Contact has been lost with the GP team on Floseswin IV.
The team failed to report in as scheduled, and Gutter Press have been unable to raise them on their portable Quantum Entanglement Communicator.
The last communication filed with the GP office was as follows:
COS: Might have something, boss, some fishermen say one of their trawlers was dragged backwards at incredible speed. Might be a sea monster, might be something else weird. Gonna travel out to this fishing village, take a looky.
MR: Sea monster ? awesome, we need more of that.
COS: Right. Rep forces are on the move, weather cleared up a bit, so it’s a bit further south than usual. Should be safe enough though. Will call back in on Saturday.
MR: Gotcha. If it is a monster, find out if it has tentacles. Bitches love tentacles.
COS: You got it, chief.
Gutter Press have received no communications from Floseswin IV since, though it is understood the situation remains highly dynamic and can change rapidly at a moment’s notice.
Obviously, this Gutter Press team was really a bunch of spies attempting to locate the antimatter ICBM submarines, using their press credentials as cover. I had thought better of Gutter Press, but perhaps I was so blinded by my respect for Shirley Serious that I did not fully comprehend the Minmatarness of their other reporters.
It’s quite possible that the news crew were caught up in that antimatter strike on the planet, and you people are making jokes about Caldari erotic squid. Have you no decency ?