Doctor Valate's Guide to Awful Posting on the IGS

Greetings readers. A number1 of people have written to me to ask “Doctor V, I want to make an attempt at being the worst poster of the month, what advice can you give me ?”

Well. First of all you should consider how to include the following four elements:

A: A faulty premise. This is the foundation of your post, so getting it right, ie wrong, is important in creating a truly awful post. It should be subtle enough that people have to read it multiple times to spot the flaw.

2: Metaphors that make no sense or have relevance to the apparent point of your post.

iii: Excessive punctuation. This is the kind of thing, that annoys, a lot of, people. Commas are pretty good for this, but you can also work in some gratuitous apostrophe’s and: things like colons and semi; colons. These are particularly effective at annoying Minmatar people as they will assume you are mocking their language if you put in lots of comma’s and apostrophes.

With these 4 elements in place, you can then begin to think about pedant traps. The object of pedant traps is to cause the pedant to expend energy in showing you why you’re wrong. But you already knew that, so just reply to them with a “no u”. This maintains your energy while sapping theirs, a bit like a Nosferatu energy vampire module.

You can also insert gigantic images, typically about four or five times the average display width.

  • Yes
  • Why
  • Checkbox

0 voters

You can also insert a poll2 for no good reason.

Finally you should always remember to sign your post. The redundancy involved in doing this will annoy people. The forum already shows who posted, so signing your posts is gratuitously awful.

With these elements of advice, you too can aspire to be an awful poster.

Signed,
Me.


1. Zero is a number
2. Comedy options are important
11 Likes

This may be the best thread I’ve ever read.

2 Likes

Eh. Not up to your usual standards of idiocy. Feels lazy and half-hearted. I give this thread a 2 out of possible 10.

5 Likes

No u.

3 Likes

Predictable. Overdone. Flaccid. No stars.

4 Likes

★☆☆☆☆

1 Like

Thanks, Doc.

1 Like

Too generous for your post, Valate.

I’d give you negative stars just because you actually think you’re clever.

1 Like

This is a bad post. Not only is it a bad post, it fails to have any of the redeeming qualities that bad posts sometimes have in spite of their overall badness:

  • It is not an effective troll post (people taking five seconds of their time to write a reply that says, ‘Meh’, more or less, are not being trolled), or any other kind of post that indirectly makes the reader do what the author wants them to do.
  • It falls well short in its badness of ‘So bad it’s good’ territory.
  • There is no good portion of the post that can be extracted and appreciated independently of the overall badness.
  • It does not contain material that would allow the reader to experience joy at the author’s expense (by mocking it, for example).
1 Like

So it achieved what it intended?

Dear Doctor V,

I must say, I am truly a big fan of your posts and, in general, i believe, most people think the same, secretly. There is, without a doubt, no matter what, no way of not knowing that your posts are of a particularly unusual, admirable, marvellous and fascinating quality.

I can’t truly express my feelings in words, because, you know, pictures say more than just words, and so instead, to make you understand, I post this:

To some, probably, you are, I guess, not such a great poster, but for me, in my humble opinion, you, without a doubt, for me, are far ahead - in terms of posting, but probably not just in terms of posting - of the rest.

May your light shine on and infect others.

Yours truly,
the signee of this post,
your fan,
Solstice Projekt.

Did you like this post?

  • Yes
  • No
  • Well that was kind of totally different to what is usually posted and I don’t quite know which option to pick but rest assured i am not ambivalent and i simply don’t know how to put all these thoughts into a coherent structure truly reflecting my feelings about it.
  • The Federation must be destroyed.

0 voters

4 Likes