"This is all getting silly and confusing now"

“This one time my boys recovered some air tight container of sorts from some starship wreckage out of town, even to this day I haven’t the slightest clue what the hell was even in it, what I do know is that attracted the attention of several different groups who wanted it pretty badly. Three days later, me and my brother Vaivari were taking a look at it inside one of our warehouses on the outskirts of the colony; trying to find some way of busting it open ourselves before trying to pay for an actual specialist to open it up for us…But then the cops showed up.”

  • Stelmari Okassio

“This is all getting silly and confusing now”

October 4th Yc 117

Shanty colony “Bin” - territory of the Stelmari Exchange, Pavanakka I


“Stelmari Oksasio! I’m Sergeant Galdalan of the Ishukone Watch and you’re under arrest for possession of stolen Ishukone property among other charges. I’m ordering you, and your men to lower their weapons and step away from the container. Now.”

“I’m gonna have to say “Nah” Sergeant.”

“Stelmari, I don’t think we should screw around with the Wat-”

“Vaivari, can you not be a little bitch for once? Come on, get that barrel up! Not the time for this ■■■■”

“I’m gonna say Again. Drop your weapons and ste-”

“Yeah! I heard you the first time! And you’re not convincing me as to why I should comply.”

“You should comply because my men are ready to drop everyone last one of you if you refuse to cooperate with us.”

“I got no reason to trust you Konie fucks, at the same time you boys are way out of your jurisdiction coming down here thinking you can start barking orders at people. People like ME for example.”

“Thanks to that container there on the floor, this entire shithole of a colony is under our jurisdiction.”

“Hey! Only I get to call this shithole a shithole.”

“Your pride is…Noted, but irrelevant. Now again, step away from the container. I assure you, what’s inside of it is not worth you and your men getting shot over.”

“Enlighten me then! What’s in the box?”

“That’s classified.”

“Ahhhhh! See? Now it’s worth getting shot over! I’ve had my fair share of gang wars over starship scrap Capsuleers graciously rain over us from time to time, something Ishukone wants to keep confidential? Ha! Must be worth a small fortune.”

“The thing’s locked with a biometric scanner, you’ll never get it open.”

“I know a guy.”

“Look, I’m really starting to lose my patience with you. So I ask one - last - FINAL TIME - Drop your god damn weapons and step away from-”

“-OUR container!”

“…Who the ■■■■?”

“Friends of yours Stelmari?”

“I don’t know who the ■■■■ these people are, they’re not with you?”

“I ain’t with either of you chumps. Don’t know a single god damn one of you…That container there looks familiar however.”

“Identify yourselves! I’m Sergeant Kuins of the Ishukone Watch.”

“Hey-Hey-Hey, check out their shoulder emblems, they’re Gurista…”

“Ah ■■■■…”

“Call me “Scar”, I’d say it’s a pleasure to make y’all acquaintances, but I ain’t here to chat. I’m here for that container.”

“Seriously, what the hell is in this damn thing?”

“Don’t know, don’t really care. All I know is that my boss wants it and is gonna pay me a holder’s ransom to recover it for her. So unless you people trying to get ventilated, I suggest you all drop your heaters and lemme get my prize. You can kill each other afterwards.”

“I’m not about to order my men to stand down from some backwater filth, and I’m most certainly not about to order them to stand down to some traitorous pirate scum like you Gurista!”

“-and this is my shithole of a colony! So neither of you are about to come in here and tell me to stand down.”

“Well I ain’t gotta any qualms smoking some corporate pigs and you chumps look like people nobody would miss, so i ain’t worried about dropping your group either.”

“So it’s a standoff then…Though hey! If you stop aiming those guns at my group and aim them at those Konies over there, we could quickly trim some fat, you dig?”

“Tempting…”

“Already trying to get this dishonorable scum on your side Stelmari?”

“Im hustling is what I’m doing, a two-on-one is a lot better than a free for all.”

“-How about a two-on-two then?!”

“Oh god ■■■■■■■ dammit! Who the ■■■■ are you clowns?! Vaivari! Did you send out invitations or something?!”

“Yeah, just toss me under the freighter, thanks bro.”

“I’m Lieutenant Leenari of the Peace and Order Unit.”

“Peace and Or- What the ■■■■?! I wasn’t informed that this was a joint operation! This is my bust! What’s the authorization code?!”

“Sergeant, there’s no time for this. You’re just gonna have to trust me, corporate worked put a last minute change at a CEP meeting.”

“I wasn’t informed of any of this!”

“Awww, look at the two wittle police shills arguing with each other. So much for being on the same side, right?”

“You stay out of this Gurista scum! Whoever this “Lieutenant” is, he certainly ain’t police.”

“Don’t do something you’re gonna regret Sergeant.”

“Only thing I’m gonna regret is letting my guard down around you “Lieutenant”. Not only have you still not provided me an authorization code yet, but your squad looks like it just walked right out of YC 101 with those uniforms…Where you’d get them?”

“…Well aren’t you just clever Sergeant.”

“Wait-wait-wait, so they aren’t cops? Then who the ■■■■ are you people?! Why are you in my shithole of a colonly?!”

“To recover that package there.”

“Why?”

“That’s classified”

“Oh son-offa-bitch, don’t hit me with that “classified” ■■■■ like Konie here did. Atleast “Scar” admits he doesn’t know anything, this “Classified” fedoshit just implies you know something I don’t and your refusing to answer me, which really is starting to piss me off!”

“Yeah! And I should’ve grabbed the loot and been gone by now if you all were not being so damn dramatic. I can’t keep the boss lady waiting much longer.”

“I do apologize for making the situation more confusing gentlemen, but my employer must have the contents of that container. And we have to kill all of you to get it, we will.”

“Like hell you are! I don’t know what exactly is going on here, but you’re all under arrest! Dro-”

“Holy ■■■■, you dumb Konie bastard! You’re not in a position to arrest ANYONE! Just…Just stop! Just ■■■■■■■…I’m sorry, this is all getting confusing and silly now. Alright? I was just sitting here, next thing I know i got Konie fucks - Gurista shitheads and…Whoever the hell you people are - storming in here pointing their ■■■■■■■ guns at me and my people here over a ■■■■■■■ box! What’s next? Are the fuckin…Jovians gonna just emerge from the shadows wanting this box?”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Okay…I think we’re go-”

"Sorry to crash the party boys and girls!

“Oh! Are you ■■■■■■■ serious right now?!”

“Well at least they’re not Jovians.”

“Scar - shut the ■■■■ up!”

“Nah, we’re not Jovians - we’re are th-”

“No - stop! You don’t get to introduce yourselves, just be the ominous fifth party…”

“O…Okay?”

“Oh and lemme guess! You’re here for the little mystery box right here, right?”

“Well…Yes, see we are here on behalf of-”

“No-No-No-No-No, what I say? You don’t get to introduce yourself! Just shut up!..You know what? You people can have the damn box, I don’t even care anymore, alright? Hey! Gordin, Galen, Konie batsard - whatever your name was - you were right, whatever this is ain’t worth getting shot over, so ■■■■ it, you guys can all kill each over it. I’m out. Come-on Vaivari, let’s get out of here.”

“Hey! HEY! You ain’t going anywhere Stelmari! You’re still under arrest for-”

“Arrest these balls you Konie ■■■■! You ain’t gonna arrest anyone today! In fact - you’re probably gonna be the first one to die, just gonna be real with you.”

“Always prioritize smoking Corporate pigs.”

“See? Scar’s ugly ass gets it.”

“I can’t afford any witnesses, especially cops.”

“And the fraud gets it!”

“And we just got here, but he seems pretty annoying so we’ll gun for him first.”

“…You motherfuckers.”

“Have fun boys and girls! I’m gonna head to the office and rub one out, hopefully by the time I’m done you’ll all be dead and the winners will clear out.”




“Okay…Five, six, and seven. Good! We’re all out, let’s clear out boys.”

“Stelmari!”

“What is it Vaivari?”

“What was that? What happened to not being a little bitch?!”

“Vaivari, I said that in the face of ONE group of cops, then it became the Guristas, then the frauds and then the ominous fifth party. At that point, it’s being smart to bow out. Because that scene was becoming a clusterfuck at a rapid pace.”

“Sure, whatever you say bro…”

“Don’t give me that ■■■■ Vaivari. There’s a difference between knowing when to fight and when to make a tactical retreat.”

“…!”

“Like right now! Come on! They’re wildin’ out! Let’s bounce.”


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Another funny one. :rofl:

This gets the Ammatar Mandate Seal of Approval !

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