EVE Online Forum Posting TLDR Simulation Guide

I notice that every EVE Online forum post generally follows the same pattern.

For example, many posters were once concerned about the cancellation of the alliance tournament, generating posts with such redeeming content as, "“CCP is trash they dont even do the alliance tournament anymore grrr hat CCP”. CCP listened to these tears and decided to bring the alliance tournament back, generating similar complaints, “CCP is trash they think the alliance tournament will solve anything this is not what we needed right now grrrr hat CCP.”

Obviously, with such a wonderful community, it’s a total waste of time to take the forums seriously, hence the decision by basically everyone at CCP to avoid any discussion in the forums. Therefore, in order to simplify and automate the process of forum ranting, I present the following guide to simulating your post. You can follow my flowchart to see exactly how your post will proceed.

Topic: “grrrr hat CCP grrr”
Response: “pearl abyss summer of rage garrrrr monocles profit hathathat rorqual microtransaction blackout whine world of warcraft IM A PAYING CUSTOMER zkill”

Topic: “quitting”
Response: “can i have your stuff nobody cares bye go away pleb loser lol griefers are killing the game theresthedoor you’ll be back again? zkill”

Topic: “PvE players deserve better”
Response: “calm down miner grrr abuse harassment hathathat griefer bullies space sociopath uninstall hat CCP greed profit Pearl Abyss hathathat Ridley Dracvlad Ridley Ridley Dracvlad Dracvlad Dracvlad zkill”

Topic: “too many carebears”
Response: “calm down ganker grrrr hat F1 garrrr griefers we make your ships! garrr eve is NOT a PvP game i mine because it is relaxing im not a miner! zkill”

Topic: “my great idea/open letter”
Response: “lol ok tldr thanks for sharing didn’t read too long next time use punctuation in before the lock! looooool zkill”



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That’s right Destiny, this is a “great idea/open letter” post, you have correctly applied the flowcart in order to simulate the normal course of this thread!



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lol, ok.
thanks for sharing.
didn’t read too long
next time use punctuation
in before the lock! looooool :sweat_smile:

Bows low Once again, you have demonstrated your infinitely superior and majestic intellect, Ô Princess. None can even dream to ever attain your level of magnificence, Your Majesty. Bows low

That right. A modern solution would be to introduce a bot to run through this tiresome posting process freeing players from the drudgery of such pointless points.

I’m not sure I completely understand what you find pointless.

But if it’s the process of posting a post for you, then yes. A bot can do that. I’m sure a bot trained on the conversation patterns within these forums will sound totally sane… yes yes.

I definitely don’t understand what you don’t understand, but I do know for sure somebody is keeping score.

What? :thinking:

while giving a guide on ranting you succeed in ranting.


I’m just here so people see ISD was in the thread. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


Rules of Conduct

The following rules of conduct are to be followed when using the EVE Online forums. Breach of these rules will result in users being reprimanded as described in the policy below these rules.
1.Specifically restricted conduct.

The purpose of the EVE Online forums is to provide a platform for exchange of ideas, and a venue for the discussion of EVE Online. Occasionally there will be conflicts that arise when people voice opinions. Forum users are expected to courteous when disagreeing with others.

In order to maintain an environment where everyone is welcome and discussion flows freely, certain types of conduct are prohibited on the EVE Online forums. These are:

Personal Attacks
Racism & Discrimination
Hate Speech
Off-Topic Posting
Pyramid Quoting
Rumor Mongering
New Player Bashing

Surprised that this is not locked because it falls afoul of three of these. But if the ISD are happy with it, I guess that is fine then. :+1:

@DeMichael_Crimson Yikes, check this out!

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omg, quick!
In b4 lock :laughing:

You’re doing it wrong. Didn’t you read the post? You’re not supposed to tag your alt in the open letter category.

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I suspect your interpretation of what qualifies as those three, whatever they are, is far more all-encompassing than ISD standards or the average player expectations.


If only I was the handsome and super intelligent DeMichael Crimson, but alas no.

I don’t have any issues with light hearted fun, which is what I interpret it as, if I’m mistaken or if it takes a turn then yeah close.


Thanks for the reply, I was just super curious and you answered it. o7

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Btw, I kinda appreciate you coming into this thread and just responding like a human.

I know, this is going to “confirm” the “bias” that “some” people continuously bring up.

However, I honestly find it refreshing that you came in here and poked some fun as well, instead of the ISD’s just being this bot army of copy-pasting the rules before locking threads.