Cultural exchange: finding your sweetheart

Tell me; in the interest of cultural exchange;

Where you come from, if you found someone you fancy, and desired a long-term relationship or marriage with the person; how would you go about that?

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I would send a request to the Corporate Marriage Agency with the person name, so they would run a full background check of them, of me, compare us, and if they will find us compatible and not violating any corporation regulations, they would send that person my profile.

I come from the State, and yes, we have even these services for our citizens!

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On my Amarr side, if i was a young, never married, and if i dared , I’d suggest the person to the patriarch or matriarch of my family and ask for them to contact the other person’s family leader to set up an initial meeting and negotiate for a marriage.

On my Ni-Kunni side, which is still closely tied to its desert tribe roots, i’d ask for permission from my family’s patriarch or matriarch for me to be made available to suitors and have word be sent to that person or that person’s family leader, besides generally to the community.

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Gifts of livestock, such as horses, yaks, and slaves.

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Damn, the thread title made me think this was going to be a dating program, where you and a member of another Empire swap positions for a while and try to find your sweetheart in the other’s culture.

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I mean I’d watch that.

But here, I was just curious.

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Begrudgingly I must confirm that this isn’t a Kim-ism but a reality of life in the state. Now granted, a major caveat should be that this isn’t necessarily reflective of your average Statesman’s perspective around intimacy or partnerships. Going from my experience, a significant amount of Caldari typically care very little for who you get your rocks off with and how you do it. Personal interactions are seen as just that, personal business and one of the few aspects that are not considered a manner of the State.

It’s a complicated affair that’s hard to approach from a moral perspective. Marriage is a utility of the State itself to foster carefully curated family units and to forge corporate partnerships, its no different than going into business with someone emotional relationships entirely notwithstanding. If you find yourself in a more liberal minded corporate environment that means that you’re unlikely to ever be bothered with matters of who you choose to engage yourself with as it’s simply not relevant to the State. Others however, well… I’m sure I don’t need to explain the clear homophobia present in such a system and how it at best otherizes and infantilizes not even just non-hetero relationships but all non-curated relationships.

If you ask me, it’s really gross an incomparable to the secular idea of romance. Marriage is entirely a business relationship in the State, even if some people happen to get lucky and pair with someone they can actually be happy with. It’s statist enough that it actually put me off of ever seeking marriage with my partner, instead opting for what can best be described as a civil partnership where we are permitted to joint file assets with some additional liability and medical protections. In the eyes of the State, legally, I am still simply Galm Fae and my partner is Niina Eskola. Our listing on the Summit and CONCORD registry are just a quark of how we were required to file alternative aliases seperate from our warclone registry to operate on capsuleer channels.

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With respect, the majority of contributors on these Galnet comms are consciously or otherwise greatly influenced by Gallentean cultural constructs such as ‘rights’, ‘freedoms’ and individualism.

I feel certain, therefore that readers do not really wish to understand how matches are made where I come from in the facilities. Desire or ‘fancy’ does not come into it.

Strike Commander Kim’s description seems most efficient and remarkably gentle.

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I met my wife upon the conclusion of my conscripted service in Lai Dai Protection Services through a Lai Dai sponsored matchmaking program. Upon induction into the program I was matched on compatibility with women on the basis of criteria such as age cohort; education; socioeconomic background; as well as psychometric profiles.

After perusing the profiles of some I was matched with, I would request a date through my local corporate Commissar and upon approval would be assigned a chaperone from the Lai Dai marriage council. During the dates both I and my assigned partner would assess our further continued compatibility with each other both personally and professionally while enjoying the social activities scheduled by our chaperones – who would also further assess the viability of our pairing for cohabitation and professional growth.

My wife and I scored in the top one percentile for compatibility and professional growth according to the Lai Dai marriage council. Upon being informed of such we both decided such a score would be sufficient grounds to form a legal and social union through marriage.

We have been married for ten years now, and the happiness and joy we have experienced through our marriage has only emphasized for us the wisdom of our leaders and reinforced our shared beliefs in the State system as espoused by Lai Dai Corporation.

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Just what are you up to now?

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In The State, it tends to vary greatly. Between each megacorp your standards of marriage and the way that your matchmaking is incentivized is not universal. There are variances between each parent mega, its subcorp family groups, and so on.

Your options in most megacorps are open to some degree as long as you produce viable offspring and it does not interfere with productivity, but you are highly incentivized to apply through a registered Corporate Marriage Agency to be matched. Economic boons, social standing incentives, better housing, just to name a few.

Outside of that, well, as Mr. Fae has said, your managers shouldn’t and largely don’t give a toss who you ■■■■, just keep that in your private life, because its exactly that. And you CAN marry outside of the existing matchmaking programs, you just are not provided the same incentives, and a certain stigma certainly exists if you openly marry outside your bloodline. That doesn’t stop you from doing so, and if a manager tries to threaten you with your marriage choice… well, that’s what Human Resources is for. May not make you many friends of course, but each corporation takes its Human Resources quite seriously. The loss of valuable productivity because a manager wants to take an interest in what his or her workers do off the clock is a distasteful manipulation of corporate resources, and at least in the NOH family of corps, dealt with quite harshly.

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Can one not be simply curious of customs outside of one’s own sphere of experience?

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Such a thing is possible, but I would find the scenario where there is some sort of scheming or plotting or some other nefariousness afoot far more believable.

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Romance in the state sounds bleak. In my clan, if you find someone you like, you date for a bit then get married… if you’re into that kinda’ thing.

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No more than what is traditionally proper for a Keeper of Traditions, I assure you.

Would you care to answer the question?

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While I believe romance is important in a marriage, at least insofar as physical attractiveness and emotional intimacy towards a partner is necessary in the promotion of procreation, it is not the only or even most important criterion in a marriage to me.

Marriage in the State is a duty to be fulfilled, an obligation to future generations that they are raised and enculturated with the traditions of the Caldari people in an environment that is emotionally supportive and financially secure. To prioritize romance above such considerations one would be remiss in their duty to their corporation and the State.

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So, what you’d do is this:

  1. Find out their name.
  2. Look them up in the family trees, land registries, church rolls etc, to find out if they are a suitable candidate genetically, financially, and religiously.
  3. Use your network of friends to get invites to social functions where they are likely to be.
  4. Dress in a manner which accentuates your figure at these social functions, so you get Noticed.
  5. Introduce yourself to them when an opportunity arises at the social function. E.g. intercept them at the snack trolley.
  6. Engage them in conversation, to determine the content of their personality. Use lots of gestures while speaking so they can see you don’t have a wedding ring on.
  7. If it all looks good, ask them if they’d like to accompany you to a social event, if necessary, make one up.
  8. After the third social event where you attended together, stick your tongue in their ear and say that you really like them.
  9. If they also like you, then you are now in a relationship and can then go to private events together, such as the theatre, or to a restaurant.
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I would never follow such a fancy, but only do as Tradition and Duty dictated.

Is this to imply that such fancies have no role in guiding which option compatible with [translator: do not translate: Amarrian: tradition and duty] one might pick?

My romantic entanglements have mostly been thanks to chance meetings at various places. And usually evolved from friendships. Also, contrary to the belief of some, they haven’t been as copious as one would think.

Utari and I were friends for a long time and then a spark began to slowly develop. Now we’re engaged. Sometimes, that’s just how things work.

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