An Open Letter to Villore Accords: My Most Hated Idiots and Cowards

Hey, glad to finally have some freedom to post all this. It’s been a long time coming, and as such it’s long overdue. So I’m glad to have some time while my transfer orders are getting processed to get my thoughts down, and share them with everyone here–wonderful when you’re the usual paperwork machine for applications, but can’t help because now you’re still on the outside. Still, my boss said to keep the grumbliness toned down from what I first said to him, so I’ll try to respect his wishes.

Dear Gallente Miltia, especially Julianus Soter, Gori Thane, Wyrlith Ceos and all the rest of you egregious fucks, go ■■■■ yourself and eat ■■■■.

Now, I know that’s harsh language, and those who haven’t fought by our side might be a bit confused as to why I’m just telling my enemies off in such strong language, like I’m some terrible person with anger issues. These confused people would be right: I am a terrible person and I do have anger issues. But alas, I did not always have the anger issues, and the edifice that the three people above created in the Gallente Militia Villore Accords (And Guardians of the Gate) have seen to it that I have developed certain…. Problems that have rendered me unable to remain completely civil in the writing of this missive. Perhaps it is easiest to explain in the context of my recent history over the past half year with the Caldari Militia in combat with these abhorrent people.

For those keeping track, though: Yes, I’ve always been a terrible person.

Now, I know most people see the fervent worship of the State by such wonderful folks as Diana Kim and think Caldari are a people driven mad with their veneration and fellating of such an institution, and they would again be right, that many people have their sanity driven out of them and replaced with a desire to serve. Wonderful flying with you, Diana-haani, but you need to tone some things down. Still, being a rare example to be snapped out of this dutiful indoctrination to our all-encompassing corporate overlords, I still have always found myself a subject of our Caldari culture, which is unironically the superior culture of our little bastion of civilization, and given that the Caldari Navy was recommended to me as a way to get paid without having to fight off so many pirates as I…. sometimes find myself having to do. It does get boring, since as many capsuleers know, the supply seems endless, but the chance to change up my enemies to the always smarmy, smug and superfluous Gallente was indeed a tempting offer, even if I do not have that same frothing patriotism as Commander Kim.

When I signed on, things were in a dire state, the Gallente had only months before reached up to the very borders of Caldari space, and the initial progress to reclaim it all had only been initiated to a small degree. Many groups of brave fighters, despondent at the offensive, had looked at their courage and said that they were the brave souls who would go and ■■■■ off to space far away, remaining officially part of the militia but not actually caring about the actual war effort because their current Sovereignty was more important to them than continuing to shoot the pompous asshats who were officially their enemies, and those who did try to fight found themselves with a monumental task in front of them.

And then, the Hand of Nayrock appeared from wormhole space to bitchslap the Gallente, with the dread pirate Mail at his side, and started organizing disparate elements who were otherwise dispossessed of J-space, Capsuleer sovereignty, pirating and various activities within Caldari space. I was snatched up in this still-initial phase of development, when we had to brave ourselves against the Kinakka gatecamp to do even minor skirmishes, and daily faced the tribulations of the task at hand. Still, it was only a short while before we had completed the conquest of Martoh; even though I was not there, it was a great moment that did foreshadow our later conquests, as one system after another was pushed, slowly expanding our perimeter of space out closer from the fringes of Black Rise. Momentum was quickly building, with systems soon becoming vulnerable and being captured, one after the other, culminating in our attempts to conquer five systems in one night. We came so close so many times, but were only able to nab four. Good job to everyone who flew with our crew, we did the state proud there.

This was also a time of great personal development, where I found myself having to learn a great many lessons about warfare, and when my patience with my comrade’s displays of idotic behavior grew thin (which was almost immediate), and I began to take it as my personal task to educate them. This culminated in my promotion, something I rarely thought I would yearn for before my service, and only speaks to the value of the leadership I found myself working with: Everyone was wonderful, with one exception who knows who he is, and whose blasphemy does not even deserve mention to gain him notoriety. Regardless, the promotion gave me the insight to the strategic aspects of our forever-war, learning the allies we had at the time and their numbers, flying with them and learning to respect them, and watching as together we each contributed to the progress of the war in our own way, some more organized than others, some absolutely disorganized and a mess, and some outright spies who weren’t even trying to hide their affiliation. If you, my dear readers, take away one thing, please do not wait so goddamn long to ban Fleetwarp Sujarento from everything you do, nothing good comes from them and they are not even respectable as a nemesis. Please shoot them.

Finally, our great campaign of taking many systems did find some serious resistance as our fronts encroached upon the major Gallente strongpoints of Prism and Nisuwa, which had been occupied by the Gallente for nearly a decade and yet fell with a week of fierce fighting. This was where we saw our enemy actually organize for the first time, but it was often shoddy and wanting, simply trying to overwhelm us with hordes of Atrons rather than bring anything to terribly fight. I hope we can all have a moment of silence for the lives of how many Gallente midshipmen perished at the hands of their militia’s incompetence, but only just one, because they should have known what they were getting into and the reputation of Villore Accords before they agreed to work with them. May their memories be forever dishonored by the GMVA leader who said that our system is fighting is broken and blatantly asked for the systems back, ignoring the absolute failure to actually fight for and hold the systems in question. Because that’s what the Gallente Militia does: Asks for the systems back that you just lost when you actually tried to fight for the first time in months, and insult your intelligence.

Ultimately the Caldari forces prevailed in these hard-fought campaigns, and the day was won in both cases, but the beast had been roused from slumber: While it did not care for the 88 systems we had initially retaken in the span of four months, these last two, along with Old Man’s Star, showed that we actually threatened them in their centers of power, and they did what every brilliant fighting force would do and summoned their disreputable allies to come to Nennemalia, occasionally shooting them as well as us, but having quite a few moments where their coexistence showed a clear favoritism. Their efforts at actually coming to fights were also commendable for being able to show up, but their compositions were oftentimes disgusting in their wastefulness, simply trying to overwhelm us with numbers, bringing in different ships to counter what we had brought, and repeating until up to three billion ISK had been destroyed around a minor complex. Indeed, this was just one moment among many in a long and bloody campaign: Death was a constant as only six hundred ships were killed on a slow day, and over one thousand during a major push: Numbers bloody enough to make even Tama blush, and for a longer duration than the intense fighting in Floeswinn to boot. But, eventually, our successes became too much for the Gallente to bear, and they decided that the time had come to destroy the freeport that served their system. Bravo effort on being willing to burn your own system to the ground to hold it, if only their learning was not so deficient they might be able to learn something about the experience of being Caldari. But I digress: They sent a clear and present message with the destruction of the Athens Freeport: We will seek to destroy even innocent bystanders to strike at you, and punish even those who accidentally aid you.

Unfortunately, our momentum had paused with this campaign, and it was proving a rough time for many of our pilots to sustain the level of fighting. Meanwhile, the Triglavian’s campaign had come to our home of Ichoriya, a home we shared with many in the Caldari Militia. Even though there was political disagreement, we did end up putting up quite the defense of that system, as the Gallente Militia proved themselves to be some of the most perfidious of forces and allied with the Triglavian forces, trying their best to kill any anti-Triglavian militia pilots, as our wonderful State Navy sabotaged our ships by lacking any appropriate modules to ensure that the slightest bit of EM damage didn’t go straight through them. I hope many up there in high command have enjoyed their tea: at least seeing how ■■■■ the navy did was enough to get us into some of my favorite ships, all superior Minmatar designs. Either way, it fell, and the Triangles were very angry at us, something we had to try to fix to get our stuff out, no small process as we temporarily relocated, and our former glorious leader got some kind of memetic weapon implanted in him and left us to go full triangle.

However, we were still committed to our fight, and the deep experience that Sharkbait and Kimsemus brought to us from their storied histories let us set ourselves up again in our new home. We changed our doctrine to things that actually could be effective, like Windrunner fleets and Hurricanes, and set up an offensive into the usually pirate-laden den of Rakapas, oftentimes getting into fierce battles with both the Gallente Militia who would show up to fight and the Initiative Pirates who like to also live in their home of Nisuwa and, after getting their thanks for “clearing out the Caldari Militia,” would clear their smarmy presence from the skies. Meanwhile, their repeated efforts to hold the system would often see our progress close to undone, until we would shoot them and find their frigates were unarmed as they didn’t even try to fight us back. Quite the interesting thing. But, as the wider events of Capsuleer politics progressed, their keepers had vacated their space and left the Gallente Militia to fight on their own merits for a short while. This saw many pitched, but well-matched battles, with victories on both sides, always hard-fought–though you would be hard-pressed to get that truth from the braggadocious Gallente.

However, that’s all ended as of late, as their keepers have returned, and when they decided to strike at our forward staging outpost, the numbers in their fleet, as well as composition, were so overwhelming as to send a clear and present message, one of total control and domination. Even when we found our own unscrupulous allies, the fleets brought were still of such a number as to make even outside help seem infeasible, with many Capitals standing by should we even try to contest them. Of course, they never hit our home, even as we attacked their structures immediately adjacent to us, showing that they wanted to keep us contained there, for their own entertainment, even as these fleets that could certainly threaten it were deployed against much smaller structures. And to add insult to injury, when our new allies in Conoco had managed to successfully make a system vulnerable, and we had pulled off a successful offensive against the infrastructure hub, a Hel suddenly appeared in system ready to pounce on us. I’m glad they feel so threatened by our Thrashers and Vexors as to bring in a supercarrier. How brave of them. I hope they gave that Hel a medal.

So, we’re going to do the only thing we can in this situation as Caldari: Take this small box the Gallente are trying to put us in, get out of it, and smash it. We’re not playing that game anymore.

And we will be around to remind them of this. Obviously we’ve got the move and all, but I’m sure we can find some time to remind them that we do exist, and will be taking the fight to them (as we did earlier today). I hope they look forward to being shot in the face until they stop.

I wish the best of luck to half of our Caldari Militia pilots who will be staying behind to fight the good fight, and I wish to extend the ■■■■ you to the other half who AWOX us and/or are spies, and also to our Amarr allies who are either busy fighting a poorly-timed civil war or out here AWOX’ing us along with the spies, and then being insulted when we fire back. Hope something can be made of the mess, and if you need help defending or capturing systems, you have my ear. While I may not be able to capture or defend complexes with you, I am glad to shoot any and all who look at you the wrong way when you’re capturing them.

Of course, many will take our current move to join Sedition and say we are simply becoming dishonorable pirates who cannot be trusted. To cut this off preemptively, I will answer all inquiries thusly: Yes, we are pirates, and we will be the pirates who shoot Villore Accords in the face, and that is what we can be trusted to do as pirates. Whenever given the opportunity, we will pirate the ■■■■ out of them and their holdings, fighting against their very existence as a legitimate entity. And also, we will seek to uphold the State by encouraging the only sane option for people who find themselves under the flag of the Gallente: To rise up and cast of their chains of the shitty lobbyists who decide their interests and call that sham a democracy, meanwhile perpetuating rich and lazy good-for-nothing fucks to maintain their lifestyle: These people deserve to be shot. We don’t mind shooting enemies of the State, too. We’re pirates. It’s okay.

I’ve got to go set up Pirate HR now. I hope you all fly safe if you’re Caldari or otherwise a cool person, and the rest of you get caught in our gatecamps and give us nice loot and die, and ■■■■ Villore Accords.

Former Captain in the Caldari Militia, Darik Acripher

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