kid, I kinda had this problem. And it’s not even that big of a deal, something like 8 percent of kids do it. For some reason, I don’t know why. I would just kinda… sit around all day… and draw pictures of dicks.

Recruiting Open!

All we do it win!