Contract for Hire


(Niloh Shuran) #1

Wanted: Longterm contractor to provide a minimum of 50 corpses per month, no duplicates and biomass must be 3 months old.

Terms: Upon receipt of the first 50 corpses in a given month, the Z5-x02E07F Kultures corporation will transfer the contractor 40m ISK. At the end of said month, an additional 1m ISK will be awarded for each corpse over the initial 50, up to a maximum of 100 total corpses for the month.

If interested in fulfilling this contract, please contact Niloh Shuran.


(Loai Qerl) #2

I don’t doubt for a moment that any number of people will be over shortly to say this is awful and another number of people to say that it is just business. For the record, it is awful. But what I would most like to know about what is going on here–why three months?


(Niloh Shuran) #4

Let us just say clones attain a specific exposure to elements with age which in turn enhances the diversity of the flavouring compounds extracted.


(Loai Qerl) #5

Fuu, it’s something like that. I knew it was something like that.

See! This is troublesome to me, for the obvious reasons of course, but this is what happens when trillions of people with clever little brains interact with a world that includes capsuleers. How did no one say, early on in the process: but people will only farm them and eat them, won’t they? Can’t we do something to keep that from happening?

But no, no one said that, and now people are farming and eating us. Reclamation cannot come too soon, I swear.


(Jade Blackwind) #6

Oh look, a connoisseur of protein delicacies. :wink:

Do you accept corpses that were exposed to the elements in form of Phased Plasma S and open space?


(Niloh Shuran) #7

But of course!


(Niloh Shuran) #8

Please don’t mistake “recycling and research” with cannibalism.


(Loai Qerl) #9

Flavoring compounds. You rotty well said flavoring compounds. EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT FLAVOR IS. If you are going to go around making SAUCES or what-have-you, you do not get to say oh, I am not really eating people, I am only eating SAUCES.

That is nonsense and you are eating people or that is what is happening, anyway. There isn’t any point trying to say this is not about eating people.


(Diana Kim) #10

Ancestors choke, what is the meaning of this?! A Gallentean party?!


(Niloh Shuran) #11

The nutrients that sustains you in your day to day operations be it liquids or matter ingested, ever wondered what other ingredients were included and not disclosed? wink

Anyhow, I have client contracts to fulfill, life in New Eden provides and we waste not. Contact me if you wish to do business with us.


(Niloh Shuran) #12

Federation Day is upon us is it not?


(Diana Kim) #13

I knew frogs were planning something menacing, disgusting, upsetting, terrifying and deplorable… but not to that degree.


(Valerie Valate) #14

In the brief history of the freelance capsuleer, several thousand of them have collected the corpses of other capsuleers. Some for art purposes, some for culinary purposes, some for bizarre and disgusting other activities best left unspoken of.

Out of those several thousand, there have been perhaps 3 capsuleers who have made anything of any artistic or cultural value out of the corpses.

There was one that made bone flutes and the like, one that made leather corsetry and other goods, and one that made taxidermied tableux of celebrities in comedic poses.

Every other capsuleer that collected corpses, only ever made things of such crassness and depravity, that the collective cultural worth of human civilisation declined a small but noticeable amount with each horrific creation.


(Claudia Osyn) #15

Somebody is making Quafe…


(Ibrahim Tash-Murkon) #16

Oh, you’re paying way too much for corpses, man. Who’s your corpse guy?


(Mizhara Del'thul) #17

Huh, I was thinking the other way around. Who’s going to bother when the isk/hr is that low?


(Teinyhr) #18

And not a single one drank wine from the skulls of their enemies? What a shame.


(Mizhara Del'thul) #19

Oh don’t get me started on what a hassle that stuff is. The eye-sockets make almost any decent configuration leak, so you need to find enemies without eye-sockets, and when you finally find them you find that they don’t even have skulls and so on and then you realize you don’t even drink wine anyway and you just wasted a bunch of time and skull and eye-socketless foes on nothing.

Out of all the various animals out there, the human one’s remains are surely those with the least usefulness in arts, crafts and such.


(Teinyhr) #20

Or just use a bit of modern technology and put self-adhesive cleanfilm to cover the eyesockets. Now you have a drinking skull.


(Aria Jenneth) #21

I think for a while my predecessor was kind of into scrimshaw?

Also there’s some grim stuff you can get up to with parchment and/or plasticization. Not saying I have.