Just when I thought you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this… and totally redeem yourself!
Recruiting Open!
I have something to say! It’s better to burn out than to fade away!
Recruiting Open!
Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call… Preparation H.
Recruiting Open!
You have two choices. Option “A,” you give me the ring. Option “B,” I make you give me the ring.
Recruiting Open!
You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack… it grew by one. So there… there were two of us in the wolf pack… I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, “Wait a second, could it be?” And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!
Recruiting Open!
It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.
Recruiting Open!
You’re going to look pretty silly with that knife sticking out of your ass.
Recruiting Open!
If I wanted a joke, I’d follow you into the john and watch you take a leak. Now are you gonna help me or are you gonna stand there like a slab of meat with mittens?
Recruiting Open!
I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don’t have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya… it feels phenomenal.
Recruiting Open!
That man is playing Galaga! Thought we wouldn’t notice. But we did.
Recruiting Open!
Now I don’t have to tell you good folks what’s been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I’m leaving.
Recruiting Open!
That was my virgin-alarm. It’s programmed to go off before you do!
Recruiting Open!
Any fool with a bit of luck can find himself born into power. But earning it for yourself, that takes work.
Recruiting Open!
One pod left and three of us and I’m the President. Well, boys, it’s a very lovely ship. I think you should go down with it.
Recruiting Open!
From that fateful day when stinking bits of slime first crawled from the sea and shouted to the cold stars, “I am man.”, our greatest dread has always been the knowledge of our mortality. But tonight, we shall hurl the gauntlet of science into the frightful face of death itself. Tonight, we shall ascend into the heavens. We shall mock the earthquake. We shall command the thunders, and penetrate into the very womb of impervious nature herself.
Recruiting Open!
Asleep for the danger, awake for the money, as per frickin’ usual
Recruiting Open!
Okey dokey, Okey dokey. Lets fire blue particle cannons full, red particle cannons full, gannet magnets fire them left and right, and let 'em run all chutes. And while you’re at it, why don’t ya toss that at 'em killer
Recruiting Open!
Here’s the thing. Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief commercial-like breaks of happiness. This had been the ultimate commercial break. Which meant it was time to return to our regularly scheduled programming.
Recruiting Open!
My father used to say that a man can never outdo a woman when it comes to love and revenge.
Recruiting Open!
Female hyenas have a kind of mock penis. You figure it out.
Recruiting Open!