Everything you ever needed to know about The Demon War but were too afraid to ask


(Valerie Valate) #1

The Demon War

The Demon War is a subject of great importance, yet few people are aware of it. Fortunately, I, Professor Valate, Greatest Sani Sabik Capsuleer Philosopher of the Modern Era am here to enlighten the masses on the nature of the Demon war, and why people should at all costs, seek to avoid becoming part of it.

Now then, let us begin at the beginning, which is where we begin. At the creation of the Universe, in the form of a hypergarlic, God’s primordial realm was at the centre of the garlic, with each successive universe created forming a new layer of the 12-dimensional hypergarlic. Humanity inhabits one of the middle layers of the garlic, and the Sefrim are native to a layer closer to the celestial core, while the layers further from the core than our own, are inhabited by a different class of being. The Demons.

Now then, there are two factions of demons. For, just as there exists Light and Darkness, there exists two kinds of demons, bitterly opposed to each other from the moment they became aware of each others existence.

The Beast and The Deceiver

The first faction of demons is that led by The Beast.
They are creatures of pure chaos, impulse and desire, though absolutely lacking in any kind of ability to plan or organise more than a few moments in advance.
Capricious and whimsical, they have no compunction about breaking any agreements made.

The second faction of demons, is that led by The Deceiver.
They are creatures of order, rule, and discipline, though often lacking in imagination and creativity.
Deceptive and crafty, they will however keep to the letter of any agreements made.

The Beast and The Deceiver, and their followers, have been engaged in an eternal war, because of their diametrically opposed natures. This war, is The Demon War. An unending war of such absolute brutality, that the typical human intellect cannot even begin to grasp the sheer level of horror involved.

Now in order to fight the war, the demons recruit humans to serve as footsoldiers, and do so by several means. Woe unto those who summon a demon, for they risk being enrolled in the demon war.

The chaotic person, who revels in such things as drunken violence, is a tempting recruit for The Beast. While on the other hand, the scheming person, who revels in plotting is a tempting recruit for The Deceiver.

Sometimes, a person will attempt to make a bargain with a demon, exchanging their soul for material wealth or power. This is a bad idea, for at their death their soul shall not enter Paradise, instead serving eternally in the demon war.

Indeed, The Deceiver is extremely skilled at this kind of bargaining. For, one of the most important things to know about The Deceiver, is that Hell does not exist. Hell is a concept created by The Deceiver, to make people fear that there is a worse punishment than oblivion and not entering Paradise, and make them receptive to the idea of entering into the kind of bargains that enrol them in the demon war.

The demon contract that the Deceiver’s minions might offer, has such complex terms and conditions, that they make a Caldari Megacorporation’s software EULA look as straightforward as an arrow.

This kind of thing, is why one should never, ever, make contact with, or make contracts with, any demon. For doing so, will enrol you in the demon war, an eternity of hellish torment.


(Samira Kernher) #2

You’re taking all of this from a tabletop game, aren’t you.


(Valerie Valate) #3

“For all life is holy, and if a man revels in his own death he is become the Beast,
And that man will come before the Beast after death, and stay at his knees forever.”


(Lasairiona Raske) #4

:popcorn:


(Ember Fireheart) #5

yawnzore


(Isha Vuld) #6

I’ve heard of evil spirits and that one must avoid them, but this seems like a few levels of crazy above that. In fact, I feel fairly certain I did read this in some fantasy game rulebook at some point.


(Kalaratiri) #7

I request a diagram of the different kinds of demon inside the hypergarlic.

I am a visual learner.


(Valerie Valate) #8

Scarlet Temptress:

A chaotic demon. Can snap a human’s neck with her thighs. Also capable of stunning those of weak willpower, by baring her chest and/or buttocks at them.

If you see the Scarlet Temptress before she sees you, flee, as she is a powerful adversary.


(Mizhir) #9

I wonder what my Demon name & special powers are.


(Deceiver's Echo) #10

Hmm. I rather enjoy this interpretation.


(Lasairiona Raske) #11

Haha, @Kalaratiri. Enjoy the title. Use it well.


(Teinyhr) #12

Ditto.


(Morgana Tsukiyo) #13

Oh oh! Do me, do me!


(Mizhir) #14

I got my answer.

[15:43:25] Valerie Valate > The Dissector. Demon of Order. Able to peel layers of tissue from any living being, and discover its secrets. Also with scalpel-sharp talons.


(Utari Onzo) #15

What nights does this run and can I bring a Level 5 Daemon character?


(Aria Jenneth) #16

Okay-- is it bad that now I’m curious?


(Mizhir) #17

I am not sure if I should be concerned by your curiosity given a rather recent event.

Joke aside: Do you remember this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cx8Ac44RL4?


(Aria Jenneth) #18

Oh! … So that’s what she’s talking about. So you’re an autopsy demon.

… uh. You know, watching that and seeing the analysis of Drifter blood … is anyone else reminded sharply of mutaplasmids? (While being fully aware that apparent physical similarities between microscopic structures can be wildly misleading…)


(Mizhir) #19

In a way they are quite the opposite. In the case of the Drifters they are using nanotechnology to change biology while with Mutaplasmids we are utilising biotech to enhance mechanical items.


(Maira Blackfire) #20

Oh. Now this have gotten my attraction, And I now wonder what special powers I will have.