“I… I care! Genuinely I do! I… Care DEEPLY about everyone around me! I want to help them! I want to make sure they’re happy and healthy! I will do anything to protect them! But… Why do I keep making the wrong ■■■■■■■ choice everytime when it comes to this!? I want to do it right! I swear! I want to help! Everytime I just make things ■■■■■■■ worse! Every-■■■■■■■-time! I don’t mean to… Really! I didn’t… I… I… I care… Believe me! Please…"
- Suha Raibuya
“I don’t know who the hell I am anymore!”
October 12th YC 123
6NJ8-V IV - The Rabbit’s Warren Fortizar, personal quarters of Mumo Lang
“Mumo?”
“Hey Suha…”
“… Have you just been laying on your couch this whole time?”
“Yeah…”
“… Well, why not your bed!?~”
“I don’t feel like walking all the way there…”
“Hmm… Do you have the energy to sit up and let me sit down with you?”
“…”
< Mumo sitting up straight >
< Suha sitting down beside her. >
“I saved your cheesecake slice for you!~”
“That’s nice…”
< Suha placing container on the coffee table >
“Unfortunately I didn’t think to save your food. I allowed the owner to sit down and eat it with me.”
“I lost my appetite anyway…”
“I’m… Sorry for bringing you along for that. If I knew you were struggling, I would have set aside something more private like this.”
“Are you assuming I’d be fine with what I witnessed if I wasn’t in the mental state I am in now?”
“… I guess not, no. It was dumb of me…”
“… This isn’t you Suha. I understand not paying him was partially my idea along with Utatis, but blowing up a whole ship with hands onboard? It’s… Needlessly ruthless of you.”
“I… I want to be respected.”
“Killing people just puts a larger target on our backs. Now we have to expect a retaliatory strike from him. We could’ve just let them go, forget about him. Now I worry we’ve dragged this out.”
'Whatever happens, we’ll handle it. We always do."
"If you say so… So where is your bodyguard? Blonde guy."
“Oh Thulun is outside waiting!~ I figured I’d owe you some proper privacy between the two of us.”
“What for?”
“Well… For you! You’re… You’re in a bad spot, I see it clearly now and I want to apologize for making you a witness to… that.”
" < Sigh > It’s more than that…"
“You mean your crash addiction.”
“Among other things, sure.”
'Would you like to talk about it?"
“What would that do…?”
"Well, like when you first opened up about your problems at lunch. You felt better afterwards, no?
“A little…”
“Well, maybe little by little, you’ll start feeling better If you open up more to me… When did this addiction start?”
“Sometime when I first came down here to work with you… The responsibilities I have now are nothing like what I was responsible for back in the Intaki Bank. I… Used crash to keep up, do more, crush numbers quicker… It helped - at first - but after awhile it became less about using it for work and more to pushback the shitty feeling I was going though if I ever put it off…”
“If you needed help with the job, we could had found others to deputize and cut down on the work load.”
“I wanted to do it myself… I wanted to prove I could do the job, show those pricks back in Syndicate space that I was worth far more than they thought I was…Now I’m just a failure, took shortcuts and now I’m suffering from it and don’t know if I’ll ever be normal again.”
“You will be, you’re strong like that.”
“Not strong enough to just say no when it was first offered to me…”
“Well by starting this path towards fighting the habit, you’re doing something that displays strength. You’re not just continuing on like its your life now… You’re doing something about it!”
“I almost fell back in… My drug Dealer. When I stopped contacting her she paid me a… Peculiar visit. She had feelings for me, I guess… She showed me a part of myself I never noticed… A realization that is causing me a bit of an identity crisis.”
“Which is?”
“… I… I like women, Suha.”
“…Oh.”
"I… I keep denying that statement. "
“Well, why is this realization troubling you?”
“Because I’m 28 and I thought I knew everything about myself already. Then my drug dealer comes by more interested in pleasure over business… Starts rubbing my shoulders, saying sweet things in my ear and… Things evolve from that and… I enjoyed it. And then she started coming around her every week, a brick of crash in hand and shows me new ways to make me feel… Good…I never thought I’d be into this kind of stuff… I never had sex up until that point. For years I never hooked up with men, just never seeing anything I liked or felt drawn to and… Never considered other women as a partner… Started thinking I had unrealistic standards, maybe I was stuck-up… Looking back on my life, it’s starting to make a lot of sense… I… I think I enjoy this, but I feel wrong about it…”
“Well I think it’s marvelous you discovered this part of yourself? But again, why not fully embrace this? Why the guilt about it.”
“… It’s my Dad. All my life he looked forward to me finding a man, giving him grandchildren… I love my Dad, he was practically my best friend…”
< Mumo sniffling >
“A-And I feel like I’m disappointing him!”
“Why?”
"He’s an old school patriot, Lai Dai accountant who shared all the same hardline beliefs the State would champion in his time. Told me I had a duty to continue our bloodline… To usher a new generation of Caldari…. < Sniffle > H-He was so patient with me too… He would introduce me to men he thought would be perfect but I’d turn everyone of them down, go on a date only to not feel anything and break it off… and my Dad? He… Would flip his tone and tell me how much that guy was a worthless shitheel and not worthy of me. He never got mad at me for being difficult…”
“It sounds like he loved you.”
“Would he love me now?! I ended up working for the Intaki bank, dropped out of that service and ended up in Guristas territory, starting blowing ■■■■ up my nose and now I realize I never liked men to begin with and wasted his ■■■■■■■ time? Would he love me or would i be too disgusting to look at?!”
< Mumo crying >
“Hey! Come on! It’s alright…”
< Suha placing her hand in Mumo’s lap >
“I don’t know who the hell I am anymore!”
“You’re Mumo Lang! A wonderful person, loyal and a great friend.”
< Suha rubbing her hand on Mumo’s thigh >
“I’m a ■■■■■■■ disgrace… Past few weeks have been nothing but pain and… And I thought of Just ending it all Suha!”
“No!”
< Suha leaning in >
“I won’t let you do that!”
“What do I have left!? I’ve disappointed everyone I know! I’ve made the shittest ■■■■■■■ choices!”
“You haven’t disappointed me Mumo! If you’re worried about your Father not loving you anymore for who you are and who you became… Then I’ll love you.”
“Suha, I-”
< Suha placing a finger over Mumo’s mouth >
“Shhhh… It’s gonna be alright…”
< Suha moving her hands up Mumo’s body >
“Suha, W-What are you doing?”
“Do you not like this?”
“I… I-It’s not that! Its just… Weird… Y-You’re my boss!”
“I’m your friend Mumo. A friend that loves you for who you are…”
“Suha, this is-”
< Suha moving her hands up to Mumo’s chest >
“I just want to show you how special you are to me…”
< Suha leaning in, trying to kiss Mumo >
“…NO!”
< Mumo shoving Suha off her >
“…!”
“…”
“…M-Mumo?”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“… You need to go.”
“Mumo, I-”
“JUST GO!.. Please…”
“…I… I understand…”
< Suha standing up >
“… L-Let me know if you need anything…”
“…”