Medical Advisory

Recently, I have treated a patient who used a product sold on the galnet as ‘Jovian-Tech Penis Beauty Creme, New Formula.’

I have to say that this is not a product you should be putting on your body anywhere! It appears to be a regular moisturizing creme with microscopic flecks of Drifter elements in it. Seriously, do not apply this to your genitals.

In addition to the normal caveats about lasting longer than four hours and such, if it starts to glow please see a doctor immediately!

If you are concerned about the size or shape of anything on your body, please see a medical professional. As a cosmetic surgeon, I have dealt with almost every situation imaginable, and can confidently say there is a procedure to help you. Resorting to shady galnet sites to buy unapproved and dangerous items is not the solution.

Dr. Amy l’Agusta, MD, PhD


Capsuleers being capsuleers, I now expect a wave of people having applied this substance.

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The ‘Drifter Elements’ you refer to are in fact simply seasoned dandruff and a little Exile.

That’s about as exotic as it gets.

Need provenance? I supplied the dandruff. Sourced by my own fair hands. The Exile is simply in there for the ‘boost’ but to be honest anything other than Drop would work.

If this is true, it’s still nasty.

Oh, that’s pretty much obvious that was not Jovian.
Because only such depraved, amoral, sick and distasteful GALLENTEANS could use word beauty applied to a genital! That’s just revolting! And it’s probably one of the best places where I could say:


On the other hand, I am pretty sure than no sane human except sick perverted gallentean filth would buy such… product. And thus I can say just one more thing to them:


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Is there a way to get my overshield to recharge a bit faster? I want to be able to get back in sooner after shooting my Doomsday.

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You know it sounds like the sort of insanity Naupilus would try.

Why does it have to be Nauplius? He isn’t even Gallentean, he doesn’t like look he’d be into any sort of Gallentean insanity. Why would you bring him up, when we have Makotos, Mantels, Arrendises, Bellas, etc?

To start, because only one out of those four would have any use for the stuff…


You have a very good point! I didn’t think about it, and I really shall apply the most effort to stop thinking about that part in particular as soon as I finish writing this comment.

But still, that person in particular has crimes way more related to gallente than Nauplius. Yes, theoretically, I’d put him as a candidate number one to try that, not Nauplius.

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Or for the piddling little amount of money it makes.

I’m pretty sure someone thought of Nauplius as the first person who came to mind crazy enough to use it.

Also note they didn’t say he’d be applying it to himself.

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That is, actually, the good point as well.

Boredom and desperation. The salt and fat of our meagre lives. Notably shorter lives, thanks to this product. Allegedly.

Shorter? or “More entertaining”?

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