"You gonna eat that?"

"You know I survived an assassination attempt before. Yeah, back on that lovable little dustball of a planet, before I even joined the Zaibatsu I’ve had people that wanted me dead. I was sitting in this diner in our little…shithole of a colony, we called it “Bin” because it was practically a bin for trash. Trash people, trash goods, and trash food. Except this diner, it was just a tad bit higher-caliber…Now that ain’t saying much, but I liked going there every day for breakfast. And Ina way I think the place itself embodied the ■■■■■■■ trash heap that was this colony.

Check this out, the main “foundation” of the entire place was built using a chunk of some starship that crashed on the surface, we think it was from some Capsuleer battle, regardless the chunk that dropped was the entire kitchen of a starship. The people that jumped on this claim hauled it into town and begun gutting the chunk, tearing down the walls and rearranging the appliances. They essentially build a makeshift little restaurant out of it with the scrap they got from the chunk and extra they bought from me. It’s a ghetto diner if I ever saw one, but it had charm and the food wasn’t…Terrible…Anyway, me and my little brother Vaivari were sitting in this diner, in the middle where we usually sit. And we’re waiting on our food - or atleast I am - that asshole already got his food, I was still waiting there hungry beyond measure…So we’re just sitting there, not really talking, just that awkward ass silence we always have with each other until one of us finally speaks up.

And he’s the first to speak up, he tells me to “Duck” - now thing is, I’ve had Vaivari as a lookout for years now, when he says duck - I duck - it’s practically a reflex at this point. The moment I’m under that table - all hell breaks loose, I hear a 20GJ fire off, I’m hearing people screaming, glass shattering, a ■■■■■■■ explosion from the kitchen! And I’m down there for what feels like five minutes. The second everything is quiet, I poke my head up…"

  • Stelmari Oksasio

“You gonna eat that?”

July 20th YC 117

Shanty Colony “Bin” - territory of the Stelmari Exchange, Pavanakka I


“This is officially the worst day of my life.”

“Well, at least we’re alive? Gotta look on the bright side of all…This.”

“Vaivari i need you to just can your optimism for a second and shut your ass up and let me process what the ■■■■ just happened. Okay? Just a ■■■■■■■ moment of uninterrupted silence, because my ■■■■■■■ ears are still ringing from the shitstorm that just erupted thirty or forty ■■■■■■■ seconds ago.”

“I’m sor-”

“Shhhh, shut the ■■■■ up for a second…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…Okay. Vaivari…What the hell happened?”

"…An LAV with three people inside drifted around the corner and rode up alongside the diner. Guy on the back manning a 20GJ turret on the back swings the barrel around to the windows, passenger seat rider was carrying a uh…Assault rifle I think? Regardless, saw the turret swing around and shouted for you to duck…Then…Hell broke loose.

“Okay, cool, cool…Um…Why though?”

“…What do you mean?”

“What do you think I mean?! Why did this happen?! Why the ■■■■ did a LAV show up and light up this entire place, huh?! Why is everyone dead right now?! Why. Does my day keep getting shittier, Vaivari!?”

“I-I’d have to guess the rumors are true, someone in the Exchange is trying to whack you.”

“Oh! Well isn’t that just great? Isn’t that just swell?! I ■■■■■■■ knew it! I told you! After you kept telling me to stop being so ■■■■■■■ paranoid I turn out to be right all along you dipshit!”

“Hey! I told you to cool it because I didn’t want you going nuts and purging everyone you were naming off the top of your head!”

“How much you wanna bet the names I listed off were the fucks behind this?!”

“Don’t start that ■■■■ Stelmari, you were accusing everyone close to you for plotting for your death! Even your own brokers for crying out loud!”

“Well You know what?! If I just purged all of them - I more than likely would have iced the plotters in the process!”

“You’re delusional!”

“■■■■ you!”

“…What are you doing?”

“I’m still hungry! Assholes shot the ■■■■■■■ cooks and blew the kitchen up before I even got my eggs! Look at it! It’s scorched! I can smell that fat ass Salkavich got burnt by the explosion too! And - I know it’s gonna sound weird - but his burnt flesh, is actually making me hungrier! So if you would ■■■■ off, ima see what this man has enjoying…What is this? Canned meat spread on some bread? Alright, whatever.”

“You seriously about to eat his food?”

“Oh! What? Is he gonna eat it? Okay fine - lemme ask him…Heeeeey! Sesko, my man! How you doing? Yo - that’s a mighty tasty sandwich you got there? You gonna eat that?”

“Stelmari…”

“Oh? What’s that? You can’t eat it?! Why’s that?”

“Stelmari!”

“It’s becuase half your head got blown the ■■■■ off and you’re ■■■■■■■ dead because of it!? You don’t say! Well if you don’t mind, I’m just gonna take that sandwich of your hands player, keep it one hundred man, peace.”

“Is this seriously your priority right now!”

“Mmphtherfucker, this is what I came in here to begin with.”

“Can you not talk with your mouth full?”

“■■■■ you! I’m hungry! And I just survived a god damn assassination attempt! So do me a favor, and get off my dick Vaivari!”

“You’re being an asshole right now!”

“Oh! I’m the asshole here?! I’m the asshole?! Not the guys who shot up the whole ■■■■■■■ place and killed everyone?! They’re not the ■■■■■■■ assholes here?! You shitting me right now Vaivari?! Am I not allowed to be a little pissed off about all this?!”

“You’re being inconsiderate and disrespectful to the dead!”

“Who the ■■■■ cares?! They’re all dead! Every last single ■■■■■■■ one of them are dead! None of them are alive to care anymore! ■■■■, I’m upset that they’re dead! Because this is twenty-five percent of the whole town, that’s right. We just lost an entire chunk of our population, right here. I mean look at this ■■■■■■■ nightmare! This is a scene out of a Goddamn horror-reel. Son of a bitch!”

“Well maybe-”

“Hey-hey-hey shut the ■■■■ up for a second and just look, right over there, see? Isn’t that just ■■■■■■■ tragic to look at?”

“Oh god…”

“Yeah! Velc was trying to shield his girl! Trying to stop her from getting shot but, heh. ■■■■ blasted right though him and killed them both. Now I gotta slam down some props for the ■■■■■■■ hero move this man pulled! Now look over there!”

“Stelmari can we get the hell out of here?!”

“No! Look! That Civire with the big titties I ■■■■■■ last week? Well here she is there…and there she is there! ■■■■■■■ ■■■■ ripped her in half! Isn’t that just a riot! She’s a waiter that can be in twice places at once! Hahahaaaa…Oh now I just made myself feel worse.”

“I think I’m gonna be sick…”

“Well if you gotta puke! Go right ahead! Not like there isn’t already a giant mess! Just look at all this ■■■■■■■ blood! Look at the little bits of brain over there that looks like scrambled eggs!”

“Oh god here it comes…Hyuck!”

“There you go! Let it all out…Man just how can this day get any ■■■■■■■ worse…I didn’t even have breakfast first! The day hasn’t even started yet and already it’s ■■■■■■■ terrible! So what can top this, huh? Are the…■■■■■■■ Amarrians gonna descend from the clouds with their gold ships, round us all up and sodomize us one at a time? Is that gonna be the grand finale of this day? Getting ■■■■■■ int he ass by religious zealots?”

“Huuuuh, huuuh, oh god.”

“You done now?”

“Yeah…Yeah I’m done you prick!”

“Good! Because now we gotta figure out who the ■■■■ was behind this. Who to name who to name…”

“…”

“…”

“…Helbonero”

“What was that?”

“Helbonero! I…I recall seeing something painted on the side of the LAV. A old school calendar pinup of some chick. Only Halbonero’s LAV is personalized like that.”

“…Heh. Hehehehe!”

“What’s funny this time?”

“Those stupid fucks! They thought we wern’t gonna catch that detail! Hahaha!”

“Well I caught it…”

“Hahahahahaha! Oh man, they’re dead! Haha! So they’re so ■■■■■■! I’m gonna strangle him!”

“Well he might not be the guy behind the plot, but for sure connected to this. No matter what, he’d never let anyone else drive that thing.”

"Right, questions first, strangulation last.

“Right…Look, stelmari we should prolly get out of here before a crowd gathers.”

“Oh they’re already here. See?”

“What…”

“Hey everyone!..The ■■■■ yall looking at?! Go on, don’t concern yourself with this ■■■■■■■■. Get!”

“…You just had waste time arguing with me and scavenging for food off the dead?”

“Absolutely, now quit your bitching and help me find something else to eat because this sandwich is absolutely terrible. Bread is dry and whatever can this meat came out of prolly has the year YC 110 stamped on it.”

“…I’m gonna get the ■■■■ out of here. Because I’m pretty sure they’re gonna have someone come back to make sure they got you.”

“And I’ll be right here to tell them they ■■■■■■■ failed. That I’m still alive and im gonna break them the moment I get my hands on them.”

“Cut the ■■■■■■■ action-reel shtick, get some take-out and let’s get the ■■■■ outta here!”

“Hey! Now you’re thinking. Uh what’s portable here…”


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A scavenged ships kitchen was a wonderful idea. Throw in a Light armored vehicle ( ? ) drive - by , and what’s not to like ?

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