How to determine heresy, a simple guide

Fiction Portal Intergalactic Summit
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There are many accusations of heresy, and counter-accusations, floating around on the IGS.

None of them have used the Proper Method of identifying heresy, which I shall elaborate.

Now, I used “floating around” in my opening remark for a reason. You see, typically, the insult used is “heretic scum”, because scum floats.

But what else floats ? Wood. And that’s why heretics burn, because they are made of wood, and therefore float, which is why they are also scum.

But of course, wood is not the only thing that floats. What else floats ? That’s right. Ducks.

So, when you suspect someone of heresy, you should see if they weigh the same as a duck, which will indicate that the suspect is made of wood, and is therefore a heretic, and scum to boot.

But you say, there are many ducks, of many different sizes, how do you know which duck is the correct one to use ?

Well, friend, it is simple. The correct duck is the Athran Imperator Duck, which is of course native to the wetlands of equatorial Amarr Prime, and is some 60kg mass when fully grown. It’s a fricking big duck, you’ll know it when you see it.

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Much easier to just burn them after a good ole float test.

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What are your thoughts on leaves?

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Leaves count as wood, because they are both plant materials.

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But nonheretics burn too…

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Clearly if they burn they were actually heretics.

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Time to test this theory on some old PIE corpses.

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Remember everyone, if you build a fire for a person in the woods he will be warm for that night. If you set that person on fire he will be warm the rest of his life.

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So oil is heresy…

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I always thought the basic test for determining heresy was “do they disagree with me in any way, if so. heresy”

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The basic way the Amarr actually seem to approach it is, “Do they disagree with official interpretation per the Theology Council broadly or deeply enough to constitute a corruption of the Faith?”

Samira Kernher and Utari Onzo are a couple examples of Amarr in good standing who publicly differ from the mainstream as far as the wisdom, propriety, and ethics of keeping slaves, but are not considered heretical. (It’s not even all that “out there.” Empress Jamyl I even said the “time of chains” is ending-- a little ambiguous, but, only a little.) They don’t differ substantially on the underlying theology or philosophy; it’s basically a political disagreement.

In contrast, a Sani Sabik practitioner might agree with basically everything about the way the Empire is run for various reasons, and yet still be considered a heretic because the (pretty nihilistic) Sabik outlook is antithetical to mainstream Amarrian belief (which is anything but).

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She also said murdering children for the crime of being freed from slavery was hunky-dory, paraphrased. I wouldn’t be too quick to take her words as gospel - heh - given their contradictory nature. Particularly when ‘the age of chains’ comment was followed by a weaponized ‘freeing’ of indoctrinated zealots rather than anyone who’s spirits and minds weren’t already chained and hobbled already, slaves or not.

What is and isn’t heresy is very simple: What is or isn’t politically expedient at the time.

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Only when it weighs the same as a duck.

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But oil floats on water

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So do ducks

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Fortunately as someone who is of minmatar culture I dont have any doubts, second thoughts, or hesitation to oil myself with some beauty oils from time to time.

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True true, so ducks are also heresy. Which explains why they taste so yummy…

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