As long as you have the resources, it’s no harder than anywhere else in the Empire. The issue is whether or not someone is willing. And there are people willing even in Ardishapur.
Uplifting also requires discipline and labor. The life of a slave is not spent all day in school.
It takes more than a decree to change people’s views. Especially one as politically-influenced as that one.
It also does not declare the virtue or worth of your soul. That is on us.
Ardishapur.
And yet you betray your liege lords and family.
I serve Ardishapur’s lineage. I serve Ardishapur’s faith. I will again serve Ardishapur’s name, my birthright, but only once the Throne has been restored.
It is you who has allowed yourself to be betrayed, not by devoted souls like me, but by the unfaithful in holy cloth.
If those who owe allegiance to House Sarum are so inclined, I would welcome a simple correspondence.
Ayallah is neither seeking penance for her transgressions, nor is she declaring herself a mercenary with loyalty only to contract and payment. Rather, she is speaking as if she’s an authority on true faith and service when she is nothing of the sort.
If she wants to declare loyalty to the Empire and Sarum, she may. But if she decides to clothe today’s choice of allegiance in lies of unwavering service and dedication, it will be called out.
So I had two hypotheses going into this: 1) Given the questionability, historically, of cloning technologies in the minds Conservatives in the Empire we would see a higher number of more Liberal houses (particularly Khanid and Tash-Murkon), or 2) More militant houses like Sarum might be willing to adopt strategically useful technologies like Capsuleer cloning even with the murky status of the religious implications.
It would seem, however, that unlike our State allies we’re quite a bit more evenly spread. Even accepting both of my hypotheses as true fails to totally account for this (modest) sampling. I am particularly surprised by such high Ardishapur numbers given that house’s reputation for doctrinal obedience aimed at being beyond reproach.
While I was born in the Republic and do not owe allegiance to any house by birth, house Ardishapur’s wise reign over the Ammatar Mandate has made me their loyal follower.
I’m a Caldari myself but I do want to take a moment to recognize the achievements of our Amarrian counterparts, I find changed matarians much more profitable than free ones.
My ongoing service within SFRIM has only deepened my conviction that the Reclaiming is the only way to save the cluster.
Virtue Valor Victory
Faltered in service?
I make no claim to a spotless record. I have disobeyed orders, lied to superiors, stolen from the Empire and its people on a battlefield. I am not a decorated soldier covered in shining gold accolades and the good words of my holder. I am not the dutiful slave who is never late to work and always polite.
But falter in service to god?
Never in my life.
You are gravely mistaken about my time in the TSF, and in how you are addressing this grievance of yours.
For a freed slave, a non-chosen who flirts with heresy every time her lord or the Empress Jamyl was mentioned to condemn me? The same one who turned me away when I asked about serving in the Amarr Militia long before I even considered joining the Caldari Militia let alone the TSF after.
I flew the enemy’s flag as a child pretending to be a freed slave so I could report ship movements to the Golden Fleet. I compromised on my principals when I learned that even someone who is the same blood, same faith, same family as you, can still be your greatest threat on a battlefield far from the light of the Empire.
And much like my regret at those things long done and in the past so too is my regret gone for a pretty employment record ruined. You say I should be ashamed and guilty but that is the attitude of someone who medicates her guilt and shame. Who carries it with her because she likes the taste of the cure. I learned what I had to and moved on long ago, I can take nothing I have ever done back and I refuse to dwell on regret, doubly so for the benefit of someone other than myself.
And it is all the will of god that it should be done, has been done. So what is there to regret Samira? What should I be ashamed of?
Instead I am grateful god let me meet people such as Avalynkaa and learn about who my people were before god chose us. I am grateful I now better understand the Republic, the Matari, Brutor, and myself. To have seen how unguided man is in the place god should be most hated and to hear his name in the questions of children on the streets.
To have the privilege of seeing things from the other side and to know the truth in the rightness of god and the Empire is a great gift. Many will live in the light their whole lives and wonder if it is worth it but I have seen the other side, I know it is.
I do regret things I said to her and to Aldrith but not flying in Pyre or the TSF. I cannot regret “loyalty” to the Republic because I never had any. You knew then and you know now I have never been a citizen of their Republic nor a member of their Clans. You say I am loyal to them because I disagreed with you so vehemently about Tribal politics in the past not because I was ever “loyal” to that Nation or its Tribes.
And if it is more serious than I think to have flown in the TSF “pendulum war” and to have been in the Standing Place with you and Avalynkaa and all those of Matari birth then I still do not care Samira. Because it was the will of god that I should walk to such places, and to even now be so questioned by you for my every step in them. And it will be to god to punish me, not you on some galnet topic.
But to be condemned as a “Republic Loyalist” and saying I wished to “pitch camp” from a woman who’s Voluval I have seen is telling. I listened to their stories, I learned who they were as people and I walked among them. But I was never one of them Samira.
Unlike you I did not tattoo their flag on my blood, mine was only digital, only paint to be washed off a hull or a patch removed from a uniform. I did not become one of them and join their Tribe.
Your voluval is still in you even now Samira, under the surface. You and I know it can come back and cannot be undone. Telling me I faltered in service Samira? That I have loyalties to regret and be ashamed of? I think you see in me everything you hate and so you strike out.
Or perhaps you just felt a sting when I said no authority should be higher than the throne or god because you wish your late lord had risen against the Empress Jamyl.
I think I do not care why you chose this fight, I know that you do it out of thought of service to the Empire. But the purity fleet wore white when they attacked the Empress Samira. And you would have been wearing the symbol of Ardishapur had you dared try to rise against Jamyl I know.
I do not regret being Matari, I do not think that the Republic is godless. There is fertile soil and god’s word has taken root. But to have stepped off the blessed and straight path is a crime for a slave on an estate no? To have foreign mud on your boots and wearing a TSF flight jacket is surely going to earn death in the heart of the Empire but in the warrens of Curse it is the only safe thing to for a former slave to wear Samira. They do not trust those who have not fought for their people but they do not care if you are no Ava Starfire hero because neither are they.
I think god has hardened your heart so you will never understand, or you have hardened it on your own so you do not have to reconcile what has already come to pass.
Devils and demons do not tolerate some things to get close to them, where Kameira sometimes must be. The truest corruptors will not respect the grace of purity. What you consider disloyalty or transgressions against god’s creation is a necessary step out of the safety of abstinence. This is the role of the Kameira among others, and I do not answer to you.
To you though, it is the principal of having never put on a TSF jacket in the first place. For the flag to have never been soiled. I know that the symbol of Amarr must never rest upon the ground Samira, I was taught that as a child too. But on a battlefield sometimes you must lift one from the dirt, sometimes it just falls despite all the work and blood of the faithful.
You think pure white flags and even strides are how you serve god because you follow. You keep pace behind your lord and lady flying the golden authority of the Empire on their banners and do as you are told. I must go where the Faithful are not, to dark places because that it is what god asks of Kameiras. That we should follow the sound of battle when no sound advice is at hand. That sometimes only the light of god within us and around us are guides. When there is no help we must make decisions and follow god. That we should do distasteful things and walk unclear paths so that god’s fire ever grows even in the deepest shadows and among the camps of the enemy.
If this explanation still does not satisfy you then perhaps another some other time will. Do not worry, I will not pull a knife on you should we chance to speak in person. I will not call a pirate onto the grid of any arranged meeting to sway the odds in my favor.
Or maybe it will never be peaceful between us. If so then I welcome it, truly. I know enough of life to wish for strict teachers and inquisitors.
But know that I see you too Samira, I see that Voluval under your skin and I hear the edge of heresy when you talk of Jamyl Sarum. Kameiras are not so strict, it does not work so well. Too many people to watch, too many heretics and liars for the faithful to be divided so that the soldiers are watching the flock.
I chose to join the TSF, I chose to remind those here that loyalty to house is secondary to god and the Empire, and I chose to remind you of why it stings when I do.
And I was chosen to serve god. First just a Kamiera, then a capsuleer. And in both I will rise to meet any challenge god sees fit to place. Be it your questioning, be it more heretics than I can ever kill or one I cannot. No challenge in my life has caused god to abandon me and I will not abandon my duty because of your disapproval.
Aria Jenneth
So … uh, Ms. Ayallah, is there someone other than God whose orders you’re taking about this stuff?
I do not know what you mean.
[ 2013.02.28 07:15:06 ] Ayallah > Ugh, Amarr. Pod yourself.
[ 2013.03.03 23:43:04 ] Ayallah > Slavers talking about morality.
[ 2013.03.04 06:25:52 ] Ayallah > I find the concept laughable, that any human could imagine any god great enough to be the stars and seas.
[ 2013.03.04 06:42:04 ] Riesuleah Hadah > Sadly, selfishness has a way of insidiously creeping into organized religion as well.
[ 2013.03.04 06:42:36 ] Ayallah > Creeping? It is a core tenet!
[ 2013.05.04 04:54:03 ] Ayallah > I was lied to a lot.
[ 2013.05.05 09:24:13 ] Constance Bonacieux > Those who ‘write’ the scriptures are inspired by God.
[ 2013.05.05 09:24:36 ] Ayallah > Says those who write the scriptures…
Oh, but you were just “pretending” to be a freed slave? Even if that was true, do you think God approves of deception? Do you think the Deceiver is a role model to be followed? No one who lies earns God’s love, nor serves His Empire.
You act like dutiful service and service to God are two different things. They’re not. Dressing yourself in sin “for righteous purposes” doesn’t please God. It doesn’t impress Him. It doesn’t even serve Him. It disappoints Him. It angers Him. God would never ask someone to sin on His behalf. Only people are capable of doing that. Or of reasoning that sin can ever be done to noble ends.
If this is what a kameira is, then no kameira is worthy of respect.
True service to God is Faith, Duty, Truth, and Loyalty. Upholding His virtues, not casting them aside.
I was never in the Standing Place. You’re thinking of the Lock, Stock, and Barrel. And you saw my Naming Mark, not my Voluval.
It wasn’t my choice to move to the Republic. But I did live there. And that meant joining a clan, in a tribe. But I kept to my faith, as trying as that was when people knifed the local priest or painted Slaver’s Fangs on our door.
You’re trying to reverse this on me, and point out my errors. But I already know my flaws, Ayallah. I don’t have the grace of purity. My white robe is stained, black with the sins I have committed and red with the blood I’ve spilt in punishment for them. But I seek purification. I try to do better, to sin less.
You take pride in your sins. They’re marks of battle to you. You don’t try to do better, you just try to find reasons why the next scar you place on your soul “served God.” Was even the will of God. It is the excuse of so many sinners to claim that all missteps they make was because “God willed it.” He didn’t. You just misstepped.
Regrets, and guilt, and shame, teach us to do and be better. When you bury them, you forget what they are meant to convey.
You can serve dutifully a heretic, a Karsoth. You can do the will of a monster blindly or aware of what goes on by serving dutifully. Service to god is a higher calling, a goal. Serving dutifully the Imperial authority is a way to that higher calling of serving god but do not conflate all the many roads to the destination.
Everything serves god in time, even the Deceiver. Even those who work against god with all their strength spend all their effort in service to god in his universe. We simply cannot see how always because we are so short lived. That is not just a sinner’s excuse Samira, it is also the truth.
You wish me to stop and stand before you to explain twenty days in a militia as if I answer to you and it is a crime to anyone, as if it was of any consequence. You speak to me about scars as if I do not bear those earned by others dying in dutiful service to god. You know I said from the first days I was a Kameira.
Now you say to take pride in your sins? You personify the Deceiver?
I did not go to the Republic by choice either Samira, but I spent my time in a prison and you were getting a clan and tattoos. But you want me to walk around ashamed of my actions, you pretend it will serve anything to have me grovel for you or that there is anything to be ashamed of.
You claim it is to teach me to be better but Samira, I already have spent less time in TSF since. My previous ‘sin record’ was twenty days and in the four years since I have spent zero days in TSF. I was offered a Directorship and I still have not returned. But one day I might Samira. And if I do it will be as always for a purpose that I am not obligated to report to you. If you want to know you can ask like a normal person and not spit publicly your distaste at actions that were never accountable to you.
I will explain it to you a second time, unearned yet demanded: I was trained to operate far from Imperial Authority and to seek out the centers of the Empire’s enemies. I was taught and empowered to act without the guidance of anything but god and my training.
I spent years a captive of a hostile nation and came out of it with a Tribal sponsorship to capsuleerdom. I spent twenty days in their militia, and came out of it with a much better understanding of the war and myself as well as many friends I still keep now.
I consider myself undeservedly blessed.
Traitors always do bring the most pitiful of excuses, don’t they? “Oh I was just pretending to be one.” is rather sad even for that kind of creature.
I did not betray anything but Samiras expectations of conduct for a militia pilot. Betrayal would be freeing slaves and then seeing them executed after they think they are free no?
“I find the concept laughable, that any human could imagine any god great enough to be the stars and seas.”
“Slavers talking about morality.”
“Creeping? It (selfishness in religion) is a core tenet!”
Betrayal of principle, cause, flag and your very God? I know you like to pretend every failure of yours to never have been actual failures, rewriting your history every time it becomes inconvenient and so forth, to a level that makes goons look principled and truthful. This however, is outright pathetic in its transparency.
What a coward, unable to own up to your own actions and choices.
Actually, you were spouting anti-Amarr rhetoric for months even before you joined the militia. That was just your flag-carrying moment, where the deeds matched the words.
If you expressed any real kind of regret for that time, I wouldn’t be saying anything. It’s this undeserved arrogance you express that I am calling out.
I was saying that you take pride in yours. You don’t feel regret for them, afterall. Or even acknowledge that they were wrong in the first place.
Your training must not have been very good. Months of public expression of contempt for Amarr and the Rite, and yes, twenty days in the militia of an enemy state. You really think God approves of that?
What principal that Kamerias and capsuleers are held to did I betray Mizhara? What cause or flag did I cause to fail or succeed by my actions? Who are you to tell me I failed god?
Just a fool, excited to see someone they dislike at the pointed end of someone’s attention. Bandwagoning with nothing to bring herself like a whore travel interceptor.
Ooooh, touchy touchy. And running out of excuses at that, if you now backpedal to “oh these aren’t principles we’re beholden to”. You denounced your God. You flew wrapped in the flag of the Empire’s enemies. You betrayed the very same principles all are beholden to, no matter whether they’re capsuleers or baseliners: Loyalty, honor and honesty.
No, Ayallah, I certainly do not like you. I loathe those who run away from their failures, almost more than I loathe those who betray their stated loyalties - twice over in your case -, because you show that not only can’t you ever be trusted but neither do you even have the courage and strength to own up to it.
Who am I to tell you? Well, I am Mizhara of the Isle of Thule. A woman who failed her clan and her tribe. A woman who allowed herself to be blinded, bringing taint and dishonor into the clan. This is one of my many mistakes and failures. The difference between us is that I accepted this, and faced judgment for it. I carry the consequence of it. Every choice I make, I own. Be it a success or failure, it’s mine to carry, and I carry the marks of them all, proudly or with deserved shame.
And here you are, a spineless coward so craven that she can’t even admit to her own failures and choices.
… pitiful.