I notice that every EVE Online forum post generally follows the same pattern.
For example, many posters were once concerned about the cancellation of the alliance tournament, generating posts with such redeeming content as, "“CCP is trash they dont even do the alliance tournament anymore grrr hat CCP”. CCP listened to these tears and decided to bring the alliance tournament back, generating similar complaints, “CCP is trash they think the alliance tournament will solve anything this is not what we needed right now grrrr hat CCP.”
Obviously, with such a wonderful community, it’s a total waste of time to take the forums seriously, hence the decision by basically everyone at CCP to avoid any discussion in the forums. Therefore, in order to simplify and automate the process of forum ranting, I present the following guide to simulating your post. You can follow my flowchart to see exactly how your post will proceed.
Topic: “grrrr hat CCP grrr”
Response: “pearl abyss summer of rage garrrrr monocles profit hathathat rorqual microtransaction blackout whine world of warcraft IM A PAYING CUSTOMER zkill”
Response: “can i have your stuff nobody cares bye go away pleb loser lol griefers are killing the game theresthedoor you’ll be back again? zkill”
Topic: “PvE players deserve better”
Response: “calm down miner grrr abuse harassment hathathat griefer bullies space sociopath uninstall hat CCP greed profit Pearl Abyss hathathat Ridley Dracvlad Ridley Ridley Dracvlad Dracvlad Dracvlad zkill”
Topic: “too many carebears”
Response: “calm down ganker grrrr hat F1 garrrr griefers we make your ships! garrr eve is NOT a PvP game i mine because it is relaxing im not a miner! zkill”
Topic: “my great idea/open letter”
Response: “lol ok tldr thanks for sharing didn’t read too long next time use punctuation in before the lock! looooool zkill”