I’ve started running burner missions around a week ago, and I must say, it’s one of the best pieces of PVE in the game. Even with the missions “solved” years ago, they still provided me with great lessons applicable in PVP, specifically overheat and module management, and how to go afk while orbiting AB brawlers at 20k. Inspired, I decided to look at the killboard of the burner mission capital of New Eden, Lanngisi, for tips on how to best fit my ships. There is always room for improvement after all, and I wanted to see what the pros were doing. That 200m/hr isn’t going to make itself, after all.
What I found there both shocked and disgusted me. The only PVP there for weeks had been one guy wardeccing and killing missioning battleships! Nowhere could I learn how to optimize my mission running. Thus, I decided to grab my corpmates and friends to figure out how this mythical figure of 200m/hr was made. I had heard it involved Ascendancy implants, blueprints of which I sometimes came across in J-space, and really expensive frigates , but we needed more concrete information in the form of fits. Sacrifice was needed, and I began to aggressively question the locals.
It went well. They were even considerate enough to drop the much needed faction modules I needed to successfully these missions. Now all I had to do was farm enough PI in HS to finally make myself a full set of warp speed implants. It was going to take a while.
However, after a great day of friendly banter with the CODE members ganking freighters next door, I have found that the previously relaxed locals had become resistant to traditional interrogation. They began doing such things as having travel fits and fitting ADCUs on their 300m Harpies.
Unable to continue my information gathering, I have now come before the great scholars of EVE online forums to seek assistance in growing as a PVE player (and Protestant Christian. Please direct me towards a good, preferably Southern Baptist corp in EVE. I tried with Broski, but they force fed me Jesus biscuits and called me a ‘Luther cuck’, whatever that means.). What methods do you guys have for enhanced interrogation of the burner missioner? Anyone willing to help me in my quest to restore balance to Thukker LP values and seek justice for countless slaughtered commandos? I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions.
Attached are files containing information disclosed from my interrogations. Turns out Harpies are actually better at running the Serpentis Agents than Hawks! Who could have known?
In all seriousness though, I could really use a hand here. While I can make a small personal difference, it’s going to take a lot of people coming together to help solve this problem. This is my thesis statement.