Hey, good questions!
You know, even though I’ve killed 22k ships, I’ve also been blobbed and died 747 times. That’s just how eve is though, sometimes you have more, sometimes the other side has more.
Usually how an alliance standing fleet works is that there is no coordination, its messy, random, and it’s a very casual form of pvp. I can’t really control who shows up in what - nor do I want to, as I don’t pay for their subs and shouldn’t dictate how they play. Also bear in mind sometimes there are newbros on the killmail experiencing pvp for the first time!
I will say I try to discourage hot dropping as much as I can on smaller targets in our alliance space (I think I’m the character that has probably been hot dropped the most in this game ahah - just check with FRT).
Earlier this week I went on a solo roam, and yes I was heavily outnumbered (more not on the BR) - but I also actively down shipped (with the majority of the kills in a plain T2 drekavac).
You don’t have to fly bling when you’re solo roaming especially when the chances of dying is high against many. The only time I fly super bling is when we take out organized fleets to hostile stagings, because those fights are for all the marbles 
If you’re solo roaming, fly smart, position well, and don’t worry about losing your ship as long as you learn from your mistakes.
The guys who died to me on the roam? They said it was a good fight, it was fun, and we swapped tips fittings and tactics - and you know what? They’re ready to go again. That’s the spirit of Eve. It’s all for the fights 
Again I’m sorry I killed your ship
, I know that can be frustrating at times when you’re in the bigger , more expensive ship and you feel like “I should win this fight” - but sometimes losing a ship can be a great learning experience.
If you need any help with tips or fittings, feel free to drop by my corp discord, Aurora. Everyone there is super helpful to newbros, and they are some of the best small gang pilots in the game so you can ask about best practices for any ship type. Take care!