Recruitment is open! Visit our Discord, which has a bot the sole purpose of which is serving up dog and cat pictures! It was totally worth the investment!
Recruitment is open! Did you, as I did, make a bunch of promises to yourself a couple days ago about “no more posting to social media about how waking up naked in some backwater Gallente hydroponics pool is #blessed” and “cut back on the expenditures for Matari ‘exotic performers’” and “learn how2gitgud”? Well, we’ll help you reach at least one of those goals! I can’t promise about those other two, because I’m taking a cheat day! It’s called self-care!
Recruitment is open! Don’t miss our weekly fanfic/pastry competition! You’ll be amazed to learn which of your “faves” that you “stan” and/or “ship” are actually, as the kids say, “problematic”!
Recruitment is open! Today I learned that the package of people treats (cookies!) sounds exactly like the package of dog treats, and that I am a horrible monster who has committed a heartless act of betrayal. I must atone, in the form of shooting reds right in their stupid face, with missiles. Help me to get right with the dog!
Recruitment is open! Don’t forget to get regular exercise! Healthy habits, healthy you!
Recruitment is open! We have a special section of our corp Discord just for talking about celebrity fashion crimes!
Recruitment is open! Did you ever want to use your missiles just to “flex on” (as the kids say) Those Reds? Ask us to show you how!
Recruitment is open! In these uncertain times, when news of a celebrity breakup has you doubting the future, don’t despair! We’re here to show you the way!
Recruitment is open! If you’re worried that your coping mechanisms have you looking “a hot mess,” don’t fret! We understand what you’re going through and have plenty of cute pictures of dogs and cats to help you in this difficult time!
Recruitment is open! Help us make EVE a better place, with more good fights and more pictures of dogs!
Recruitment is open! Unlike those other EVE corps, we’re more than just a mommy/fitness blog! We also have baked goods and pictures of dogs!
Recruitment is open! Don’t forget the poetry slam! First Tuesday of every month, in that skeezy dive bar down on the lower level!
Recruitment is open! While those other corps were wasting their time on the latest social-media “discourse” or whatever, we realized years ago that their “faves” are “problematic,” and we’ve improved our lives be discovering the calming effect of shooting those losers in the face, with missiles! You, too, can unburden yourself and discover your best life! Ask us how!
Recruitment is open! Remember, we’ll always support you on your EVE journey, even if we have to sit you down sometimes and talk to you about Life Choices. We just want you to be happy and live your best life, because we love you.
Recruitment is open! Unlike those other corps, we’ll never judge you for your “statement” hairstyle, because we want you to be happy and feel free to express yourself!
Recruitment is open! Happiness is a warm puppy, and also a warm missile launcher! Let us help you discover the glowing warmth of the best things in life!
Recruitment is open! Remember, we’re always here to help you make tough decisions about your life choices! Important advice like “shoot this guy” and “reps plz” and “booooooosh” are just part of how we give you the emotional support you need in these confusing times!