This is purely for fun and with love for every capsuleer archetype:
Mining is ADD: stare at rocks, tab out, forget you’re playing, tab back in just in time to move the lasers, repeat for six hours while your brain dissolves into veldspar.
Ice mining is chronic insomnia: nothing happens, nothing ever happens, yet you’re awake at 3 AM because “the cycle ends in two minutes.”
High-sec mission running is mild depression: safe, predictable, pays the bills, but deep down you know this wasn’t the dream.
Low-sec mission running is anxiety disorder: every gate sound spikes your heart rate and Local is basically a panic attack in text form.
Null-sec ratting is learned helplessness: you’re rich, protected, and bored, but completely dependent on pings, umbrellas, and someone else telling you when you’re allowed to exist.
Exploration is ADHD with paranoia: intense hyperfocus for 30 seconds, then constant d-scan spam because someone is always about to decloak.
Wormhole living is full-blown paranoia disorder: you don’t trust space, you don’t trust mass, you don’t trust your scanner, and you definitely don’t trust silence.
Market trading is obsessive-compulsive disorder: updating orders by 0.01 ISK every five minutes while convincing yourself this is “gameplay.”
Station trading is agoraphobia: you never undock, space is scary, spreadsheets are safe.
Industry is control disorder: every input must be optimized, every timer aligned, every reaction perfectly chained or the universe is wrong.
Planetary Interaction is neglect syndrome: you set it up once, forget it exists, then suddenly remember three months later and feel guilty.
Freighter piloting is dissociation: you are technically playing EVE, but your soul has left your body somewhere between Jita and Amarr.
Jump freighter pilots have chronic stress disorder: timers, cynos, fatigue, scouts, and one mistake equals instant financial ruin.
High-sec ganking is antisocial personality disorder: rules exist, you just interpret them very creatively and sleep perfectly fine afterward.
Suicide ganking is impulse control disorder: “I can totally get one more Catalyst in before CONCORD.”
Low-sec piracy is oppositional defiant disorder: CONCORD said no, so obviously yes.
Null-sec fleet line member is conformity syndrome: anchor, press F1, don’t ask questions, receive dopamine when the FC says “good job.”
Fleet commander is burnout plus god complex: 200 people hate you, 5 worship you, and all of them blame you.
Small-gang PvP is thrill-seeking behavior: constant risk, constant adrenaline, zero long-term planning.
Solo PvP is masochism: you know how this ends, yet you undock anyway.
Faction Warfare is bipolar disorder: one day you’re rich and winning, the next day everything you own is on fire.
Incursion running is functional addiction: repetitive, efficient, socially acceptable, and impossible to quit once you see the ticks.
Abyssal running is gambling disorder: “one more filament” even though your hands are shaking and the timer says no.
Alliance leadership is chronic stress-induced delusion: believing you can keep thousands of EVE players organized.
Espionage is trust issues as a career: you don’t play EVE, you play people.
Scamming is narcissistic personality disorder: rules-lawyering as performance art.
Roleplay is dissociative identity disorder: you are not a capsuleer, you are Lord Commander Something of Something and this matters deeply.
New players are pure anxiety mixed with wonder: everything is dangerous, everything is amazing, and Local is terrifying.
Veterans are existential nihilism: you’ve seen everything, lost everything, rebuilt everything, and still logged in today.
And logi pilots…
Logistics is savior complex: nobody notices you until you stop, then suddenly you’re the most important person in the universe.
Very welcome 
My therapist dreads our appointments:crossed_fingers:
