Greetings, Capsuleers, and welcome to GM Week, our favorite time of the year!
It’s contest time! We’re thrilled to be hosting two contests this year: “The Funniest Kill Mail” and “The Unhelpful Center”, and we are eagerly anticipating the hilarious content you’ll share.
The Funniest Kill Mail Contest:
Rules: Secure a kill (final blow) on another player during GM Week.
Criteria: We won’t strictly define “funny”. It could be an unexpected solo kill, a themed cargo hold items, or anything unconventional that raises a sensible chuckle. When submitting, we’d like a short sentence describing why you believe it deserves to win.
Submission:
Post your Zkillboard link in this thread under the character that achieved the final blow.
Prizes:
1st place: Three SKINs (1x Capsuleer Elite XIX, 1x Kybernaut Clade, and 1 Ruby Sungrazer of your choice) + 3000 PLEX.
2nd place: Two SKINs (1x Kybernaut Clade and 1x Radioactives Reclamation of your choice) + 1500 PLEX.
3rd place: One SKIN (1x Snowline Bladeracer of your choice) + 1000 PLEX.
The Unhelpful Center Contest:
Objective: Select a potentially (un)helpful topic and write a guide for newcomers. To get an idea, check our help center to see our standard format and presentation. Winning entries might exhibit:
High meme factor
Humor
Originality
Degree of (un)helpfulness
Note: These should definitely err on the side of hilarious and away from anything that could be considered insulting. And don’t worry, we won’t be posting these to our help center
Submission: Post your article directly in this thread when it’s ready for review.
Prizes:
1st place: Three SKINs (1x Capsuleer Elite XIX, 1x Kybernaut Clade, and 1 Ruby Sungrazer of your choice) + 3000 PLEX.
2nd place: Two SKINs (1x Kybernaut Clade and 1x Radioactives Reclamation of your choice) + 1500 PLEX.
3rd place: One SKIN (1x Snowline Bladeracer of your choice) + 1000 PLEX.
The GM team will first shortlist their favorite kill mails and (un)helpful articles to the top 10 entries. Another round of internal GM voting will follow, narrowing it down to the top 3. These finalists will then be presented to the community for the final vote, determining the ultimate winners!
We will accept submissions for both competitions until GM Week concludes (Sunday, October 29th 23:59 EVE Time).
Good luck, dear Capsuleers, and let the games BEGIN!
Greetings and welcome to the CCP GM team and/or engineering team. This page used to be internal to QA but newbies always have questions how the audio works, so we’ve moved this page here for broader reference.
System Overview
Game state in, music out.
Detailed trigger scenarios
Triggering something specific can be a bit complicated due to the broad capabilities of the system. Here’s some audio triggers that commonly raise questions:
TriggerID
One-shot?
Repro/Notes
serviceModuleOnlined
✓
Use a big system - fails to trigger within 14.3au of a wreck #2045117
skinApplied
Caution, this predates SKINs and is deprecated in favor of sanshaInvaderConsumeCorpse. the loop stops when the NPC dies or the pilot changes systems
SKINApplied
✓
This is the one you’re probably looking for
t3SubsystemSKPLoss
✓
Deprecated. Imagine if the sad trombone “bug/easter egg” #1976647 had hit TQ
Have an odd number of NPC’s on grid with at least one target lock on pilot
playerCombatBegins
✓
Undock
minmatarFoleyCreaking
✓
Undock Minmatar BC+ with less than 500 hull hp
gallenteFoleyCreaking
✓
Undock Gallente Industrial carrying any of Passengers group and any of Narcotics group
wormholeTravellerC
Be in C4-C6. Take exactly two jumps into Thera. Take exactly two jumps more, ending in C1-C3
PolarisDuel
✓
Duel a Polaris frigate while piloting another Polaris frigate. This trigger was actually added by the devs involved, at @CCP_Hilmar’s request, as part of disciplinary procedures. Obviously, Hilmar recorded this take personally
smugglerTravellerB
Transit Sanctum with a 256+ stack of any item in Narcotics group
hellIfIKnowCap
✓
Filament into a system you have never entered before
deathwish
This one’s complicated and we’ve kinda lost track of all trigger methods. The most reliable way is to enter low in a blockade runner without anything fit in your high slots. It currently doesn’t trigger if anyone is on entry grid though #2088220
shotsFired
✓
Pilot must be undocked at the moment that ISD hides their forum post for moderation. Thanks Team MetricShotload for confirming that this is fact the least frequently triggered of all audio triggers
Hello fellow capsulleer, you may be new or you may be a veteran. However one thing that is a must is staying protected from New Eden’s STD called “awoxxing”
Now i know that std stands for sexually transmitted diseases, but the way they use you then brutally and intimately blow you up and leave you sad and questioning life after, it prwctically qualified as an STD.
How to avoid it
Remember no ship is too small to contract a STD. Step number one is when you see a neutral orange red or even a blue nowadays acting overfriendly, theres only 2 possibilities; theyre either sexually attracted to your virtual space ship (highly unlikely) or they want their zkill to look shinier than a golden magnate. Now when you encounter these vile creature you have 3 options:
Run away
Call them a troglodyte and run away
Fight then (not recommened unless you know youll clap him)###
Now if you fail to avoid stage 1 and have already befriended him you have 3 more options:
Shatter their ego
Block them
Fight them###
If all else fails you either lose your ship and get laughted at by reddit or you somehow survive and have a pissed basement dweller rant about it on reddit.
Stay Safe
Dont get stds
And remember if they have herpes deliver them to hell like hermes
Learning Triglavian Lore: A HOW-TO Complete with dialogue from CCP’s initial trial. CCP volunteer’s conclusion about the Triglavians attached at the end.
== PROPOSAL NOT FOR ROUTINE DISTRIBUTION ==
1. Watch this trailer to see how the invasion started.
“Look at these inept geniuses”
“Should’ve taken the gate immediately”
“Yeah, they’re screwed.”
“Wait, that’s how the invasion started? Oh … … … idiots.”
2. Read the news to see how the invasion went.
“Of course the empires were still fighting each other while fighting the Collective.”
“Hahaha! Oops! Make sure to expand the firing range exclusion zone to cover the entire grid next time!”
“Of course the contract went to Upwell. Those guys are shady.”
“Wait, the Triglavians like rogue drones? Are they gasp Gallente?”
“Seems the cluster really likes their holidays! Still celebrating while their buddies are being slaughtered. Weirdos.”
3. After getting bored of sifting through all the news, begin reading the Lore summaries
“Wait … there’s nothing here. Oh well, next step.”
4. Move on to reading ship descriptions.
“Oh! They really like the number three. Do their dogs look like Cerberus? Are they three-headed? Could we get a hydra?”
“Well, they do like to fight. Hmm … kinda like capsuleers.”
4.1 Realize the time.
“It’s been 47 hours and 59 minutes?!? I’ve been up for almost a day reading this?!”
*“Time to go to sleep.”
4.2 … … …
Loud snoring
4.3 … … …
Loud snoring
Team Lead: Okay, cut it here, I guess. CCP Volunteer, what did you think about our guide? CCP Volunteer: Very engaging. Would do it again! Team Lead: Great to hear! What did you learn? CCP Volunteer: Lore’s fun. Go learn lore! Team Lead: What about specifically with regard to Triglavians? CCP Volunteer: There were lots of news. I skipped most of it. I need to go back and read them. Tell you later. Team Lead: Tell me later? The trial’s over! CCP Volunteer: I’ll tell you later! The trial ain’t over yet!
Test Notes
Go read the lore. That’s the one and only step?
Lore is fun, always read lore.
Read lore every day.
In addition to the default tri-color Ship Safety Settings, there are additional safety settings that can be unlocked with the use of illegal “after-market” modifications to the CONCORD required SPORKS unit (Spacecraft Piloting and Orbit Regulation Kontrol System).
Like the default Ship Safety Settings, these modifications restrict certain actions to allow capsuleers to hold themselves to specific requirements or honor systems without expending much effort or thought.
Due to the “less regulated” nature of such modification, there are a plethora of potential choices to choose from. For brevity, a sampling of popular SPORKS modifications has been included.
Modification Name
Installation Requirements
Brief Description
Source
H0L33
There are no “official requirements” for installing this system, but it will initiate a ship’s self-destruct if is not Amarrian.
This system highlights and always allows for the destruction of Minmatar vessels, Minmatar sympathizers, and oddly enough, any ship that has begun to rust despite its origin. This is likely an artifact of whatever method the designers of this modification used to identify Minmatar vessels.
This modification is readily available at any Amarrian-aligned station and is known to be installed onto unsuspecting vessels as a “prank” by the more zealous ship techs.
UN-HOL33
This installation cannot be installed on any Amarrian-constructed vessel.
This modification counteracts the effects of HOL33. Uninstalling HOL33 is notoriously difficult, and installing an additional SPORKS modification over it is typical.
Readily available from most Minmatar sympathizers, Except from the Nefantar. They do have a branch of UN-HOL33 often available, but it keeps the self-destruct protocol if it is installed on a rusting vessel.
Mercy
This modification appears to install itself under unknown conditions.
Disables the ability to shoot rogue drones and some Vexors or Ishtars.
No one knows.
f1
None
Disables the ability to disable modules. All modules are bound to a single control system. Slaves a ship’s navigation system to another vessel.
Apparently monkeys? It is unclear, and the source does appear to have been written by tossing an input device down a flight of stairs.
ELITE BRAWLER
One must believe themselves to be better than those who use f1.
Disables the ability to disable modules. All modules are bound to a single control system. Slaves a ship’s navigation to approach a single target.
Also apparently monkeys? It is unclear…
ELITE NANO
One must believe themselves to be better than “elite brawlers”.
Disables the ability to intelligently disable modules to conserve capacitor. All modules are bound to random control systems. Slaves a ship’s navigation to a gerbil in a ball, in a larger ball, in a washing machine.
There is no substantial evidence that it was not developed by monkeys.
f2
One must believe themselves to be better than those who use f1
Identical to f1, but enables systems to be bound to a second control system.
In addition to the above “conventional” modifications, there are more esoteric SPORKS modifications. They are often constructed by “modders” to display their skills and are occasionally created in what appears to be bizarre mating rituals.
Modification Name
Installation Requirements
Brief Description
Source
<REDACTED>
Can only be installed if a ship’s child lock is disabled.
Replaces all ships with a length/width-or-height ratio greater than 2 with a superimposed <REDACTED> on a ship’s viewport and overview.
Unknown, and may it remain that way.
<REDACTED.v2>
See <REDACTED>
Exhibits the same functionality as <REDACTED>, while additionally defiling Avatars.
Likely an individual destined for the deepest locations of damnation.
Malbolge
One’s SPORKS must be reformatted for an archaic storage method.
Randomizes everything. No two descriptions of Malbolge’s functionality are the same, but there are dark rumors of a cult that has successfully replicated the typical tri-color safety settings in Malbolge. God save us all.
A dimension beyond our own.
ANARKY
A hammer.
Disables the functionality of a SPORKS unit.
Society?
Heh
No sense of humor.
Arbitrarily highlights “funny numbers” in an overview.
The creator of this modification has wisely chosen to remain anonymous.
Read-It
No sense of joy, hope, love, or life.
Disables the ability to pilot a ship. Routes all available power to the communications network.
Also society?
UWU
Depravity.
Renders a user’s communications intelligible, in addition to spamming the nearest PARAGON agent with requests for “cat ears”…
A self-proclaimed hybrid abomination.
As mentioned earlier, the multitude of SPARKS modifications is unending. They range from purely aesthetic to war crime enabling. If you feel that the bounds of the default CONCORD-approved SPORKS settings are too constrictive, you can stop by your local repair shop and there will likely be someone to assist you.
For more… unconventional modifications, one will likely have to find a less reputable shop, unless of course one is in Minmatar space, where there are no shops of repute.
Sadly, we did not get a single submission for our killmail contest so the rewards for that contest will not be paid out. However, the top 3 submissions of the Unhelpful Center have been selected by the GM’s, your job is to choose the best submission listed in this post. The vote ends tomorrow at 13:00 EVE Time.
There is a link below with a straw poll and we will tally the votes tomorrow!
Please see the links below for the articles you are voting for!
I hope you had a great week and you are looking forward to the weekend. The results are in and we are here to update you on the poll results from the strawpoll.
The winners can pick a SKIN of their choosing following the parameters of the original post and then the character that submitted the Unhelpful Center article will send an in game mail to GM Banquet with their SKIN selection and where they would like them to be delivered.
Congratulations to the winners and thank you everybody for participating.
I hope you enjoyed GM Week, we had a blast and we’ll be looking forward to next year.
Sadly? Hang on a second, I think I know someone who might be able to help. Cynical people might interpret this as attributing blame. This event ran for days and not a single post to the community of “Hey people, do not forget the event, there is like 6 months of EVE time and some really cool paint explosion skins”.
This should be celebrated, there is now an event people participated in less than resource wars and blackout. Be proud.
In the old days this rule would have not even made you blink, but I hear squizz is taking payment from people so some losses are hidden, so if you run this event again consider the requirement to be the external esi killmail link instead.
https://zkillboard.com/kill/112643248/ Steamers do not show the REAL eve. We are the real EVE Killed him twice in as many hours. A donation would be appreciated
