Baseliner who Allegedly “Put Out Hits” on Fed Nominees Apprehended!

SCHOORASANA, SINQ LAISON – A maintenance worker stationed at the Caldari megacorp CBD’s Planet VI, Moon 6 storage facility in the southern Gallentean system has been apprehended and detained by a currently unknown agency, due to allegedly boasting about putting out hits on all the nominees challenging for the Federation Presidential position. Gutter Press reports.


Gutter Press has learned some tidbits about the identity of this maintenance worker via associates who perform similar work at the station. He is apparently a middle-aged man of Ni-Kunni ancestry, having been contracted out to many different Amarrian corporations for similar maintenance work on various stations before finding his way to the CBD station in Schoorasana. Usually of sound mind, his behavior had become notably more erratic, often driven to anger over inconsequential occurrences throughout his work and leisure time. During one notable moment of outrage, the same in which he boasted about his hits, he damaged tables and spilled multiple trays of food on to the mess hall floor, prompting his associates to subdue him and return him to his quarters.

“I’ve never seen anything like it in my life,” a mess hall line worker commented. “Seeing (REDACTED) destroy company property like that. Hell, if we were in Caldari space, Spacelane would have taken him faster than the Feds probably did.”

Gutter Press has reached out to CBD agent Sukkenen Shiriken to comment on the situation, who seemed reluctant to release a statement, but eventually responded with the following:

“Mr. (REDACTED) is a contracted engineer and maintenance officer and holds no official ties to the CBD Corporation or our beliefs. As a result of his actions, CBD has voided the contract with Mr. (REDACTED), finding him in violation of multiple policies regarding contracted staff.”


Schoorasana is located near a border with the Bleak Lands, the original home of the murderous Blood Raiders. With their incursions in to surrounding space, they seem to have also brought their boosters with them as well.

“Unfortunately, there are more cases of mindflood abuse here in Spaen than anywhere else in the Federation,” stated Caille University medical staffer Lour Alberoure. “I wouldn’t be surprised if any recent innovations in neurotoxin recovery comes from the work we’ve been doing here to treat those that are abusing mindflood.”

Ms. Alberoure also stated that she “considered it plausible” that the worker could have also been a mindflood abuser, noting that spontaneous anger is one of many symptoms of the booster’s abuse. Others around the Caille University station had different ideas, however.

“If you ask me, I wouldn’t be surprised if those CBD bastards organized all of the assassination attempts themselves,” stated independent miner Dallocon Patresier, who mines in and around the Ney system. “They get one of their expendable non-Caldari laborers to take the blame for it all, while they try to murder our politicians behind the scenes. Let me tell you, I mine and manufacture out here all the time, and those Caldari are bleeding all my business dry with their cheap (expletive). Forget about that druggie, if the government takes anything away from this, it should be that those CBD (expletive)s are causing trouble and don’t belong here!”

Gutter Press reached out to CBD officials to confirm if any drug paraphernalia was found in the worker’s dormitory, yet no reply on the matter has been given to us.


It is not known as to where the Ni-Kunni worker is now, although it is believed by some on the CBD station that he is currently in Federal Intelligence Office custody.

“They looked Gallentean to me,” the CBD mess hall chef commented on the strange presence of black-suited agents aboard the station a day after the incident had occurred. “I’ve seen the regular Feds on the station before. Those guys though? Never seen anything like them, either. Probably those ‘Black Eagles’ that the station officials are always talking about.” Station staff have noted that the Ni-Kunni had seemingly vanished off the station after the arrival of the agents. Mr. Shiriken, along with other CBD representatives aboard the station refused to comment on the whereabouts of the worker. Similarly, the FIO has declined to comment on the situation to us.

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I didn’t know I didn’t need this news till I had it


Was his first name Klaus by any chance?


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