Psoleon the True Badbutt...because you can't say bada**

Fiction Portal Player Fiction
#1

So sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful ship…

No, it’s nothing as cool as Gilligan. Actually it’s lame as ■■■■. It’s a story of a guy that thought he was cool, but wasn’t. Seriously, even little kids bullied him, poor guy.

It’s a sad tale, but a true one:

There I was kids, in a Wormhole (don’t Google or ask your mom what that is, it’ll give you nightmares), minding my own bees wax, and then a true badbutt crossed my path.

Anyway, back to that wormhole. There I was, roaming and ■■■■, all on my lonesome. Come across a wormhole, seems innocent enough, so I enter. Apparently it’s a nullsec system. You know, the stuff that makes those high sec pirates ■■■■ their pants, because it’s a challenge.

Dammit, where was I?

Let me collect my thoughts…

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#2

Oh yeah, so there I was, minding my own business in nullsec. Checking the readings, everything seemed ok. You know, cause nullsec is where all the badbutts are. Can’t be complacent.

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#3

So all my frequencies are open, just chillin’. Checking what’s going on in system. The usual territorial stuff is going on, those guys versus those guys, nothing that concerns me.

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#4

But all of a sudden my comms are freaking out on me. After I put direct pressure on my ear drums to stop the bleeding, I see what it is. It’s a true nullsec badbutt calling me out. I’m not really sure how to reply, because I have to quit laughing first.

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#5

Psoleon: “Hey you wormhole cloaky guy, you aren’t welcome here and stuff”

Me: “Why? You afraid of little ol’ me?”

Psoleon: “Heck yes, you’re killing my income…err…NO!..KILL COMMS!”

Me: “You still there snowflake?”

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#6

Me: “Comms are still open, can you identify yourself?”

Psoleon: “I represent folks…that are…uh…”

Me: waits

Psoleon: “Um…gimme a minute…”

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#7

Name’s the game, ey? :blush:

Go on!

#8

I actually like what this guy is doing, but still can’t help but imagine an exchange where I ask Solesist if she’s ‘Effin Crazy’ and she replies ‘No. Effin Crazy is the OP.’

It’s a terrible pun, of course, but I love those and this one gives me too many giggles to leave it unsaid. Forgive me.

#9

Psoleon: “Well, you aren’t supposed to be here, you need to leave”.

Me: I revert to my 5 year old self and say “Make me”.

Psoleon: sounds of someone coming unhinged ensue

#10

Psoleon: I’M IMPORTANT!..YOU SHOULD LEAVE!..IF YOU DON’T I’LL CALL YOU NAMES!

Me: Like what?

Psoleon: I don’t know, but they’ll be bad!

#11

Psoleon: And you better fear and respect me, because I’m dangerous! Just ask me!

Me: You ok man? You sound like you could use a hug.

#12

Psoleon: That’s actually not the first time I’ve heard that…but that’s beside the point!

Me: Wondering if this guy is for real

#13

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