I was podded again.
We were fighting in Klogori and managed to take one with us before our pods ejected. We each warped off and Inarri was the first to reach the Hadozeko gate. He was pursued by the capsuleer we shot down, who had quickly reshipped into a Proteus; one apparently fit with hyperspacials. Inarri had a head start, and was mid warp when the Proteus entered Hadozeko. It blew past his pod and waited for him to land. Inarri died on the Resbroko gate.
I landed after. I saw the cracked capsule as I passed, but somehow both myself and Kyra made it into Resbroko. We thought we’d avoided the danger, but as I landed on the Hror gate a Maelstrom decloaked. I saw a flash, and the next thing I know I’m floating in a vat, nauseous and dizzy with a splitting headache… Kyra met the same fate.
I’ll never get used to it, I don’t think. However I can’t help but notice that each time feels a little less impactful.
Not the dreadful waking process; the significance.
I just died. Shouldn’t that mean something?
The first thing Inarri spoke of after waking was how he lost his Crystals. He’s never been one to shy away from cybernetics. I get it, they’re expensive. Losing that would be frustrating and I don’t blame him for his irritation. I just can’t help but worry how he was more concerned with losing his implants than he was with losing himself.
So many capsuleers will clone jump to close a distance, or to swap out augments, or to cure a hangover… There is such a willingness to throw our own lives away. This idea that our death is inconsequential is worrisome, because it becomes easy by extension to devalue the life of another.
The indifference to death scares me.
I don’t want to gradually grow numb.
Though I worry that this indifference is already creeping in.
There is this tendency for capsuleers to grow callous and apathetic. It’s not true for everyone, but it’s more than common enough to alarm me. I’ve met a pirate more concerned with her profits than her tribe, and a defector who believes morality is the incorrect choice. I have a rival who thinks the human corpse is pleasant decoration, and a friend who suggested certain planets be glassed.
Why is this normal? Why are these things just ignored and forgotten and accepted? We measure battles in loss of ISK rather than loss of life, and continue to seek conflict as if we haven’t had enough. I have heard so many capsuleers equate the concept of violence and fun. A “good fight” shouldn’t be a phrase. Aren’t they all bad? This is a mindset I pray I avoid.
Yet I can’t help but acknowledge the addiction of adrenaline.
The butterflies. The heart pounding shakes.
A small part of me enjoys the fight. A smaller part even craves it.
War and death are unavoidable. I am not so naïve to believe otherwise. Needless conflict stoked by greed and politics are a senseless waste of life, but fighting to change the cluster for the better is a fight I will always take. We are capsuleers. We are too powerful to be reckless, too influential to be careless, and have too much potential to be ignorant of the problems we could tackle. We just need to remember what we are doing it for.
This idea of self before other needs to end. We will exist for countless lifecycles. We have plenty of time for ourselves. Can’t we spare some of that time to make the universe a better place? One of the most depressing things I hear is people who say it’s impossible. They believe the cluster is hopeless to change, and some even think destruction is a better alternative. It is not.
I can feel all of this death and violence starting to change me.
I’ve been quicker to anger, less patient and forgiving, and at times even cold.
But I cannot quit for the sake of myself.
Because someone needs to fight,
And someone needs to die,
And someone needs to stand and oppose that which is truly evil.
Every one of us needs to take a hard look at what our actions are causing for others, because our choices can affect thousands if not millions of lives. However, we must also act for those lives. We must shield and fight on their behalf.
The only way anything will ever change is if we make it happen. We can make a difference. It is on each of us to try, and it is on each of us to do what is right. It is on you to make an effort.
Our future, which we will experience, is in our hands. That future is worth sacrificing for.