Should come packaged with:
Fedo Eau de Cologne
Come to think of it, those of us that play the game a lot probably already smell like Fedo’s.
Imagine that Chronicle written slightly differently (read in David Attenborough voice):
The EVE Player is an omnivorous, sponge-like creature. It has reddish skin and numerous small claw-like tentacles which it uses to move around and protect itself. A primitive being, the EVE Player’s method of eating and absorbing nutrition is slow and inefficient. This means that food stays for a long time in the EVE Player’s body, and will most often have rotted or turned foul before the animal passes it out of its system. EVE players eject fumes from their body which, for the reasons explained above, have a most horrible odor. EVE Players possess a fantastic sense of smell and so use these fumes to communicate with each other; they are however both blind and deaf, having no eyes or ears. The mouth is located on the underside of the beast, and the EVE Player feeds by positioning itself over the food and lowering itself down on it.
Hmm, I think there’s a whole website that can be constructed out of this. A kind of “EVE Embelishments” site where you pick a target (eg. F1 Pusher, CCP Dev, Highsec Ganker, Carebear, etc.) and a chronicle is chosen at random to rewrite like above.