I was more trying to ask for customs of various backgrounds around navigating such things… but now that I think about it, personal stories are also interesting.
Not at my station.
Personal stories frame quite a few of the romantic connections more so than culture or duty in capsuleer communities, from what I’ve seen over the past ten years. I imagine baseliners don’t often have the same luxuries.
At this point into the development of the capsuleer class, most - pretty much all - of us come from baseliner backgrounds still, though. My original question framed as “where you come from” was indeed initially about those baseliner cultures.
Well, considering I come from no where and my mother basically disowned me, I’d say I have developed my own customs.
Indeed, and with time and generations, I expect more of those will spring up. Tradition is a living thing and ever in motion. But we come to develop ours based on where we come from, either trying to follow it, or trying to discard it; even when we do not think about how we grew up much it is still there, with an effect on who we are, how we think; we are none of us blank slates. And thus, I feel, understanding those backgrounds is a key to understanding the new things, too.
Although all are bound by the Imperial Rite and by the decisions of their familial and societal superiors, there still are many local traditions in the Empire, at least as many as there are inhabited planets or asteroids.
Long ago, I lived on an ice world, colonized by hard-working practical people. The name of the town I called home is “Frozen River”. My people were more practical than poetical. It will not surprise you that there is a frozen river dividing the settlement it in two parts. They are called East Bank and West Bank. East Bank is on the north side of the river, and West Bank is to the south. Maybe it was a mistake by the original settlers, but the nature of the townsfolk is such that no-one ever bothered to change these names once they were given.
The river thaws somewhat for two months every year, when it becomes liquid but still carries big chunks of ice downriver. There is only one permanent bridge connecting the two banks, and it requires a lot of maintenance due to the freezing and churning of the ice. With only one tenuous connection, the two sides of town drifted apart over the years and became rivals. The two sides even developed slight differences in slang and accent, that can only be recognized by and only matter to the inhabitants of Frozen River.
To be socially accepted, youngsters must assert that the townsfolk from the other side are stupid, their curling team is worse, their beer is staler, and their mothers overweight. This loud laughter is often followed by feverish whispering about indecent passions unknown to the sweethearts of the own, decent side. So, secretly, many yearn for a lover from the other side.
To impress such a love interest, and to show off to the other side in general, rebellious youngsters cross the frozen river on foot (not using the bridge of course). This is considered most impressive when it is done right around the time when the river freezes over again, and the ice is weak, and the crossing is at its most dangerous.
This daredevilry became a tradition: the “love crossing”. To properly ask someone in marriage, a suitor should cross the frozen river from the opposite side to where their love interest lives. And, should your love interest refuse to marry you after you’ve crossed… custom is that you have to turn back, again over the ice. It happens that a spurned and heartbroken lover purposefully chooses a path back on ice they know is too thin…
At first, this custom was forbidden, as fatal accidents happened regularly. Anyone that falls through the ice gets pulled away from the hole by the strong undercurrents of the river beneath. However, the prohibition did not work: people would do it anyway in secret, somewhere far upstream or downstream from town. So now, instead, there is an official ice scout that marks “safe love crossing paths” on the ice, often within sight of the bridge. Even in governance, the townsfolk here is of practical mind. Of course, there was initially some protest from convinced romantics, but it is now the accepted way to perform the love crossing. It turns out most people didn’t really want their suitor to risk their life for a marriage proposal.
You know, I think that is the first thing anyone in PIE has said that I agree with.
I was born in space and raised a single child by my father after my mother’s passing and thus in truth my house has shrunk to a size where traditions are somewhat empty trappings of a lost age. We do however retain some records of the customs of the past.
My people, as all the Ni-Kunni are to some degree, were descended from desert wanderers. Unlike the Directrix’s tribe we had abandoned the harshness of the sands for the relative comforts of a mountain valley blessed with natural springs enough to feed a small holding. This process of settling down allowed for rather more free time and personal freedoms to develop amongst the nascent towns inhabitants.
To address your actual question. Though the social mores still demanded that family elders be contacted, permissions granted and contracts negotiated, it was common for the young to find their own loves during festival days and social gatherings. Having decided upon each other and gaining the approval of their family leader it would be traditional to petition the Baron. Eight times a year, at the end of each month there would be a ceremony wherein all business of that sort would be concluded in the public eye.
Of course, by the time the 51st contacted my people these traditions had already ebbed somewhat. The, at that point rapid, advancements in artifice had been matched by changing social mores. Most especially in the towns. The Barons approval had become a formality in many cases, replaced with an even greater emphasis on personal choice. We can surmise this was connected in some fashion to the increased wealth of the town and its inhabitants due to its access to fine metal deposits so in demand in those days of invention.
All this was of course swept away during the great leveling that accompanied the contact with the Amarr. Afterwards many of our original traditions were replaced by either Amarrian social mores or those of the desert tribes.
Forgive me if this does not answer your question directly. As I alluded to in the preamble I cannot truly give an answer. Your question merely sparked a passing thought I wished to share.
The way to proceed below ins’t, of course, fully failed proof, and I’m far from an expert in romantic and/or marital matter.
But I’m confident it can work, or be adapted, with a wide scope of cultural backgrounds!
Now, with two strong conditions below, and taking a few more parameters into account (see at the end of the post)
Having your partner fully onboard with you. Not literally, obviously.
Both of your families are caring and understanding, AND DO NOT nourish a significant feud toward one another.
You can announce (both) your respective parents that they should be grand-parent in x months
From that moment on, or at least after a little time of recover, they should take care of all the details regarding the social/cultural officialization of the relationship, and optimize them more or less.
The few more parameters:
Choosing the “x” can be tricky. It shouldn’t be too early, nor too late. As a safety reminder, as we are on the IGS after all, it is usually comprised between 0-9 months. I guess saying 3-4 months with “we are not exactly sure, you know…” is a good way to start?
While it is most expected for female/male couples, I guess it could be adapted for other kind of couple. Be confident, be creative! … and do not take this post too seriously, I’m afraid.
If I’m your mother, do not even try this trick with me!
PS: Sorry Ms Rhiannon, it just was tooooo tempting!
Ah, well then.
Waged war on Amarrbloc for a year and a half. Hunted them, Blooders and other nasties.
That was not supposed to work out the way it did, but I’m not going to pretend I’m not happy about it.
Meet a sexy pirate in a bar. Have a one night stand that turns into ten years of marriage, seemingly in the blink of an eye. Ignore all complaints and neutralize any challenges to our love.
It’s absolutely not the Amarrian way, but the Amarrian way of doing things would not have worked for us. So we made some compromises.
Same here. There’s a lot of emphasis on the dating bit, since you want to know you can both get along in confined spaces and stuff, especially if you live in one of the deeper seahabs. Nobody wants to have an accident because they were pissed at their SO and forgot to check the scrubbers.
There are so many responses to this that in short it would be “we are where we are meant to be”.
As we have strong ties with Sukuuvestaa and it is one of the Megas with a seat at the CEP, we fall under the “Caldari” category, but their ways are more of Caldari Prime while ours are more of Saisio III.
There are many cultures where the concepts of marriage and divorce are considered to be sacred acts in one’s life path, believed to allow someone to move forward in their spiritual journey, enabling one to achieve a societally-perceived level of happiness, previously unattainable to an unmarried individual.
For some (if not a lot of) Achur, that is not the case.
Some of our way focuses more on achieving harmony with nature and handling one’s self and one’s spirit, and since human activities are fluid, they can change along with the shifting feelings and experiences of the people involved.
There is a book with many truths in it that is considered for “children”, but i do like to revisit from time to time, and there is a part of it that captures something i consider relevant for the topic at hand (with small adjustments)
To me, you are still nothing more than someone who is just like a hundred thousand other someones. And I have no connection to you. And you, on your part, have no connection to me. To you, I am nothing more than a kitsune like a hundred thousand other kitsunes. But if you connect with me, then we shall transform each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . .
One day i was interacting with someone just like the other someones in here, the other i was having a hot, nasty, tender and sweet encounter at a major trade hub, and the other there were fierce tongues like whips.
Just like that, people that one never payed attention to change out of nowhere and become something else. That is, until again out of nowhere they change to something else.
If it is harmonious to approach, do so.
If it is harmonious to distance oneself, do so.
Hence, marriage and divorce are more of a civil matter determined by law rather than something spiritual.
As with many tricks of words and concepts, if a blind one points up saying moon, and stays that way for a period of time, other might see only the flaring sun where there was no moon left.
Such is change. Some consider it a gift, others a curse, and to others simply is.
Then again, there are many many temples with different rules here, so interpretations may vary.
There is this roller disco venue near where I used to live in a Syndicate station. Asking someone out there is how you’d indicate that you’re interested in a relationship.
“Skating together” basically means a relationship in its early stages, around those parts.
I would really appreciate if you don’t defend me and my Honor from all these despicable dishonorable scum who would dare to doubt Word of a Caldari Officer in public.
Pretty much I can stomp this trash back into their place shall they dare to open their useless mouths at me.
Thanks anyway, but one more time, my Honor is my business and my alone. And it’s for me to defend, not others. Thanks in advance.
Take this honor of a Caldari officer broken record to another thread. Thanks in advance.
Traditionally it was this:
Orubüji (“Night dance”): Bachelors of the families gather and dance next to a large bonfire - style is free, though many make an effort to learn traditional courting dances - where they try to impress the women of their physical prowess and stamina and, of course, aspire to be selected by maidens of other families. It is loud, sweaty, and takes several hours.
Though now this is mainly done as a performance for tradition’s sake in our own winter celebrations roughly around the time of Yoiul Festival, and actual courtship has long since modernized, occasional marriages still happen as a result.
In a more recent take, in heterosexual relationships it is still generally the woman who takes the initiative both in starting dating and proposal of marriage in our clan. I don’t think I should need to explain how dating works, but yes, you find someone interesting and think that you might make good partners, you ask them out, figure out if you have some shared interests and if they like you back, and if all goes well, you might want to make your relationship official for societal and legal reasons. I did mention heterosexual relationships separately, because same-sex relationships and marriage are legal and accepted here.
If you were asking about the specific process; Marriages are typically administered and affirmed by a shaman, because it is conjoining of two spirits for those more romantically inclined. For less romantically inclined there is simply the option to register your relationship.
I believe I will most likely be married in a political arrangement in order to build stronger relations with Amarrian loyalists. I will be proud to marry a pureblood Amarrian noblewoman. I only hope that our future children will be able to overcome my dirty blood and be a respected member of Amarrian society.
As a scion of an Amarrian holder, a process of my partnership would not drastically differ from that of my former peers; it would be a process of arrangements, political interests and elitist vanity.
As I renounced the empire, the Amarrian faith, as well as my own lineage, I decided not to take romantic fraternization of any kind even in my currently more lenient situations.
If I die without a child, that means another cursed holder bloodline is gone with me, one less name to be listed within their books.
Perhaps the empire already consider my family line “dead” after my apostasy, still, having one holder-line eradicated is a good thing.
Former Holder turned Freedom Fighter.
Proud Apostate and a Traitor.
Proud bearer of the self-inflicted Black Dagger mark.