The Noh Federation Presidential Platform

All well and good, darling. A settlement requires both sides, and if I am going to grant the Intaki the right to self-determination, then I’m obviously not going to try and impose a settlement on a war zone. Systems which want to participate in the Capsule Marques program may do so, and those which do not may remain classical capsuleer battlefields.

Because it really doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of capsuleers. As long as they exist, then unless the State is willing to invest in elevating the security status of all systems that “belong” to it, capsuleers are going to decide whether or not to keep fighting.

Recognizing that, I intend to create circumstances in which at least some of them are empowered to take greater ownership of the nation-building process - including capsuleers who are not by nature well-disposed to the Federation. I don’t require all-or-nothing solutions, because they have a way of not existing.

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Greetings, Ms. Noh!

I would like to inquire you about the status of Caldari Prime, which is a Homeworld of our People, which is still trapped in the Federal space, being still illegally occupied with lesser half of the planet is still under hostile gallentean control.

Would you agree that the deoccupation of the Homeworld from the invaders and other foreigners shall be a priority in order to make any sort of negotiations with the State?

For many years Gallente and Caldari were living together in the same system in peace, sharing it as a system witht two homeworlds, however, for over two hundred years gallentean invaders have declared Luminaire as their own, ignoring that it’s our system as well as theirs.

Will you agree that in order to restore peaceful relations between Gallente and State people and to compensate for gallentean treachery the whole Luminaire should be immediately transferred into Caldari State souvereigny and stay as is for the same amount of time it was under gallentean occupation, just to become shared system right after that period of time for peaceful coexistence?

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I admire Diana’ willingness to go above and beyond her station in her willingness to serve.
It save’s Proposed Candidate Noh the necessity of reminding her of her place.
That is unless The State Administration is proven incapable of managing her.

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There are little squidoos on Kaztropol that are extremely cunning. The Marine Biology institute was studying them because they seemed smart enough to have their own language and were able to understand human language. Or so it seemed. Later a review suggested the squidoos were just telling the researchers what they wanted to hear, and were smart enough and cunning enough to read human body language in order to do this. So whether they are intelligent remains an open question.


Diana darling, seriously now, you are such an unimaginably delightful handful. I can only marvel at what you must have been like in elementary homeroom (other than positively adorable of course).

Let’s see, where to begin…

I can start with Caldari Prime itself! It is a planet with which I am familiar.

I have maintained a research facility on that world since before the Impact, presently producing (or not presently, presently - it is button-poking day) biofuels and bacteria.

While certain self-absorbed pod jockeys were satisfying dysfunctional needs twirling around in the upper atmosphere, I was down in the frozen mud planting mushrooms. Great Frozen Tekkojaarvu is no longer quite so frozen, given the number of giant fungi that have sucked radioactive waste through their hydra…thingies into inner vestibule…icle…thingies. A semi-frozen fairy wonderland of glowing stalks, pristine white vistas, and large circles of open, black-blue water, in places, the lake reaches positively astounding depths of 1,327 meters. That testifies to the power of ice back before the original settlers began transforming the planet from a frozen world into something almost temperate.

I must say, a semi-frozen giant lake makes an even better base than a frozen one, as the submerged layers of the command center are able to function as a gigantic aquarium. I often just sit on the benches and watch the lake grasses waving in the direction of the radioactive bacteria cold storage facility. It is soothing.

However, it remains the case a hollow tube nearly twenty kilometers long, full of giant missile parts and even larger power plants, all of them on fire, traveled thousands of kilometers through the upper atmosphere as it completed its final, incomplete orbit. To call a power plant twenty kilometers long traveling through 500 kmph winds while on fire “catastrophic” would be understatement. If not for the intervention of well-meaning individuals all around the planet, the biosphere would have completely collapsed.

Instead of a temperate ice world, Caldari Prime would be a lifeless barren sludge pile, and the situation remains dicey. The last thing I want to do is dig new trenches in settled radioactive sediment layers.

That is not to say that the thorny issue of Caldari Prime will remain unaddressed.

Luminaire will be the first system incorporated into the ASDDSD. As such, it will be a truly International System, wherein standing requirements will be waived. That might seem unhelpful, given the ASDDSD would ordinarily prevent access to the system through the star gate network.

However, recall that due to the module and drone limitations of the ASDDSD, capital and super-capital vessels will have the ability to fly inside the zone, as well as to use their jump capabilities to come and go. Further recall that cyno services will be provided by system harbormasters. Ordinarily, this will be costly, but in the International System those fees will be greatly reduced.

We will bridge the gap between New and Old Caldari Prime. If the jump math makes it necessary, intermediary systems will be opened in the ASDDSD to make this possible. At first, the capsuleer population would likely be limited to jump freighters and black ops battleships in this regard, but official State actors would be able to make the journey in other craft. Obviously, it will be necessary to proceed carefully so as to avoid an international incident involving the humorless ASDACTADSWATOLSS.

I have expanded on the description of how my Capsule Marques will restructure the overall State/Federation conflict. Through operation of this program, at some point in the future, distant as it may be, the Cluster might finally draw a line under this conflict. Although it will doubtless move on to some new conflict, both the Gallente and the Caldari will we be able to meet that challenge together - the tragedies of their past experiences at last behind them.

Well, it’s good that you want to make the system international as it was supposed to be before it was illegally conquered by Federation.

But do you agree that before it the State shall hold souvereignty over Luminaire for next approximately 200 years?

You are a mighty warrior, Diana darling. Because you are a mighty warrior, I am confident you recognize, deep down, that battles have consequences. For whatever reason, the Battle of Luminaire failed to go the State’s way. It only prolongs the pain to look backwards on that fact. My objective is to start moving the Cluster beyond the concept of Sovereignty Itself by transforming Luminaire into a system welcoming to and enjoyed by all. TLDR: no.

Then it’s a WAR.
If you don’t want to restore justice by peacefull means, we’ll have another battle for Luminaire!

Glory to the State!

As mentioned, I will always know where you stand Diana darling.

I’m wondering if I missed something during my last coma, though. Regarding this bold proposition of transferring sovereignty over Luminaire to the State for 200 years, is that something that has been kicked around previously?

Not a lot, but we really shall push for it.

You know, for the sake of Greater Justice.

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I confess you caught me off guard, darling. But it is important for a politician to be caught off guard now and then. It just makes you more lovable.

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Human, not cuttlefish, civilisation must dominate the galaxy.

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The problem, darling, is that the cephalopods are (as you mention) despicably clever. There is also the flawless camouflage. They look like ordinary munitions tycoons and warship construction magnates, but they are instead a ruthless alien menace, intent upon concentrating the benefits of all human endeavor into their own slimy tentacles.

No, the Low Security systems in Black Rise and the Citadel that fall in the conflict zone are colonies of the Megacorporations, and consequentially, whether those systems participate in such a scheme would be the decision of the Megacorporate CEOs in the event that each Megacorporation decides individually, or alternatively the decision would lie with the CEP if they were to take a collective decision.

If they want to build nations they can do it outside of ours.


Any entity within the State, up to and including the State itself, is of course free to make its own decision on participation in the Capsule Marques Program. I hadn’t considered the possibility individual mega corporations would be free to make their own choice. That is encouraging. Within any group, there will be a distribution of opinion.

Even if the only systems participating end up being those that fall within the Federation’s sphere of influence, however, administration of the region will still be left to a joint venture. This is to underscore the fact that the Capsule Marques Program is not intended as an “anti-Caldari” action.

For you see…

Both in the case of Intaki self-determination and the Capsule Marques Program, I am willing to redefine the federal definition of “ours.” Only if we are willing to let people go does it become possible for them to willingly to stand with us against the grave threats confronting our Cluster.

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Wait? Does that mean, that I could very well be a cuttlefish sleeper agent, and not even know it?

Are there tests for this?

And what would happen to me if it turns out that I am a cuttlefish sleeper agent?

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The leaders of this threat know who they are, but any of us could be their minions.

Until such time as they flip the switch, replacing our psyches with amalgamated monstrosities (an outcome similar to the tragic fate of those DUST soldiers several years ago, now that I think of it), we must stand firm in our commitment to cut the tentacles that have permeated our civilizations.

Well, it’s just here in the State we don’t have nobilitiy like in Amarr Empire who can talk for whole systems, and same system in the State can have often conflicting jurisdictions and opinions on how it should be ruled. Each of Megas speak for their people in their colonies, but nobody speaks for the system as a whole.

Probably the closest to system-wide authority you could get in the warzone systems in Placid , Essence and Verge Vendor for which Megas have won development rights in the Blind Auction. In that case Mega could speak for a whole system, like, for example, Ishukone for Intaki.

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I get the distinct feeling that either Diana is a sleeper cephalopod… A sleeptopus perhaps? Maybe a crouching squid, hidden cuttlefish?..

Well, regardless of nomenclature, either Diana or I is a agenticle and I don’t believe it’s me. But I guess that’s what a spysquid would say…

I think I need a lie down, lovelies!

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The possibility any one of us (or Great SOCT, all of us!) are just waiting for a subspace signal to activate invisible alien wetware that transforms us into superhuman mind thralls is definitely grounds for a lie down, darling! Whew! So is that sentence.

Diana sweetie is so focused, however, I suspect even the phantom tentacle menace would either be incapable of transforming her into a superhuman mind thrall; or, would be too afraid of potential adverse consequences to flip the “go” switch.