Hot Chocolate!

So, I remembered why I stayed away for so long. (I mean, aside from other, more personal reasons.) You all are so damn depressing, always super serious, worrying about the end of the cluster as we know it, life and dead, mostly death, murderizing friends, “oh, I’ll kill you but totally feel bad,” drugs are bad, have no fun kind of people.

Do some blue pill and lighten up. Or probably not, since, as I’ve stated, you are way too serious to ever do drugs. So, here’s some not drugs to brighten up, since my vacation house is entering a colder season, and I like this drink.

Hot Chocolate! Sure, some crappy companies sell miserable mixes that you can put in water. (Watch, someone with a zero fun factor is going to defend them.) Other places, like that Stellarcredits chain make a pretty mediocre version for mass consumption. However, for the true gastronome, I have the perfect recipe.

Honestly, this is one thing that I recommend to try at home.

You’re going to need to get some whole milk. Yes, from cows. Dairy from genetically engineered livestock is perfectly fine.

You’re also going to need to get some light cream. The best light cream comes from the Emerald Valley on Intaki, made by red-headed milkmaid virgins, but if you can’t get that, store brought is fine.
For a fun twist, try Baliey’s Intaki Cream in the place of the light cream.

Then, you’re going to need to get some good (this is super important) milk chocolate. (Sure, you can go get dark if you hate yourself and everyone else, which on this board is, again, distressingly common.) The best milk chocolate I found if Mirirka, made by the Sebiestor clan of the same name. Family business for ninety years. (No, they are not giving me free chocolate for this advertising. I mean, they can if they want, but they haven’t.) This brand makes a wonderful snap when you break it. Top-notch stuff! And good to eat plain. Or heated and dripped on your partner to be licked off.

Milk: 40cl
Light Cream or Intaki Cream: 20cl
Chocolate: 60g

So, you’re going to take your whole milk. (That’s dairy, whole, not skim, made from almonds, soy, or anything else) and put it in a sauce pan. Medium heat. If you’re using light cream, you can go ahead and add this in now, too. Once you can feel the heat coming off the milk and cream, go ahead and drop the chocolate in. For best results, smaller pieces. And then start whisking! Whisk, whisk, whisk. You’re going to want to stop just before the milk gets to a boil. And keep whisking. Always. Do not let anything settle on the bottom of the sauce pan to burn.

Take off the heat.

If you’re using the Baliey’s Intaki Cream (or any other brand), you’d put it in just before you take it off the heat, to avoid boiling the alcohol off! Whisk that in well. Make sure you get it reasonably warm.

Immediately pour into a mug. Top with whipped cream or marshmallows.

Now, if you’re feeling bold, adventurous and all that, you can try adding in some extracts. Peppermint extract is nice, and so is orange. Add in the extracts after you take it off the heat; they won’t change the temperature too much. If you add in peppermint extract, you can top your whipped cream with peppermint candy pieces!

Please, Yule is just a couple of months away. Let’s all be nice and stuff.

If anyone else has some festive, cold-weather recipes, I’d love to hear them.


If you’re just going to be negative like this, you’ll just bring everyone down, you know. Why can’t you be more cheerful and nice, like me?


Every time someone comes on here to tell us how miserable we are, we all remember how much we hate people who do that.


What about Lord Vaari’s Patent Providence Ostrich Milk ?


I’m curious, which store sells red-headed milkmaid virgins?

Actually I concur, but have some alternative I use. I prefer frappe, with some sweetener at that. :relaxed:

Also I like frappuchino. :drooling_face:

More seriously, I go for a chocolate martini.

2 parts creme de cacoa, 5 parts vodka ( I really like a local brand distilled from fermented milk). Grate some milk chocolate to put around the rim of the glass. Oh, and make them two at a time per person, as one is never enough.

Warm cherries and whipped cream.

There’s nothing like it to cheer up, especially when you have someone to feed them to.


This made me snort laugh so hard :joy:

And thank you Ameriya, i will definetly try this…

Have you tried milk from Pygmy Intaki Water Buffalos? I have grown quite fond of using their milk for tea, so the milk may also be quite suitable for hot chocolate.


Depending on how flexible you are with definitions, those could be a type of cow!

I have something a little more extreme than chocolate in preparation, but given your speech, it may interest you.

I should post this in a few days :wink:

Or be fed! Even better if the person being fed is tied up and cannot eat otherwise.

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I hope you’re not going down the “If you can milk it, it’s a cow” road.

Because that road leads to a very strange place.

Also, there are potholes.

I have a similar hot cocoa recipe, but it’s designed to be made over a campfire and shared with a big group. Later I adapted it to be made in dormitory kitchens, so it can be done if you’re not feeling like going planetside.

Collect your ingredients:
*Pure milk chocolate, in bar or chip form
(Much as I like to support my Sebestior peers, I personally think the Vherokior clans make the best chocolate. It’s rich and flavorful and has a little kick to it.)
*Heavy cream
*Simple syrup (1:1 water and sugar)

I don’t have any units because we make this to taste. But the heavy cream and milk should be equal portions unless you are using a non-fatty milk, in which case you can probably increase the heavy cream to give the drink more body. You could probably substitute honey for the simple syrup, or use any grain alcohol in place of the whiskey. I sometimes used cheap wine as a poor uni student; this is not advised.

0) If you happen to be at a campfire, it should be lit and you should have a giant pot hanging over it.

  1. Combine your milk and heavy cream in the pot; heat until it starts to foam.
  2. Add your chocolate and stir until fully combined.
  3. Stir in your simple sugar.
  4. Remove pot from heat.
  5. Stir in whiskey.
  6. Line with marshmallows. (You can toast these first if it doesn’t distract you from mixing the cocoa.)
  7. Serve immediately.

Made well, this drink should warm you inside and out.

There’s also a cocoa-coffee recipe that’s the same except with coffee beans, but I don’t like coffee, so I’ll have to ask someone back how how it’s made.

This is a wonderful idea.


Uhm… no, just that water buffalo, like domestic cattle, are bovids. They’re not true bovines, but they’re pretty close.

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I’ll stick with whiskey on the rocks.


I mean, she did specify cold-weather drinks.

If she’d asked for ‘best ways to find oblivion,’ whiskey-to-the-head would have been my answer.

Well, when I say my chocolate martini is 2 parts creme de cacoa, 5 parts vodka I forgot to mention by ‘part’ I mean ‘shot’. Per martini.

The effect is much the same as whiskey-to-the-head, whilst it’s still wrapped in the bottle.

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That is…frankly, excessive. And not in an amusing or indulgent way. It is a small bucket of strong alcohol that tastes more or less of chocolate. You may want to reconsider some parts of your life if this drink looks like anything other than a mistake to you.

I could joke, but I am not joking.

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