Public Apologies to NOH Megacorporation

Fiction Portal Intergalactic Summit
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I would like to officially apologize to the Nugoeihuvi Corporation, a member of our Honorable PKN Interstellar group, that represents core Caldari values , for performing an indirect attack on their business.

I have said that “playing any sort of toys or games is unprofessional conduct and shall never be performed”, even called it an “unmerited activity”, and I would like to retract this statement and apologize.

While I had the best interest of the State on my mind by considering how one could best conserve time to allocate towards the protection of the State from foreign aggressors, I didn’t realize that my words also went against our State’s entertainment sectors.

I was led to this misunderstanding by the rather toxic comments of infamous traitorous capsuleer ‘Yakiya Verin “Stitcher” Hakatain’ , and have reacted too hastily, not realizing that it could have been his plan to vent out his anger against our State.

I understand that my statement could have caused material losses to our honorable megacorporations and, in order to compensate for any damage done, I offer to participate in product advertisement and testing free of charge, should they reach out to me for it.

With apologies,
D. Kim, Strike Cmdr.

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That’s very generous of you Diana sweetie. There must be a railgun tag product line that could use such a distinguished spokeshero.

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You are sentenced to the forced viewing of 100 hours of viewing tedious and boring Kaalakiota period dramas involving Raata orchestral musicians of the classical period for your crimes against the Caldari gaming industry. May NOH have mercy on your soul.

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Why would NOH promote an Echelon Entertainment production?

Also, those productions are hardly “boring” or “tedious”.

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They are quite informative, and entertaining. Given if one actually finds educating themselves a fun and worthwhile endeavor.

Which I’m finding in the Federation is not a value. There, entertainment can only be entertainment if means mindlessly staring at a holoscreen as pointless sitcoms and ridiculous drama-strewn “reality” shows are occupying the viewers attention.

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My Jin-Mei empty throne cultist constituents have turned me on to historical fantasy martial arts superhero flicks big time. And a certain Ni-Kunni actress does have hips to literally die for.

With regard to holo reality and Diana sweetie’s original proposal, however, and speaking on behalf of NOH (which I consider my birthright), I’m envisioning something like the following:

We take a hundred condemned criminal contestants.

We equip each of them with standard issue military boots, leather teddies, and a DK Approved™ Personal Hand Rail Cannon.

We start them off at random spawn locations inside a ruined Elemental Base facility:

Elemental Base
Elemental Base1920×1137 155 KB

We toss a few hundred Nation zombies.

And a few hundred Blood Raider cultists.

We sprinkle Gurista crates around. When opened, they reveal Random Loot (or sometimes an exploding rabbit drone).

We add a few Angel Serpent Rest and Recuperation zones staffed by exotic massage professionals.

We allow audience members to purchase special considerations for their favorite contestants.

We reward the survivor with freedom, mad bling, and maybe the impression from one of Diana sweetie’s heels on their posterior.

Now, I’ve heard rumors about this sort of thing being in development for years. Years, darlings. It is difficult to understand what the hold up is, but not to worry.

President Noh, in partnership with NOH, shall make it Reality™.

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We want NOH part in your shenanigans, Lady Noh.

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