An Open Letter To the Brutor Clans of Matar, Regarding a Sporting Event

Fiction Portal Intergalactic Summit
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Summit,

I would like to provide an official response to the Brutor Clans on my home planet of Matar who have expressed distaste over my arranging an “unseemly” mud-wrestling event involving myself and several other pilots.

Wrestling is a time-honored sport in many areas of our cluster, and as such, provides a unique and entertaining manner in which to celebrate the similarities and differences among cultures, such as those among the diverse group of capsuleers who have volunteered (or been volunteered) to wrestle, often with the intention of donating any funds won to charities.

The inclusion of mud in this event is often considered a perversion, but it in fact provides an additional challenge in defeating one’s opponent. All involved expect this special event to be a welcome diversion, a celebration of unity and strength.

As such, I see no reason to cancel the mud-wrestling event, unless my fellow capsuleers change their minds about it. For now, we invite everyone to join us for the matches, which would likely take place in August. More specifics will be announced as they are determined.

I hope that this explanation appeases the concerns of my honored Brutor neighbors. Having presented my views, I will close my statement with a small concern of my own, addressed to the selfsame Brutor clans:

Who even asked you though?

Warmest regards from the steppe,
Melisma Ramijozana
Cadet Chief, on behalf of Clan Ramijozana

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^ This.

I might think the event unseemly myself, but I also think that is none of the gods-be-damned business of any Brutor to poke their noses into.

Else

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I don’t really understand wrestling in mud. What’s the meaning of that? Who even invented that? Why is it still running thing in our community?! I’ve heard about wrestling in mud for some years already, why would people do that? I could understand pushing a loser into a mud pit, but when a winner gets soaked in mud, why would they do that?.. You don’t create enough mud with words in here already? That sort of “sport” sounds disgraceful and unclean!

I do love fighting myself and beating the hell out of my opponents in a gym, but never ever had a desire to do that in a puddle of a mud instead of a ring. Maybe it was because my drill instructors were dunking me into mud too many times when I was just a trooper for me to hate it that much? I still don’t understand anyone into that willingly.

May I offer you instead of mud wrestling a… cactus wrestling?

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The mud adds an extra challenge, Strike Commander – one must not only contend with mastering your opponent, but also with mastering your environment, like sports played in null-g, or cross country races.

That said, some wish to make it about what I believe you would call ‘Gallente degeneracy.’ And I am sure if one tries to make it about such things, one can view it however one chooses, as one can with many things that are not inherently so.

For myself, however, I choose to view it as an interesting extra challenge for an athletic event. That, and with an odd sort of nostalgia for all the mud we had to crawl through and fight in back when I was in the army.

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Oh my dears, this is too rich!

Old sourpuss Rhiannon there thinks I’m not a proper tribeswoman but looky here! Little old Thukker clanner Sesli has half a clue about tribal stuff while these Sebbie “chiefs” don’t have the first idea of how to tell fedo dung from clay.

Oi, Ramijozana, you daft bint. You put your name to a petition to the cockin’ Tribal Council.

You know the one? The one with the Chiefs of the Seven Tribes on it? The one with the Brutor Chief on it?

You done cocked this up, girl! Let’s tick it off, Sebbie investigation girl!

We have the Brutor: not happy because you’re faffin’ about with your girl-on-girl mud action and taking bets with Sani Sabiks, Amarr, Drillheads and all the rest. And really not happy cos you just as good as made out they’re nothing to you after putting a petition into the, say it again girl, Tribal Council.

So that’s the Brutors. Then, you know what, I don’t think their mates the Starkies will be very happy about all this either. Oh and as yon sourteats Rhiannon has thrown mud at the Krusual, I think you “Sebbie Sisters” can forget their vote.

Oh what about the Thukker? Oh yeah, we’re not a proper tribe, are we? So, yeah, you cockin’ Sebbies who still think this is Midular’s Gally-style Republic have got this one ass-backwards and upside-down.

You can make nice with the Neffies though. Oh, and the Vherokior are good sorts, they’ll probably overlook that Sebbie superiority complex.

Have fun in the mud, girls!

Toodles,

Sesli

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I find it quite ironic that an Amarr Lord have to explain this to people, but on the other hand Garion Avarr has often proven himself to be the voice of reason.

We are used to it.

Thank you. Will we see you there?

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The ■■■■ you bring me into this, Seykal? Upset about the RJD getting on your tail or something, are you?

It’s not my petition, it’s not my mudfight, and it’s not like many in the government gave an effing damn what I think before YC110 and they sure as ■■■■ don’t now, as long as I stay away from any conspiracies to treason like a nice little clangirl.

But for the record, anyone who matters thinks the Thukker are a proper tribe. It’s just not all of you lot these days are proper Thukker. Maybe most here are impressed by “the Seykal clan” and think it trad and proper, but I’ve flown with Thukker in the Wilds and I used to call DQ docksides my home. I know what it means when you lot name yourselves by a clan, not your caravan.

Else

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I think I love you. Probably not, but right now I think so.

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Look, more wannabes.

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I am exactly what I want to be, Rhiannon.

You should try it.

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You want to be a bum ?

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Every time I think you couldn’t possibly be any more vapid, you shock me again.

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I have no idea why you are obsessed with my posts.

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In the last forever, how many of your posts have I replied to or commented on? Compare that to how many of mine you’ve replied to or commented on? I understand this might be difficult to suss out, but no, I’m not obsessed with your posts at all.

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You wanna argue with the Blooder, Hav, make your own cat-fight thread. This one’s about a tribal matter, not about outsiders.

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Hm. I suppose political decorum exists in the Republic too.

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Believe it or not, uppity puritans exist everywhere.

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I am not sure I’d call them uppity or puritans. The event does break several rules of decency and common sense. Simply being called out upon it is nothing unexpected. But capsuleers are going to be capsuleers I suppose; eternally persecuted teenagers whom the adults just do not understand.

Boo-hoo.

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Sounds and looks like you have your hands full of it, Lord consort Newelle.
Though I guess I could understand the feeling.

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I’m pretty sure he has his hands full of triglavian phallic symbols.

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