I miss it sometimes, you know? The feeling of movement on the Thanatos’ flight decks as if it were pinpricks beneath my own skin. The heartbeat of the Megathron’s fusion reactor in my chest. Reaching out with fists made of coherent particles and thermonuclear ordnance. The thrill of watching other ships try to decloak me before I escaped the interdiction bubble. Sometimes I think: my licenses are all still valid. Sure I’m rusty as all hell and the weapons of war have changed, but I could still fly, couldn’t I?
But then I remember: being a capsuleer made me an awful person. I had billions of ISK, capital ships, a space station that could rip city-sized chunks off of moons, and none of it made me happy. The number in my wallet became a curse, because no matter how much it was it was never enough. I was less wiling to buy things that used to be expensive now that they were easy to afford, because the number would go down. I wanted to prove myself the best among my kind, but I was always too afraid to risk the investments I’d made because I hated the graft and the work I’d done to get there.
I’m happier now! I can accept that I’ll never be the one to change New Eden. I’m properly medicated, I get to do the things that matter to me and I’m no longer slave to a number that will never, ever be big enough to satisfy me. I’m actually starting to internalize and understand all the Intaki philosophy I pretended to adopt back when I just thought it would make me look smart, and I’m mature enough to admit that that’s what I was doing.
But there is some part of me that still enjoys watching nonsense happen on the IGS, and that dark little spark of mischief inside me knew that it just couldn’t afford to miss this. I just could not stop myself from watching all of the people who’ve made hating the Federation their whole identity dumpster themselves when the Federation finally took steps to remove Intaki - which joined the Federation of its own will and by its own consent - from a warzone created by the invasion of a hostile foreign power. Watching these people - any of them, regardless of allegiance - whine about the sovereignty and self-determination of my godsdamned homeworld was a joy I’m still not mature enough to deny myself.
So in the true fashion of Classic Andreus Ixiris, I’ve written a wall of text about it nobody will read. Time is a flat circle and we are trapped forever in a hell of our own making.
They added a permanent mute function since I last came here! Do you know how much more readable the IGS is when I can’t see posts from what’s-their-face and you-know-the-one?
And as for the Turnur incident, well… I do recall saying “we’ve worked out how to cannibalize stars and this will end poorly” last time I was here, but I didn’t expect to be proven right this fast, or this disastrously. I wish I’d been wrong, quite honestly. Also, how hideously typical of the Amarr to claim something is perfectly safe but test it in inhabited Minmatar space.
Even still, I found it darkly fascinating. They created a miniature Seylinn Incident, and there were probably particles present for a few microseconds that you wouldn’t find anywhere else in the universe. It rung spacetime like a godsdamned bell, so hard it cracked.
I remember a quote from somewhere: “Behold! The awesome fires of God. The limitless power of pure creation itself. Look carefully. Observe how it is used for the same purpose a man might use an especially sharp rock.”
