A. Oh, yes, I do! I enjoy the combat itself, and I enjoy the results of combat. I love to jump into action, and I love when objectives are completed. I love when enemies cease to exist. But speaking about the fact of combat, yes, I do enjoy it and very much!
B. It’s hard to say why. Maybe, because there is a danger? Maybe, because cold shiver runs down your spine before the fight, even when you have calculated everything, and just know that something can and most probably will go wrong? When you feel that your life on the line, and lives of those who trust you… I somehow feel myself attracted to the danger itself. When people threaten me, I do counterwise despite their threats. When I feel I should fight, I take the fight. Sometimes I feel I blunt and start fights I should have avoided, sometimes I get into deeper trouble than I have expected… but, damn, if I would have to choose again, I would choose the fight anyway.
C. All my life I have been trained with just one purpose - to fight. I’ve been soldier since I was 12 years old. I was trained to fight before that, I was trained after. I was CN AWM, now I am a pilot, despite instructors were telling me that I never shall be allowed to touch a ship, because I am way too reckless, but still, here am I. Touching ships, killing enemies. To fight - it was my profession before I became a capsuleer, and it is my profession now. When you enjoy what you are doing professionally - isn’t it the best thing? Doesn’t it mean you’re in the proper job, where your skills can be applied in full, so you can bring the most profit to the State in this exact position? It’s just… you do your job and you LOVE it, it’s a bliss, it’s a gift. It means you are where you should be.
I am saddened to hear this.
Combat is not about killing people, it’s about protecting what is dear to you… and killing those, who want to destroy it. I find it helpful to dehumanize enemies, to find the worst in them, to make them look as detestable as possible, so when you look at them… you can’t not kill them. You could try that too! It helps me, it could help you too! No empathy, no compassion - they’re just monsters, they’re just targets, they’re just obstacles that can kill you. Don’t think about hurting them. Think about the combat itself and eliminating dangerous elements.
Besides, people die, it’s the law of the Universe. What has been born shall die, and there is simply no life without death - just mere existence. The death is what we live with and what we shall accept in our heart, because it’s eventually fate of every one of us.
The third aspect of this… we are fighters. We aren’t just murderers and killers: yes, we kill, but at the same time we are running around with targets on our backs. Only those, who accept they can be killed with a weapon shall be allowed to hold a weapon.
And of course, there’s the fourth part of the equation. Not just combat, but the Death itself at times can be necessary. Sometimes - even ours. And sometimes NOT killing shall make you feel bad - for example, when you didn’t kill a hundred people and that caused a thousand more to die. You have been given a privilege to kill. Thus, use this privilege to kill ones for others to live.