Not running for CSM

So first off, I’d campaign to make high-sec smaller. Why? Because it’s huge. Seriously. Go open you in-game map, color for sec status, and oh my god, there’s so much high-sec! What happens in all that space? I have no idea. It’s too bright there, I never go. It’s also terrifying.

Bringing me to point 2: make high-sec safer. Faster CONCORD response time and more consequences for suicide gankers. Or make it illegal to shoot war targets in high-sec. It’s like if the US is a war with some country and somebody inside the US starts shooting people from that country who live the US, they still get arrested, right? So do that. Solved.

So, safer high-sec but less of it. Then make all low-sec and NPC-null FW, and let players join lots of different, competing militias. Like Angel militia, or Thukker Tribe, or any of them. Call it “The Great Fracturing” or something and then, BAM!, wild pew-pew free for all! And add faction modules to pirate LP stores finally.

Everybody’s like “EVE is broken, what can we do?” I know what we can do. More Titans. Titans for everyone. Also, enough with the nerfs. Make all the ships OP instead!

Seriously though, Titans. What’s the big deal? All they do is sit tethered on the undock bridging F1 monkeys around SOV-null.

And give us a ship that can cloak, combat scan, tank, gank, tackle, and apply DPS. It should also have a massive cargo hold, a short align time, and cost next to nothing. And make it really big so other players can finally see all the expensive skins I keep buying.

By now you’re probably wondering, “what does this rare genius want to do about SOV-null?” The answer is: nothing. SOV null is perfect. I do miss the VNI bots though. And maybe give extra titans for the big alliances.

Wormholers? I think it’s way too easy for them to roll holes. What do? Reduce the mass of all ships. Now they can spend more time rolling holes, which I think everyone will agree is a win. Also, wormhole space is great and all, but it could really use more jump gates. Maybe put jump gates in wormholes.

And finally, the most important issue: new player retention. Again, the answer is simple: screw ‘em. New players are all like, “how do I set my PI?” or “Why is this game so complicated?” blah blah. Who needs ‘em? I think EVE should make a new ad campaign: “Don’t play EVE, it’s too hard for you.” And “Stay in the kiddy pool with your WOW pals.”

Walking in stations.

And that’s it. EVE fixed. Don’t vote for me though because I’m really only qualified to represent middle aged men.


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Good thing you’re not running for CSM because none of what you’ve said is anything CSM can directly influence or even do.

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Entertaining :grin:

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