(pictured: you, in space, which is big and lonely)
you know what is your very favorite thing, if you are A Troll? It’s when you’re flying around, and you find these noobs, and they’re just sitting there, the dummies, being “carebears” or whatever; and you run in, blow them up, yell something grammatically questionable about “harvesting tears” and then fly back to high-five your buddies about how you “cucked” them. It’s the best!¹
You know what isn’t fun for you? It’s when you go to do that thing, but instead of exploding in a shower of sissy-bits, those noobs come charging out in combat ships, and they are better at it than you, and you can’t shoot them because your ship has been transformed into a rapidly expanding ball of new and exciting forms of matter and you are in your pod, and now (plot twist!) you are the cuck!²
Akadeimia Keipouron SVK (“Gardeners’ Academy”) is a training corp dedicated to helping you, new and newer pilots, on your journey in New Eden, and we provide you with the tools to get there! We want to help you become your Best Self, and that means teaching you how to shoot the bejeezus out of Those Reds right in their stupid face, with missiles!
What can we do for you? Let’s sexsplore, together!
Like that shipcaptain you met at a party that one time who made you feel all kinds of new and confusing feelings, we treat you right. Look at what we offer you!
- Free delivery of up to 160k m³ of your stuff into our space from hisec!
- A solid, step-by-step skill-plan to get you into into ships from the first week, the first month, the first year.
- Hands-on training! We believe you learn best by doing, so you gain practical experience from the start.
- All the skillbooks you need, all the ships you need for doctrines, on hand at reduced/no cost. Ships pre-fit to simplify your life.
- Ship Replacement Program to reimburse losses (so you never can’t participate because you lost your only ship).
- An extensive network of citadels, industry, mining.
- Lots of targets to shoot. #content
- Lots of different ways to get spacerich. #werk
- We do not require you to attend anything mandatory! There’s always plenty to do, but we’ll never force you to do things, because we understand you and respect your boundaries.
We live in between the Amarr/Minmatar faction war space and Providence, part of a network of NRDS alliances working together to liberate the latter from Those Reds (who have usurped it and turned it into a barren wasteland filled with suck). We have lots of opportunities for fights in every direction! We are part of the Red Alert Coalition, and our alliance (APOC) has a large and diverse family of corps at all hours of the day to help you. It’s a vibrant, active space, with lots to see and do, and plenty to learn.
Are you that special someone we’ve been waiting for all these years to show up in our lives and spark joy? Maybe!
- Are a new(er) pilot and want to step out of hisec (to make more ISK, to get more fights, to be part of something greater)
- Want to work with a great team of pilots, have a positive attitude
- Want to learn
- Want to have an active role in your own EVE journey (not just cannon fodder, but actively doing stuff)
- Have any skill level, from brand new to veteran
- Are from any timezone (though we’re especially interested in Pacific timezones [North American West Coast, AU, China/Japan/RoK])
- Are at least (roughly) three months old (do some tutorial missions! They’re quite good! We’re flexible on this)
- Can use voice comms (Teamspeak). A working mic isn’t required, but strongly encouraged.
Lookit all these spaceships! This could be you, holy crap!
Akadeimia Keipouron, and our parent alliance, are awesome people who explicitly recruit pilots from all backgrounds and identities. We actively seek pilots from underrepresented groups, and promote an environment of mutual tolerance and support. We don’t tolerate hate speech, discrimination, bigotry or general douchebaggery. You won’t have to put up with bile-spewing s**tlords with us, because those losers get booted. Hop on comms and enjoy the sound of people not being jerks!
How to Apply:
- Contact Elassus Herron in-game, either via mail or in our public channel (Gardeners’ Embassy)
- Visit our Discord! https://discord.gg/7ggZZ5f. You can hang out and serve up dog memes all day! We love that stuff!
- Once you’re accepted, we’ll walk you through getting out to our space and set up.
UPDATE: CCP Devs, We’ll Help You!
As per this recent posting, CCP devs are now allowed to play EVE out in the open, right there in front of Empress Jamyl and everybody, hurrah! We’d like to extend a special offer to any and all CCP devs who would like to experience living in NRDS nullsec, and would like somebody dedicated to showing them how things work out here (while also learning this wonderful game they make), to apply to join. We’ll hook you up! Just drop us a line by any of the options above!
Join our corp! We’re here to make your EVE journey the best, and we’ll pamper you all day like some sugar-daddy. Not like those trolls you just blew up with the ship we gave you, who don’t understand you. They aren’t your real dad, and don’t really love you.
¹ We mean, of course, besides eating your own poop, which Those Trolls have been proven, by SCIENCE, to love more than anything else in the whole universe.
² Of course, since we are decent people we don’t use “cuck” as a pejorative, because we don’t have some weird obsession with other people making sweet love to our partners, probably while we watch and feel self-loathing shame. But they seem to care an awful lot about that sort of thing, and so we take pleasure in thwarting their efforts at forced cuckoldry.