Not all corporations are like the one you describe, no.
Finding a corp that suits you can be one of the big challenges of the game. Don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t work out immediately.
One thing I advise is that when you are talking to recruiters, don’t feel that you are the one in a position of weakness. Interview them as much as they interview you. Make a checklist of the things you want out of the association and push them on answers.
As a very broad rule of thumb, sov owning corporations will tend to need active players, and PvPers. As you discovered, war demands participation. The exceptions are the very large ‘newbie’ alliances. Some like Karmafleet have very basic participation requirements (3 strat op attendances in a 3 month period is the guide, IIRC). Others, like Pandemic Horde, have none at all.
Like you, I have a very busy schedule at work and with other RL demands. I now live in the toughest time zone for activity, AUTZ. I joined PH because I can play when I like with no hassle and there are always fleets or PvP as Geminate is content central. Necessarily, one does not make close friends this way but it suits the way I can play nowadays.
Smaller corporations are better for long term comrades, but will tend to need all hands on deck in a crisis. Again, there are probably good small corps who are more relaxed, its just finding them, and then making sure they fit your idea of culture/humour/activities.
Outside sov ownership, I would guess activity demands are less exacting (though I imagine wormholes take some defending) so maybe FW corporations might be an option?