EVE Jokes Megathread

A Brutor, Vherokior, Sebestior, Thukker and Starkmanir are in a shuttle. Who’s piloting?

A Minmatar pilot and a Caldari pilot get back from a roam. The Caldari pilot has a killboard as long as his arm, while the Minmatar hasn’t hit a thing.
The Minmatar finishes his ale and says, "I quit, I’m going to the hangar to shoot myself! "
The Caldari says, “Better take plenty of ammo!”

Minmatar ships don’t really explode, they just divide into smaller Minmatar ships.

What did the zero say to the eight?
I used to have a belt like that but the NPC miners took it over.

I tried salvaging a Minmatar ship the other day. After about 5 minutes, the pilot asked me to stop.

Your mama’s so fat she could be fitted with her own jump drive.

Your mama’s so fat she’s not allowed in highsec.

Your mama’s so old she has Jovian drinking buddies.

Your mama’s so ugly she gives Sansha nightmares.

Your mama’s so mean she puts bounties on ISDs.

Your mama’s so ugly she scares off Drifters.

Your mama’s so mean she made The Mittani cry.

Your mama’s so cheap she made Rupee Rue lose ISK.

Your mama’s so poor she can’t even afford a pod.

Your mama’s so nasty her pod fluid requires specialist biohazard disposal.

Your mama’s so mean CODE buys permits from her.

How do you fit 500 Caldari inside a shuttle?
Leave a PLEX on the floor.

A Caldari and a Gallente get thrown off of a skyscraper, which one hits the ground first?
Neither. The Caldari had to get an authorisation form signed in triplicate to be allowed to reach terminal velocity and the Gallente was too busy forming a pressure group against gravity.

What does every Minmatar recruit get on their first day of flight training?
A tetanus shot.

What does every Minmatar get along with their first ship?
A crate of duct tape.

A Caldari man, a Gallente man and an Amarr woman are all on an Interbus shuttle. The pilot gets on the speaker and tells them "hi folks, just so you’re aware, we’re experiencing intermittent capacitor problems. The lights in the passenger compartment might fail briefly. Please don’t be alarmed when it happens."
Sure enough a few minutes later, the lights go out. In the brief darkness, there’s a smooching sound and a slap, and when the lights come back up the Gallentean is nursing a bruised jaw.
The Amarrian is thinking: "That Gallente creep must have tried to steal a kiss from me in the dark and kissed the Caldari accidentally. Serve him right!"
The Gallentean is thinking: "What the hell? I guess that Caldari must have kissed the Amarrian and she slapped me in the dark by mistake. Bastard!"
The Caldari is thinking: “This is great! I hope the lights go again so I can make that smooching sound and smack the Gallente again!”

What’s the most common problem Gallente women have?
Not being able to find their clothes.

What do CODE agents and slinkies have in common?
They’re not very useful, but they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

What is the Republic Navy’s biggest fear?
A duct tape shortage.


Pretty good stuff there

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This forum.

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Those were some good jokes.

Thanks for sharing.


I got one, here goes.


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@Krima_Sumyungi Speaking of which this comes to mind:

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What have the muninn and a civilian warp disrupter got in common?

Both are pointless.


One of those days…

… when a crate of duct tape is not enough :wink:

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What’s the difference between a ganker and a fisherman?
The ganker never admits that anything got away.

How can you tell if your FC is drunk?
Everyone around you is dying.

How can you tell if your FC is stoned?
They’ve forgotten how to awox.

How do you know if your FC is about to be banned?
You hear threats over Teamspeak/Discord.

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