The Best Hairdresser In Dam-Torsad Is Not A Terrorist

Encourage all your Gallente chums eligible to vote to vote for Gosakumori Noh in the next Federation election. She shall decant the sewage of the Deep Bureaucracy’s conspiratorial cuttlefish from the porous marshland that is the Federation.

And if she isn’t elected, we shall know just how far Rodan’s tentacles actually reach!


Oh for Maker’s sake!! I will neither confirm or deny that.

Buttocks?.. Isn’t it the most disgusting part of human body to stare at? Besides the capsuleer jacks, of course.

Ancestors choke! Are you trying to make me feel how hard my glutens are? I don’t think it’s a relevant body part for a Proper Soldier Training. I have way better muscles than that!

More like from the humiliation of gallentean influence.

1 Like

Sure is a lot of memetic mayhem going on in here.

@Gosakumori_Noh, if elected, do you promise to end the unjust persecution of the Amarrian Orthodox Church, Sedevacantist? If so, I promise to deliver all the sedevacantist votes in the Federation (concentrated in Jin-Mei space) for you.

1 Like

Valerie darling! You remember those incandescent shades of gesticulating pink Diana sweetie turned as you explained to her the artistry of bronze breast buoyancy, yes?

Heavens and layers of the Abyss, darling, no! No, no, no! A fine buttocks is the engine of the bipedal form! Those magnificent muscles are the wings of martial artistry, the source of speed, the pulsing globes of primate power!

Don’t just feel your glutes, sweetie, reach down there and squeeze them! Exult in their strength! Flex that little diamond of a behind! Now, relax it. Cup it in the palms of your hand. Stroke it gently. SQUEEZE! FLEX! Relax. Stroke. SQUEEZE! FLEX!

Without letting go, slide your right foot forward. Experience the motion. Slide your left foot forward. Experience the source of motion. LEAP! You are a natural, darling! Leap!

The next time you march your crew up and down and up and down and up and down the fighter deck, have them leap in flawless synchronization!

@Nauplius Of course, darling! Religious liberty is a fundamental principle of liberal democracy. Diversity is the defining characteristic of Federal pluralism. So is the right to bear an auto-cannon, for that matter, and forming alliances with religious denominations is a sacred tradition of political discourse.

Criminalizing spiritual belief is an attack on not only the constitution, but the concept of constitutional government. It offends the very soul of ordered liberty. Now, “when in Luminaire etc etc,” darling. It will be necessary to comply with applicable regulations regarding crowd sizes, building safety codes, maternity and paternity leave, safe words for dominatrix play, you know, all that…

Jin-Mei space you say?

That’s very interesting, darling. Very interesting!

As I note somewhere above, it is my considered archaeological opinion that Amarr’s first space-faring vampire cult passed through Jin-Mei space on its way to Algintal and Ani, forming the Triple A Triangle Of Ancient (that letter A again) Menace.

I believe Jin-Mei space is also the location of Quafe headquarters… oh, no! As an international gargantuan mega corporation in the refreshment business, Quafe is a natural distributor for Roden’s diabolical Miroitem manufactured blueberry swirl mind control elixir! The Jin-Mei are in terrible danger! Speaking of buttocks, there are no buttocks in all known space finer than those of the Jin-Mei synchronized boy girl idol groups. They must be preserved!


Talking of buttocks, breast buoyancy and Sedevacantists, have you seen the wonderful film The Scent of Faith yet, lovely? It’s truly incredible!

Even Rodan couldn’t stop Amirah Damali from holding your gaze whenever she was on screen. You may want to contact her to see if she would like to star in a campaign advert of yours!


Oh, my goodness, darling, no! I had no knowledge of that film. Just reading the synopsis made me reach for my Quafe boysenberry caramel apple popcorn soft serve swirl… you don’t think there’s any blueberry mind control elixir in the boysenberry, do you?

Now, I prefer tiny hard buttocks to wide fertile ones, but as a nun, I don’t judge and there is a magnificent quantum synchronicity happening here. Vampire cults, Jin-Mei boy girl bands, vampire demons joining obscure religious sects. Marvelous!

I am confident it will be possible to ensure belief in the sacred tenants of Sedevac… Sed… Sedva… that “empty throne” stuff remains legal. Even the most Deep Bureaucratic of corrupt judges would be hard pressed to find precedent supporting the criminalization of belief in, like, all the recorded history of liberal democratic jurisprudence. According to my naturalization test prep course, freedom of assembly is also strongly protected, though that one does have carve outs, and… I’m not so sure about using tactical nuclear weapons as religious iconography.

It may be that the way to go for my Jin-Mei Sede… vacan… tist constituents is to rebrand as a film studio instead of a religion. Jin-Mei martial arts fantasy flicks start over the top and go from there; and my goodness, Gallente revere incomprehensible cinemateques the way Amarrians worship Jovian space angels and Caldari worship the sound of a thousand factory boots marching to the urinal troughs in unison.


Two points.

  1. It was Synthia who made the statue of Silas Vitalia, not me. Replicas are available from the Kaztropol Statue Forge. If you bring your own bronze ingots you get a discount.

  2. I saw an artwork the other day that might be relevant to your interests. But it is too risque for the IGS.

1 Like

Synthia! Oh, good heavens, how ghastly of me! I had this gnawing feeling I missed an important detail of Diana sweetie’s dazed interaction with buoyant bronze breasts. After a few centuries, there is just so much already banging around inside fermenting neurons that connections responsible for keeping everything straight get bent.

Tangentially, there is also a fine bronze buttocks on Silas’s statue (which the record should now correctly reflect was presented at Silas’s Murder Party by Synthia of Kaztropol)!

If you require an evaluation if it shall be censored or not, I can provide it if you are able to supply the samples discreetly and in a private manner. I guarantee my estimations to be correct within withheld error margin and that they will minimize all the associated risks.


I just cannot… The tears… The tears! Every time I read Diana sweetie’s selfless offer to expose herself to the risk of irreparable psychological harm and deep emotional trauma, tears well up in my virtual eyeball interfaces and prevent me from concentrating on anything but the bonds of true friendship. The beautiful, beautiful bonds of true friendship. Sniff… honk!

These moments remind us what it means to be fusions of soggy carbon and exotic metal silicate alloys.

As Madame Le Presidente of the Federation, I shall secure the inalienable rights of federal citizens to believe what their sincerely held religious convictions tell them is true, the right to bear auto cannons in defense of freedom, and the right of friends, true friends, to play online guessing games of “Breasts Or Buttocks?” in the privacy of their own virtual residence projections.

Together, we shall build a great wall to a greater future.

1 Like

I presume you will be using your platform as the subject of many holomemes on GalNet to encourage Federation citizens to vote for Gosakumori now, Diana, lovely?

1 Like

The Original statue of Silas Vitalia, was a multi-piece Statue composed of several different Metals, to achieve Colour effects. The main body was Gold, with Lady Vitalia’s hair sculpted in Silver. The sword wielded by the Statue was made from mirror-polished Stainless Steel, while the statue’s Shoes were sculpted from Black Bronze.
The accompanying Bhaalgorn figure was pure Copper with silver Horns and Teeth and sapphire Eyes.

The Replicas available from the Statue Forge are all-Bronze in composition, making them Suitable for both Indoor and Outdoor display. The Original is not entirely Suitable for outdoor Display, on account of using different Metals, which could be Vulnerable to Electrolytic Corrosion, if exposed to Rainwater.

1 Like

Where can I get one of these?

True warriors charge into battle with mirrored swords that slice muons, black bronze boots, and absolutely nothing else. Silas remains an inspiration for young women with grand aspirations, everywhere. At my age and ability, the best I can do is mirrored sunglasses and a black qipao with sapphire lily brooch.

I absolutely positively adore black qipaos with sapphire lily brooches.

Fate has brought me and the Jin-Mei together.

Fate has done less well connecting my people with Amirah Damali’s people, but I’ve contracted top public relations firm Chiat Jour Jeune and Derliesundfibben to manage my campaign publicity. They agree broad hips have wide appeal among our target wedge demographic.

Regarding replica Silas bronzes, it is my understanding Synthia has a catalog.

Regarding Valerie’s taste in !ART!, we are of one mind. If you ever get tired of Delve, darling, do consider taking up a nice flat in Sinq Liaisons Pax Dangereux. You’ve put in your dues, really now, and life as a goddess of the Candy Sabik would suit you to a tight latex-and-sequin halter.

I do fear Diana sweetie may never look at drones quite the same way again, however…


You say the sweetest things, darling. But strictly speaking, although I am certainly magical, I’ve been an old woman for as long as I can remember. Now obviously, there was something before, so I cannot rule out the possibility I was once an old man. Perhaps I’ve swapped back and forth over the centuries to avoid creditors and confound detractors.

Yes, that is something I would do.

After all, my new Matari recruit treasure hunter Roden spy, formerly involved with Gabriel’s Tetra Grama Metatron Salon in some capacity, switched to avoid the Ministry of Eternal Nosing About. If a half Brutor half Thukker teenager can think of it, I dare say a half Udorian half Amarrian cyberneticist mummy could have thought of it, too!

1 Like

I feel an obligation to give the studio audience closure on whether or not Space Force Marshall Diana darling ultimately judged Valerie’s image suitable for publication. I received the final judgement only moments ago. Though I found the image positively divine, it has been categorized “inappropriate.”

Based on capitalization and punctuation, I fear the decision-making process may have produced collateral damage in nearby plant and staff.

1 Like

Was Di-Di’s declaration of “inappropriateness” accompanied by a request for more images to assess, perchance?

What a capital suggestion, darling! Think about how much safer the Cluster would be if Diana sweetie reviewed Valerie’s entire priceless art collection.

Oh my goodness, we could turn it into a campaign event! That would dovetail nicely with my new campaign video. I can’t thank you enough for bringing Amirah Damali to my attention. What a knockout! I still have bruises.

Now I’m thinking… an exhibit in the Rouevre Pyramid Pavilion.

It would be a series of white rectangles covered by the words “ABSOLUTELY” and “PROHIBITED” in Sani Sabi Wabi red ink painted by humorless Achuran calligraphers. Come to think of it, I’ve never met a humorous Achuran calligrapher.

Let’s see…

“Patron of !ARTS! and Federation Presidential Candidate Gosakumori Noh presents a neo-modern post reductionist exhibition which reifies the juxtaposition of bio mechanical bondage fantasy and militarized chastity worship in failing police states.” Wine and cheese served by J-MWave boy/girl pop tarts in translucent latex gloss hot pants.

You can’t get more Gallente than that even if you’re a Rouvenor.

I can count the votes already!


Okay, okay. I was getting the mo spruced up in my hawk when I overheard this from a totally reliable source, but apparently Heth never died. He was transmogrified by alien technology and given the exact same form as Roden, right down to his quantum level. Apparently this alien force silently removed Roden from power (hence his loss in the last elections, as a ploy to distract people from him) and replaced him with Heth-Roden who will be running in the next election as Roden.

But the election is rigged, and “Roden” will win it.