Akadeimia Keipouron: We'll teach YOU HOTT Space-Knowledge Sexytimes!

Recruitment is open! Don’t listen to the “haters”! They don’t understand your experimental fashion concepts! Not like we do!

Recruitment is open! If you’re looking for helpful tips on things like gardening, experimental poetry, “lifestyle” blogging, or how to shoot reds right in their stupid face, with missiles, we have lots of helpful tutorials to help you with all of these things!

Recruitment is open! There’s a whole world of new things to learn with us! For example, did you know that the latest trends in experimental makeup concepts have completely redefined things like “beauty” and “facial features” and “face”? It’s true! Visit us to find out how!

Recruitment is open! If you’re feeling unsure about whether you’re ready to dive into EVE, don’t worry! Everybody’s nervous about it their first time, and we’re here to help you! We are the gentle teachers with the strong hands, and we love you.

Recruitment is open! I made brownies!

Recruitment is open! Be ready to step into the great wild openness of deep space, and experience new and confusing things! We’ll help!

Recruitment is open! If you’ve ever come stumbling out of your home station’s greenhouse section with dirt under your fingernails and in your nostrils, with somebody else’s clothes on and no memory of the last week, don’t worry! It’s a frequent occurrence! We do it all the time, and we’ll gladly help you sort things out when you lurch back into civilization!

Recruitment is open! If you need people with extensive political connections, who know just the right places to make discreet payments in order to make some “recent unpleasantness” disappear from media stories, come talk to us! Our specialists are here to help you in this difficult time!

Recruitment is open! If you’re worried about how “call out posts” might affect your exploration of things that give you exciting and confusing emotions on social media, like “ewar” or “logi,” don’t be afraid! At AKS, we’ll never “kink shame” you for your enthusiasms, because we love you.

Recruitment is open! I made cupcakes!

Recruitment is open! Don’t worry about what “haters” are saying about your favorite celebrity couple on social media! Love is not dead, and there is hope! Just drop by and our experts in crisis management will help you through it!

Recruitment is open! If you’re looking to explore your feelings about things you’ve heard about in EVE, but were too nervous to try, don’t be shy! Here at AK.S, we are happy to help you experience a whole universe of new and confusing emotions about spaceship things! We’ll never “kink shame” you, because we love you.

Recruitment is open! Remember: there are always healthy ways to deal with negative emotions, and one of the most effective is to shoot reds right in their stupid face, with missiles! Ask us how, and be amazed at how quickly you discover peace of mind!

Recruitment is open! We are confident, when all the facts come to light, that these allegations will be proven to be groundless, and we can put all of that recent unpleasantness behind us!

Recruitment is open! Come discover the wonders of nature with us!

Recruitment is open! It turns out, nature is full of horrors, so nevermind! Come discover the wonders of outer space with us!

Recruitment is open! Don’t worry, this will all make sense once our trained experts help you sort things out!

Recruitment is open! We have returned from a walkabout in the wilderness, but you really have to ask yourself: are we the same person that wandered off into the void a week ago? Did all of us really come back?

Recruitment is open! I made cupcakes!

Recruitment is open! Don’t let yourself get discouraged by “haters” on social media! Your breakfast-pastry enthusiasm is not “problematic”; it’s beautiful and natural, and we’ll never make you feel ashamed for it, because we love you.