Firetail Firesale!

Fiction Portal Intergalactic Summit
1

posted anonymously

SALE SALE SALE!!!

That’s right folks! Starting today, Cretus Incendium is having their Republic Firetail…FIRESALE!

Come on down to Rens, and get the ship of your DREAMS! These speedy little devils are AMAAAZING! Fast and furious…these little bastards tackle harder and faster than an Amarrian priest at a wedding!

And did I mention fast?! Folks Im still relatively young in the pod and I can get these little baby’s up to 3400m/s with little effort!

ZOOM!

Whats that? There is paint missing off the back quarters? Pfft! Folks….paint=weight! That’s not missing paint, that’s SPEED STRIPPING!

Whats that again? Dents in the bow? Those aren’t dents! Those are strategically place divots designs to disrupt radar waves! ITS ALL ABOUT STEALTH BABY!!!

Don’t discount that sweet sweet Sebiestor ingenuity. It’s a thing you know…why do you think so many Amarr fly OUR ships in faction war!?!?

Right now Im offering 10 of these puppies for the low low price of 13 million isk…a full 2 million off the suggested retail!

BUT WAIT…THERES MORE!!!

Act now, and you will receive this free, life size Azazel Drakonis underwear model PLUSHIE!!
ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!
That’s right ladies……tires of sleeping in your bunk alone? Fellas…dream of having that perfect specimen of sexy masculinity at your side?
Give it a squeeze and revel in the scent of cinnamon, whiskey, and sweet manhood!

Hell, rumor has it that certain Amarrian noblewomen are DYING to get their mitts on one of these anatomically correct plush pillows of goodness….and it can be yours…ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!

So come on down and pick up a new ride….and…well…a new ride today!!!

Price base on 0.7% APR over 72 months. Price does not include Concord title, license fees, and tetanus vaccine. Additional fees may apply. See your authorized Republic dealer for details.

11 Likes
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But why?

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Can I reserve one, including the Azazel Drakonis Plushie? I’m afraid I am a bit far from Rens today.

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*anonymous reply

Of course!!!

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Ms. Aldeland these Firetails of yours sounds a little battered and used, still I wouldn’t mind taking a few of them off your hands. Although I don’t know what use would have of a plushie of Mr. Drakonis, but im sure I can find some use for that.
And Rens you say, I can have a mode of transport down there later today to pick them up.

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Oona,

Why did you include this part? You know who you’re taking a shot at. I don’t think I’ve done anything to deserve your mockery.

I’m disappointed.

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In truth, you will find these hulls lovingly crafted. There is not a scratch upon their finish, nor a single dent in their plating. The advert was purely in good natured fun.

These are Republic Fleet designs, and have been crafted respectfully to reflect that.

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Madam, the advertisement was designed truly in good natured fun. Id hoped our relationship allowed for some good natured ribbing. No one of any import will consider my words over yours. I will exclude you from such levity in the future.

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Thank you.

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You know Ms. Elkin because of that post of yours I think I have found a use for the three Mr. Drakonis plushies I now have in my possession

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Anatomically correct you say!

…

I’ll take all ten! And next time sell in Hek!

Edit: 22 jumps! Oh boy!

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im not sure all 10 are available. These babies are moving.
Its the plushies…Im SURE of it.

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I got the last six! :smiley:
I’m going to name them right away!

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If you do another run, let me know. I might be interested in a hundred or so.

especially if it involves the ‘plushie’ target dummies.

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So… are the plushies going to be available seperately or…?

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Excellent marketing! I should try something similar the next time my sales orders stall.

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I’ve went to Rens only to find out that the cheap Firetails are already all gone! Good job.

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You can have one for 20 Million ISK! :blush:

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Aldeland, we’re going to have a talk about this later.

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SOL–Imean, I am pretty sure that the certain Amarrian noblewomen are not interested in that offer in the intent the advert assumes…

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