“Look, All I did was get some head, she-” [Angel Cartel One-shot]


“Being on the poor side of a gamma graded colony in the Federation is a bit of a rough life… I’m something of a Slum King in these parts… This massive landfill of trash and makeshift housing infested with the dregs of a far more prosperous society rising above them may not be the most prestigious realm to be in command of. And my castle may be nothing more than just another rancid shack in the pile… But It is all mine nonetheless/ Everyone that lives here answers to me and lives off my generosity. Every drop of water and parcel of food or bit of medicine is something I acquired for them. They will not ask how I make it happen, nor will they inform certain authorities should they come aware of how I do it. I am their King afterall… However, No King has ever stayed in power without making powerful friends to support their foundation. And I find a lack of new friends to make in this colony, I’ve had to look to the heaven for new friends. To find an angel to bestow upon their blessing…”

  • “King” Jaronji

“Look, All I did was get some head, she-”

May 4th YC 124

Jolia V - Kasko City Slum district, “Throne room” of King Jaronji

“… What’s with the goddamn ruckus outside?”

“It’s… Damion sir.”

“…Damion? DAMION?! What the ■■■■ is he doing?!”

“Brawling with our soldiers out front.”


“Uh… We think he’s trying to fight his way here to talk to you. Something about sleeping with his sister.”

“… Did I?”


“…Which one is that?”

“Slender thighs, had the long dreadlocks?”

“… To the shoulder or down to the waist?”

“To the waist”



“Oooooh ■■■■… Oh ■■■■, Okay now I see. I admit, I may have did this man dirty. ■■■■…”

“Should I give the order to have our shooters light him up?”

“No! No… Infact? Give the order for our people to stand down. Let him though…”

“You… You sure, sir?”

“Am I sure?! Boy, stop asking me stupid ass questions and relay my orders.”


< Guard pulling out a radio >

“Stand Down! Orders from King Jaronji! Let him though…”

“…Damn. Now that I think about it I can see the resemblance…”

“He should be here any moment at this rate…”

“Yeah, good…”

< Shack door being kicked in >

< Several guards raising their weapons in response >

“Ay! Ay! Yo! Stand down, it’s cool…”

< Weapons being lowered >

“… Damion! What’s good player?”

“You sleeping with my sister you prick?!”

“Man, I dunno what you’re on about… I ain’t ■■■■ any sisters of late.”

< Damion marching forward >

“… < Sigh >

< King Jaronji standing up

“Look, All I did was get some head, she-”


< King Jaronji getting blasted with a haymaker and falling back into his ‘Throne’ >

< Guards raising their weapons back up in response >

< Cough > Yo! Stand the ■■■■ down! We chill! We chill…< Cough >

< Guards lowering weapons back down >

< King Jaronji straighten back up in his ‘Throne’ >

“God damn player! Almost knocked my jaw off with that ■■■■!”

“You want some more!?”

“Ease up! I let you have that one…”

“You stay the ■■■■ away from Raconda!”

“Player, the problem is that bitches can’t stay away from me, alright? I got two giant ass balls that practically got a damn gravity well each to them, you feel me? It’s a scientific phenomenon that the University of Callie can’t even figure out. Bitches just get caught up in the gravitational pull. I Can’t do anything about it…”

“■■■■ you!”

“Look kid, I LET you walk into my house and I LET you get a free shot on me. Forgive me if I ask that you watch your motherfucking tongue with me. All around you are some of the coldest shooters among my soldiers who will not hesitate in dropping your dumbass.”

“Then do it.”

“God damn you dumb as hell…”

< King Jaronji standing up from his ‘throne’ >

“Look player, I like you. I ain’t gonna do you like that, in fact-”

< King Jaronji wrapping his arm around Damion >

“-I think you and I can come to an understanding…”

< Damion getting out from under Jaronji’s arm >

“The only understanding I want is that you stay away from Raconda!”

“And I can do that… And more. I need someone like you.”

“I am not joining your gang! My family needs nothing to do with you people!”

“Incase you have forgotten, I’m the King in these parts… This is my domain, every little service you seen in this shithole that you and your family take advantage of is a gift from me. Go ahead, don’t go to the pumps anymore, find your water elsewhere. Next time you’re sick? Don’t visit the doctors I keep supplied, find some home remedy to cure your illness…”


“But don’t worry player… You ain’t gotta join me… You can just do something part-time for me.”

“Like what?”

“… I need someone reliable for something delicate. Something major.”

“You’d trust me with something like this?”

“Yes… I would. See, I’ve made contact with some VERY powerful people. They have connections all the ■■■■ over in parts of this universe you ain’t ever heard of.… People that eclipse this shithole and whatever the hell you wanna call my ‘thone’ there… Despite that, these people are willing to work with us. Cut us in on the resources and money they got access to.”

“Where would I play into this?”

“They wanna test us before they move anything more official. They’re gonna hand us off some product of theirs. Product they wanna see us sell for a profit…”


“Well… Yes.”

“No way! I’m not peddling drugs! This place is bad enough as is! I will not decay this hole any further with that filth!”

“Slow the ■■■■ down! We ain’t selling this ■■■■ here… People barely got money to buy some damn food, this stuff is top shelf material. No way we’re selling this stuff here…”

“… The Diamond District then?”

“Correct! We’re gonna sell this ■■■■ to the people that can afford it… Holostars, University students, god damn politicians… We’re gonna sell directly to these people. Let the drugs be their problem, let’s bring some money into these slums.”

“Into your pockets more like it…”

“You’ll get a cut… And this place! Now these people are gonna be taking majority of the money made, but there’s still gonna be a large swath of cash for you… Ontop of me leaving your sister alone.”

“…Why me? I hate drugs, why would you trust me to sell them?”

“Because I know I won’t have to worry about you sticking your nose in and sampling this ■■■■ and costing me money and respect with our new benefactors. And I know you don’t care much for these cocksuckers towering above us everyday so who cares if drugs plague their shiny clean streets for once? You also may not wear my colors, but I know you don’t talk to cops, you know to keep your mouth shut. By all metrics you are the goddamn best possible choice to trust with this. All you gotta do is handle the transactions. You’re bilingual, ain’t you? You can get past the language barrier and make the sale as smooth as possible. I’ll loan you some boys and some fabricated I.Ds to get you in the district with the product.”

“And if the I.Ds fail?”

“They won’t! Another gift from our benefactors… When I tell you these people aren’t a joke, I mean it - these people are the real deal. These I.Ds might as well be official. They won’t even bat an eye…”

“I’ve sold drugs before, how do you even expect me to do this without raising suspicion?”

“You’ll be given a list of contacts, all screened buyers that are clear. Again, these people are the real deal. This is but a test to see if we’re on the level. No risks here… Just make contact with people. Go down the list, and make the transactions. They want us to go by their protocols on doing this, so do it how they want. You strike me as the kind of person that can follow instructions so… Might as well be the easiest money you’ve ever made.”

“I don’t want your drug money.”

“Drug money? No, I’ll pay you in money earned from our other services!”

“What difference does it make coming from you how the money was earned?”

“Well you do want me to leave your sister alone… I just know I’d be doing you dirty to put you though all this for something as simple as that. There’s a lot of money involved in this arrangement we got with these people. So much money that I gotta spread it around a bit. If not on you - Then the slums itself.”

“Actions speak louder than words.”

“Well until I get the money from this product that hasn’t been moved yet… We can start taking action, Damion.”


“… Let me show you something.”

< King Jaronji walking Damion over to a crate >

“You. Open it.”

< Guard picking up a crowbar to pop the crate lid off >

“Take a look at these beauties…”

“… Weapons!?”

“Not just any weapons!.”

< King Jaronji picking up a rifle >

“A Gek-38 Assualt rifle. Beyond a whole damn warship, it does not get more heavy duty than this thing. Another little gift our benefactors left us…”

“This is awful…”

“Awful? Damion this gives us an ace in the hole… An advantage to keep us and ours safe.”

“Or to secure your power.”

“Oh my power has been secured for some time, player…”

“I don’t want any part of this… Whoever the hell these “People” are, I want nothing to do with them. I already wanted nothing to do with you! Why would you think I would ever go though with this?!”

“Because you don’t have a choice…”

“Of course I do!”

“No, you don’t… Like I said before, I LET you walk in here… I LET you get a free shot. What I WON’T let you do is walk out of here without agreeing to do this…”

“■■■■ you!”

“You, Knock some sense into him.”

< Guard butting Damion in the back of the head with his weapon >

< Damion falling to his knees >

“I’m the King here in this shithole Damion, so long as you and your family live in my domain you will do as your king asks of you…”

“Egotistical ■■■■!”

“You want me to stay away from your sister? I can do that, otherwise I can go out and find her myself… You think there’s a hiding spot in this slum I don’t know of? OH i can find your sister, your mother, your father…”


“You’re going to do this for me… You’re going to get what you want, and I’m gonna make sure you’re taken care of… As I’ve always had. If you wanna remain knuckleheaded about it? By all means… Just understand there will be consequences.”

“I… I understand. I’ll do it…”

< King Jaronji putting rifle back away in the crate >

“Then get up! We got details to discuss…”

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