Something truly life changing took place last night. I thought that all this time if I was an honorable and compassionate capsuleer, then it would reserve for myself a seat in the heavens. I found myself in a dark haze of thought as I sat in front of an Obelisk. Suddenly out of nowhere a shadowy figure appeared in the middle of the wreck!
Hark! Lacie LaFleur! Do not be fooled by those that wish to destroy New Eden and all that it stands for! You are to burn these heretics and purge the land of their foolish ideology. You’ve been fooled into believing that only the honorable and compassionate capsuleers will sup with the Gods. How could you have been so feeble-minded? I henceforth command you to do my will. You are to rid New Eden of these false prophets and create for me the New Eden that was intended all along.
I want them all to die!
The shadowy figure was then gone and I was left, thrusters off in the middle of a field of debris. What did this mean? Was I wrong all along? I felt a new power swell deep within me as I pondered my new commandment and purpose in life…
I AM GOING TO KILL THEM ALL!
To begin my new life I chose a pilot named, “MsCamille Deka” piloting a Charon…
Lacie LaFleur > Just saw that idiot ganker bumping you
MsCamille Deka > yep i need help
Lacie LaFleur > ok I’m omw
Lacie LaFleur > You know how webs work?
MsCamille Deka > would be great but I called my friends too
MsCamille Deka > yes you can web me anytime
Lacie LaFleur > Ok Im omw accept request and I’ll web you right into warp
Lacie LaFleur > I’m in my hauler. I have webs on it
Lacie LaFleur > Hauler
MsCamille Deka > t francais
Lacie LaFleur > ok I’m here accept
MsCamille Deka > j’ai pas de notification
Lacie LaFleur > ?
Lacie LaFleur > I’m here
Lacie LaFleur > accept and I’ll web you. I’m in my hauler
Lacie LaFleur > ?
Lacie LaFleur > 500m or you die
Lacie LaFleur > B**** BETTER HAVE MY MONEY
Lacie LaFleur > 500m now!
MsCamille Deka > Fu
Lacie LaFleur > …
Lacie LaFleur > thats rude
This sinful freighter pilot tried to bargain a ransom with me, but my intuition was right. He was only trying to stall me as a Blackbird landed on grid and failed to suicide jam my TFI. I decided that he has had his chance to beg for forgiveness and continued with the execution.
TOTAL:
344m in loot dropped
BONUS:
Lacie LaFleur > could have lived dude
MsCamille Deka > sure i give you 500m and u kill me
MsCamille Deka > anyway you guys kill the game
I dare not spill the fresh tears of this now executed heretic as I gently place the, “CHALICE OF SACRIFICAL TEARS” upon the alter of my new mysterious god-figure…
While I’m pleased with my first execution, the Dark Lord’s justice never sleeps.
Lacie LaFleur > 500m or you die
Lacie LaFleur > Pay now or you die
Edison Ellecon > ok fine
Edison Ellecon > ill pay
Lacie LaFleur > PAY NOW
Lacie LaFleur > OR YOU DIE
Edison Ellecon > paid
Lacie LaFleur > oh wow you’re carrying 2b
Lacie LaFleur > 500m isn’t going to cover it.
Lacie LaFleur > 500m more to total 1b and you go
Lacie LaFleur > or
Lacie LaFleur > you die.
Edison Ellecon > ive paid
Edison Ellecon > please let me go
Lacie LaFleur > ITS 1B TOTAL
Lacie LaFleur > PAY ME 500M MORE
Lacie LaFleur > You are about to die here
Edison Ellecon > ok
Edison Ellecon > ok
Lacie LaFleur > send me 500m and you live
Edison Ellecon > theres a bill
Edison Ellecon > please stop
Lacie LaFleur > GIVE ME MY MONEY
Lacie LaFleur > YOU HAVE MORE
Edison Ellecon > i did
Lacie LaFleur > I NEED MY MONEY
Lacie LaFleur > 500m MORE
Lacie LaFleur > YOU BETTER PAY
Edison Ellecon > i have given you a billion
Lacie LaFleur > YOU ARE ALMOST DEAD
Edison Ellecon > ive paid
Lacie LaFleur > Guess you want to die
Lacie LaFleur > You have 5 seconds.
Edison Ellecon > i dont
Lacie LaFleur > ok
Lacie LaFleur > then pay
Lacie LaFleur > 500m
Edison Ellecon > ive paid you a billion
Lacie LaFleur > are you listening to me?
Lacie LaFleur > 500m or you die
Edison Ellecon > you want 1.5 bill
Lacie LaFleur > I need you to send 500m or you die
Lacie LaFleur > You literally have seconds before you die
Lacie LaFleur > This is your last chance dude
Edison Ellecon > thats it
Lacie LaFleur > Thank you
Edison Ellecon > please stop
Edison Ellecon > please stop
Lacie LaFleur > Thank you.
Lacie LaFleur > nice pod dude!
Lacie LaFleur > I mean
Lacie LaFleur > It was a nice pod
TOTAL:
1.2b in loot dropped
1.5b in “ransom”
(1) corpse to present to the Dark Lord
BONUS:
I decided to mail him a couple hours later…
Deal
From: Lacie LaFleur
Sent: 2017.08.10 17:20
To: Edison ElleconHowdy!
I know you and I just engaged in honorable PVP combat earlier, but I still want to extend the offer. Now that you’ve died I will put you on our no bump and no gank list… for 500m.
What do you think?
Re: Deal
From: Edison Ellecon
Sent: 2017.08.10 17:23
To: Lacie LaFleur,you want another 500m?.
well I would if I hadn’t given you 1.5b already.
just use a third of that for your no bump list.
Re: Deal
From: Lacie LaFleur
Sent: 2017.08.10 17:27
To: Edison Ellecon,Ok well let me put it this way. You either pay me another 500m and I can put you on our no bump and no gank list, or we will endlessly wardec you and gank you when you drop to an NPC corp.
The decision is up to you.
Re: Deal
From: Edison Ellecon
Sent: 2017.08.10 17:32
To: Lacie LaFleur,Fine,
to whom do i pay to be officialy on the no bump or gank list.
Re: Deal
From: Lacie LaFleur
Sent: 2017.08.10 17:37
To: Edison Ellecon,Send the isk to me. You have 30 minutes to send it before I put the wardec in and we start hunting you to gank.
Re: Deal
From: Edison Ellecon
Sent: 2017.08.10 17:47
To: Lacie LaFleur,could i get conformation of payment and that im on your no gank or bump list
thanks.
So at this point I have confiscated 2b in illegal funds. I think about stopping here, but I know that the Dark Lord demands that we leave nothing.
Lacie LaFleur > This is my PVP commander
Edison Ellecon > hi
Feminist Robot > o/
Feminist Robot > So I heard you were interested in being put on our no bump and no ganking list?
Edison Ellecon > yes i am
Feminist Robot > and that you’ve payed a total of 2b so far?
Edison Ellecon > yes i have
Feminist Robot > Lacie here has informed me that you recently payed a previous payment of 500m.
Edison Ellecon > that i have
Feminist Robot > Lacie normally isn’t involved with our diplomacy and there has been an error. Payment for protection on this list cost 1.5b. So far you have paid 500m of that 1.5b. You have a remaining balance of 1b to pay off before I can put your name on that list.
Feminist Robot > I’m sure you’ve seen our killboard and what we’re capable of.
Feminist Robot > Trust me, being on our side is for the better
Feminist Robot > Lacie has transferred me the 500m and I await the last 1b in payment before I can add your name and corp to our no bump and no gank list.
Feminist Robot > So what will it be, Edison Ellecon ?
Feminist Robot > Membership on this list will also grant you access to some of our services.
Feminist Robot > Are you there?
Edison Ellecon > seriously, more money, if i hadnt just givven you all my money i would as i have 94,458,027 isk left
Feminist Robot > That is all the isk you have left?
Feminist Robot > Oh dear.
Edison Ellecon > yes
Edison Ellecon > he blew up the rest
Feminist Robot > Do you have anything in assets of value?
Feminist Robot > He did what?
Edison Ellecon > blew up my ship and its cargo
Feminist Robot > uh wow okay
Feminist Robot > hm well we will have to deal with that
Feminist Robot > how much was your losses?
Edison Ellecon > 3.32b for my ship and cargo2.2 for my pod
Feminist Robot > ok
Feminist Robot > Well we can get that reimbursed for you
Feminist Robot > We don’t condone dishonoring ransoms. I’m just now asking Lacie about what happened and he’s spilling the beans.
Feminist Robot > So Lacie will be delt with accordingly.
Feminist Robot > Where we stand now is that obviously it benefits us to have you as a client, someone we protect. It also benefits you in a similar way where we’ve got your back.
Feminist Robot > I know you said you were low on liquid isk, but is there anything physical you have in a hangar that totals up to 1b?
Edison Ellecon > ive only been playing eve for 7 months, i dont have that much left
Feminist Robot > Well we can negotiate. What do you have?
Feminist Robot > Like I said, upon receiving the amount to put you on the list we can talk to our reimbursement manager and see about you getting reimbursed.
Edison Ellecon > a couple of miners and a cargo ship
Feminist Robot > What miners and cargo ship?
Edison Ellecon > procurers and epithal
Edison Ellecon > 2 and 1
Feminist Robot > That’s all you have?
Feminist Robot > Don’t have another freighter?
Edison Ellecon > like i said, the obelisk was my big loss
Feminist Robot > Hm
Feminist Robot > Trying to think.
Feminist Robot > Ok well here’s what we’ll do.
Feminist Robot > You send me the 94m, the mining ships, and the epithal and we will put you on the list. Once those are sent, it will take about 20 minutes for our reimbursement officer to send you the isk you lost for a total of 5.52b.
Edison Ellecon > where do you want them
Feminist Robot > You can contract them right where they are located at.
Feminist Robot > Faylee Freir is the reimbursement director. You can send both the isk and ships to her.
Faylee Freir > o7
Faylee Freir > Is this the guy that needs reimbursement?
Feminist Robot > yup
Faylee Freir > Edison Ellecon are you here?
Edison Ellecon > im here
Faylee Freir > ok cool
Faylee Freir > I’ve been told that you are going to send some isk and ships as final payment to be put on the list?
Faylee Freir > You can send those and then I will work out the reimbursement for your loss that was discussed.
Edison Ellecon > yeah just getting it together now
Faylee Freir > Ok no problem
Edison Ellecon > i have the cargo ship sorted just adding in the miners
Faylee Freir > Sounds good.
Edison Ellecon > do i transfer the money to you?
Faylee Freir > The money is transferred to me, yes.
Edison Ellecon > its completed
Faylee Freir > Ok, perfect.
Faylee Freir > In order to complete the reimbursement request we need to verify that you’ve been honest with us. We’re serious about who we put on the list and the trust that goes into that. We need to verify that you have no significant assets or isk that you lied
Faylee Freir > about
Faylee Freir > (if you have lied about it, then its alright… we can make it right)
Faylee Freir > To verify this you can take a screenshot of your wallet and assets tabs.
Edison Ellecon > sorry ive had enough
Edison Ellecon > it isnt worth is much work
Faylee Freir > oh ok
Faylee Freir > I understand
Edison Ellecon > its 5am here im off
Faylee Freir > Well I’ll go ahead and add your name to the list.
Edison Ellecon > really
Faylee Freir > Reimbursement will be sent in 20 minutes
Faylee Freir > Yep
Edison Ellecon > because ive had no luck in the game since starting it
Edison Ellecon > and this would be amazing
Faylee Freir > :)!!
Edison Ellecon > ill be on tomorrow
Edison Ellecon > good night
What can I say, I couldn’t leave him completely empty. I have failed the Dark Lord. The heretic lives to defile New Eden another day.
TOTAL REDUX:
1.5b in loot dropped
2b in “ransom”
(1) corpse to present to the Dark Lord
A final contract containing his last 90m in isk and the only ships he has in his possession.
ISK in the “pot”:
49,307,000,001 ISK