"I want to be just like Fatal!"

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“Growing up I’ve always wanted to make something of myself, I’ve wanted to rise above and be something more than someone that digs dirt and shovel manure for the rest of their life. I looked up to someone like Fatal for inspiration for what I wanted to be, a leader of men, fearless, respected, and an individual in the truest sense of the word. This is the man I would use to set the standards I would push to meet… However, the moment I was denied my chance of becoming an actual member of the Guristas, plans fell rapidly downhill ever since…”

  • Suha Raibuya.

“I want to be just like Fatal!”


October 6th YC 122


N5Y-4N VII - Moon 20 - Guristas Logistic Support, Personal Quarters of Suha Raibuya


“… Suha? It’s me Mumo. Utatis wanted me to check up on you… I’m letting myself in!”

“…”

“Hello? Suha? Gods, why is it so dark in here…”

“…”

“Suuuha?”

“…Mumo?”

“Suha! Why do you have the lights off? Where are you?”

“… Just sitting on the couch over here.”

“C-Can you turn the lights on please? I don’t know your quarters well enough and I’d rather not bump into anything.”

“… < Two consecutive claps >”

“Thank y-… What the…?”

“…”

“Suha… W-What happened here? Why is your place trashed?! Was there a break-in or something?”

“… Mumo, am I a failure to you?”

“What?”

“Am I a failure to you?”

“Wha… No! I wouldn’t say you’re a failu- Suha. Is this all your doing? Did you… Did you trash your own apartment?”

“…”

“… Suha, what’s going on?”

"I… I… I messed up Mumo! I messed up again! I messed up real bad and I got people that supported me killed! I-I-I-"

“Okay, relax… Utatis told me what happened. You didn’t do anything Suha. Those Gurista acted on their own.”

“Because of me! I… I had an influence on them! That did something for me that went against orders passed down the Guristas chain of command. I undermined their authority! I-I have no control over this! What if someone else acts on my behalf again?! I-I-I-”

“Suha! Breathe!”

< Suha sharply Inhaling, then exhaling >

“… This is why we’re insisting you stay put for a while until things cool off. Everything is gonna be fine, trust me.”

“I can’t take much more of being crammed up in here… It’s getting to me! I feel like I’m trapped! A prisoner stuck in it’s own mind! I need to be out there… I WANT to be out there! I want to be talking and meeting people!”

"I understand! You’re a social butterfly Suha… No doubt about that. You ever think just maybe you do that a little too much?

“Huh?”

“I mean… You’re so caught up in getting everyone in the Guristas to like you, to accept you that maybe that I don’t think you realize that’s gonna hurt you in the end when people start seeing this as a threat to their influence. And this is on top of you being a spiritual guide for people. You’re doing everything you can to present yourself as a personality the Guristas can get behind and that’s what led to the problem you have now…”

“…”

“What is it all for Suha?”

“… Because I set an incredibly high standard for myself.”

“That standard being what exactly?”

“I want to be just like Fatal!”

“…”

“That is the only person I’ve had to look up to and aspire to be Mumo! I’ve wanted to be just like him growing up! He was my role model! My hero! The way he can inspire men is exactly what I want to do! Inspire others much like he inspired me! Yet as time goes on I realize that all I’ve amounted to is a cheap imitation of him… I’m not even a soldier! Or a proper member of the Guristas! All this I was denied because I was too weak! I can’t even be half the person he is… I’m just some druggy bitch who can’t do anything right! That has to lean on others for support! Not to mention that everytime I try to extend myself outside this region I just keep ■■■■■■■ up! ■■■■■■■ up! ■■■■■■■ up and ■■■■■■■ up!”

“Suha! Please… You yourself talk about how this is natural for humans to make mistakes and well… I speak as someone whose made mistakes in the past that costed me everything I had.”

“Like what?”

“I worked for the Intaki bank for years - This much you know already. I was a well respected accountant and financial advisor for multiple old families back in the Syndicate. I was living a good life, but I got over competent with myself and - long story short - ended up mishandling the accounts of some very influential people. I lost my job with the bank and was blacklisted - see, typically with the Intaki Bank on my resume, i could work at any bank in New Eden, any bank you can name I could walk into a get s job. When the Intaki Banks blacklists you? Nobody would dare hire you… Except for you of course. You gave me an opportunity to put what I spent my whole life doing to use again and give me a second chance working for a bank. It’s not The Intaki Bank by any measure, but I’m grateful for the position you gave me Suha.”

“…”

“… You don’t need nor should live your life trying to be someone else. You’ve done more than enough as you are than most people ever could and benefited just as many. I do agree that maybe you did set incredibly high standards for yourself to achieve, but it’s never too late nor is there any shame in rolling that back. As for leaning on others, Fatal was no stranger to that. He alone couldn’t have made the Guristas what it is today if the Rabbit wasn’t there. Fatal if anything would’ve just been another two-bit gang lord if the Rabbit wants there to make the army he assembled into a technologically advanced military…”

“…”

“… I don’t think you need to aspire to be anyone bigger than you Suha. You were inspired by someone, but you took that inspiration and made something of yourself. You started at the bottom and built upward, you should be proud of what you accomplished! You should be happy for yourself with what you are and have now and not worry about what you could have or been…”

“…”

“I never knew the man, but I’d say you at least share his ambition.”

“… Y-You think?”

“All I can do, like I said - never knew him personally. What I do know is that he had to have some degree of ambition to build an organization like this up. You managed to build up an organization within it, so that much says something…”

“I just don’t think it’s good enough…”

“I’m sure he had the same sentiment about the Guristas while he was still alive.”

“Maybe…”

“… You need a vacation!”

“A vacation…?”

“Yes… You never had one of those have you? Working with the Intaki Bank I’d get week long paid vacations every period or so… But you? Don’t think you ever had time off for yourself working fields or up here working on the infrastructure of this region. Give you a chance to get out of this apartment… What’s left of it anyway.”

“I don’t think I’m in any position to go off to some pleasure world and have fun! I’m… Punished.”

“Then how about just going back home?”

“… Home?”

“Yeah… Your colony in system. You’re just a shuttle ride away.”

“Home…”

“Yeah just… Spend a week or how long you want down there. Connect back with your roots and disconnect from everything up here. Me, Utaris and Avio can handle everything.”

“… Maybe I’ll do that. You think it will be fine?”

“I’m pretty confident it will be.”

“… Okay. Okay then! Yes… I’ll return home for a bit. See how everyone has been and remember where I started.”

“There you go! Works out, don’t it?”

“Thank you Mumo! I… I’m happy I have a friend like you.”

“Anytime… Should I arrange a shuttle?”

“Please!”

“… Should I also arrange for someone to clean up this place?”

“… Please.”

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