EvE Empire Jokes

Only EvE Empire jokes here. You are welcome to write your own.

  • Which weapon has the most DPS against Minmatar ships?
  • Salvage drones.
  • What is the best way to get an Amarrian ship to go faster than 1.000 m/s?
  • Turn it into a wreck, then use a tractor beam.

Q: How may Caldari business men can you fit in a Bestower?
A: None. Bestowers don’t have a drone bay.

Old joke i’ve heard. Didn’t come up with this myself


Q: How many Amarrian does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they would get their Minmatar slaves to screw in the light bulb for them.


Gallente walks into the bar. “Give me the best liquor you have here good sir”

Caldari walks into the bar. “Owner, have you paid all due taxes in full?”

Amarrian walks into the bar. “You all sinners will burn in my Holy Laser Beam!”

Mattari walks past the bar laughing at patrons and drinking own booze made from kitchen leftovers.


I have modified the post title and post to be a little less terrifying to my fellow ISD’s.

Why did the Capsuleer fit a cloak onto their T3C?

He is trying to keep Lo-ki.


What do you call a Ganker while playing Eve Vanguard?

Evil Thug

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Q: How many antigankers does it take to stop me?
A: Hahaha, antigankers don’t do anything, lolol!



Q: How do the Amarr call the day when Minmatar Slaves are thrown out of the airlock into the star?


Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…


Q: How many ISDs does it take to take down an empire?

A: ISDs have no power over the empires.

:smirk: :blush:


Two True Slaves and a True Citizen sit at a bar. The two True Slaves look at each other in disgust. „I think I’m ugly,“ one says to the other. The other furiously hops up and raises his fists, knocking over his glass. „Oh yeah?“ he angrily taunts. The True Citizen deftly grabs his arm, restraining him, and gently says „Hey, it’s not worth beating yourself up over.“

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What’s the difference between a ganker and a fisherman?
The ganker never admits that anything got away

Credit goes to Alessienne_Ellecon 2017

/ Also currently active situation what happened when @ResonanceOfWar T2 Hauler story.


Unless they sneak inside and use their Charisma to get to the leadership position then dissolve the empire from the inside ^_^.

Q: How many Minimatar does it take to take over an empire?
A: All at once in an uprising or none at all.


Q: How many snuff does it take to light a cyno?
A: The guy that thought of the idea and his 2 alt’s, the 22 on their discord who smelt a wiff of content and immediately logged online and that one guy ■■■■ posting on reddit who wants to record it.

Q: How many shadow Cartel to light a cyno?
A: The guy that thought of the idea and his 2 alt’s who are busy finishing a mission in their carriers, the 6 guys busy camping someone into station, the 3 guys chasing haulers with lancers and the 1 guy on coms reading from the cyno instruction manual.

Q: How many Caldari does it take to light a cyno?
A: The guy that thought of the idea and his 1 alt, the 22 guys inside the novice plex and that guy making bank exploiting his fw mates who buy his ships off contracts.

Q: How many Gallente does it take to light a cyno?
A: The guy that thought of the idea his 1 alt and the 26 spy’s from shadow cartel, snuff and caldari.

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Q: Who is the director for the in flight movies shown on Blood Raider ships?
A: My-Kill Bay


Look may you edit that and replace the word slaves with Minmatar?

It’s triggering enough to read the one about the Minmatar pilots being ejected out of the airlock.



O damn can’t believe someone would put mini’s in the airlock, —Redacted by Supervisor---------------------------------------------.


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No. That would be racist. And then the joke wouldn’t work.

True Slaves and True Citizens are members of Sansha Kuvakei‘s Empire. And he enslaves everyone equally.

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Frostpacker doesn’t care for those pirates as they can burn in space each time we shoot them.

/ Anyhow your joke kind of blows… get gud

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How many frost packs could a frost packer pack if a frost packer could pack packs?