I guess but it kind of has me imagining a pressure cooker sort of thing, where all the words unspoken are just kind of building up and building up and building up while the metal creaks and groans until it all explodes in a calamitous burst of shrapnel and verbiage.
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In three months I had the trust enough to fly pylon to pylon with who was at the time one of the most significant threats to Amarrian cultural domination of the Republic. A woman who was a dangerous leader because of her charisma, intelligence, fervor, and righteous fury in war.
In three months I had walked freely and openly among those who had eluded Amarr for centuries. Among the very ancestors of those who preserved the Matari culture. Those chosen by God to be allowed to pass down their knowledge just as those who failed to hunt them, the vherikor, and the Thukker, were often brought down as fools during the primary time of the enslavement of the Minmatar.
I have an intimate knowledge of many important figures in the Matari rebuilding. From the time of the battle of Yulai to now I have learned ba great many things and am now very sure of how the State and Republic work. How they interact, how they interact with pirates and how the pirate groups act as well. I have a great deal of experience bin these subjects having been involved with them as much as you have known me at least.
I also got quite a good idea of how the Pirates, Minmatar, and everyone else interacted with the faithful and where the faithful failed. Where the rot of doubt, idolatry, and Sani perversions rooted among the faithful. All in my first three months before God called me to wars again that brought me the expertise and experience to then act on what I had learned before.
And now I enjoy a position of great superiority. For that day when perhaps the things I know and am capable of will be needed to serve Amarr. So roughly, exactly the same as all other times in my life. Did you know Samira I have also killed holders and those tasked with speaking Godâs word in my time too?
Has your faith fallen so far you forget that God will reward those who die in his service greatly? Are those whose lives I have ended not all Godâs to own? Should I regret what God has already set right? No. I think as always Samira your doubts and weakness of faith poisons to the core your intentions.
Even the man you idolized above the God he served showed he was willing to die without hesitation for Amarr, for Godâs will. How many would die aboard battleships and in all the battlefields if the Matari Republic had risen as bellicose and driven, with intelligent and uncorruptible purpose behind them and the allies of many pirate groups?
No, a few lives to ensure that those seeds never rooted to grow dangerous to the walls of the Amarr is a very small price to pay. You forget Samira, God freed the Matari just as he enslaved them, his plans are eternal and the actions of the Empire must also be more far reaching than the three months of flying without T2 arms in militias. Or some planned vulnerabilities let slip to earn the sympathy of those who are dangerous to Amarr. You yourself should well know the ebb and flow of challenges to Amarr in the contested territories. Tell me Samira, do you feel as though Matari power rose and Amarâe became at risk or that Matari power waned after that august time when so many others flew that now do not. When it seemed as though everything could change and the very heart of the Empire could be touched did Amarr emerge more secure or less in your eyes. How fared the threats to Amarr since?
Do you think that a capsule war that swallows and burns Delve for months on end is something the Empire has no actors in? I suppose it doesnât matter, God has blinded you for your doubt of his work and I am not the one to convince you. I have convinced you already I am a problem to doubters of God, enemies of God, and even of concern to those who have not been yet sorted.
But I do not think any of the faithful lose sleep over me, I do not think any of the faithful every feel concern for their selves when they see me doing as my kind is made by God to do. The chosen do not worry about me but you do Samira. You are the one who worries the wound and it is not because it is in my flesh Samira. It is your own heart you are picking at and I can see how it beats in your neck.
I have trained many a slaver dog to smell that guilt Samira.
I think you should consider my actions have been redeemed because I am chosen. And that no matter how fervently you cling to the action of faith you will not be chosen by God until your faith is who you are.
This desperate projection of your own doubt to me has never harmed me Samira and I am shocked you cannot see it. It is my grid you have warped onto and I am the one decloaking with scrambler and neutralizers at your throat.
I cannot understand you but I suppose that is why you are set as separate from me by God. I have hoped that we were not so dissimilar but as time goes on I find more and more reason within you why God excludes you.
Perhaps that is not how it always will be, I do not know Samira, I am not that kind of Kamiera by nature to focus all my time on the inquisition of the faithful. I cannot predict like them where in Godâs creation you stand and it is not my place to.
But if a freed slave feels she can remark on the actions of a Kameira then I too can remark on the weaknesses I have always seen on you. Long have you been tempted and swayed away and yet still you lash out. I am not fooled Samira.
Should I have been the one to end the life of Ardishapur, in front of you, pressing the button on the cannon or even with a knife at the very estate you were reared at you still would have no right to question my faith to God. It is not your place to know if your master was true or not true, only to serve him faithfully as if he was, obeying always the word of God.
He understood that, all the chosen understand that. That our lives are in service always to God and that his ultimate work is done through our faith, sacrifice, and dedication.
I am disappointed Samira but I am not your judge. I remind you only of what happen should you fail to achieve Godâs kingdom and as always, to remind you too that Amarr will always have the might and superiority of God. That every defeat in history has grown to a victory bin the future under the nurturing of god.
If you doubt, remember a time in history when many lives were sacrificed brutally, when we were defeated by the Jove. How bitter it must have seemed to those who were faithful. But, if they kept true, God rewarded them. And the Jovian empire collapsed to a rot immediately, itâs greatest treasures now decades ago looted by Amarr.
I think you really do not understand Godâs will in New Eden Samira. I wonder truly how you cope and thank God that I am among the chosen so as to not have to live in such shadow of doubt as to the march of Godâs work.
Truly it is a blessing I have taken for granted, the confidence and sight of Godâs will being done. I did not realize how much so until I find how blind you are to the truth of things sometimes.
Anyway ask Pieter if you like Samira. Before my first messages in the Summit that so damned me in your eyes, even as they worked my closer to where I need go, I had already mentioned to him how many years I foresaw I would need be away from the open faith of Amarr. I believe I accomplished everything I desired with that CONCORD license ahead of schedule and I am very much enjoying working unlicensed in New Eden, more than I think possible when you cannot even see civilian traffic or control your own uplink.
Regardless of all of it I am tired of entertaining your presumption at questioning the work of God. Years ago I would strike someone for those kinds of doubts but I never was an expert in the policing of slaves. In fact I have learned over time that, as long as the heresy doesnât spread, it is far worse to let the heretic suffer the consequences of their own actions than to give them the quick death of being immolated.
I hope you will understand when I take a similar attitude to this petty and stupid argument you have held onto to justify the fear you feel because of your doubts.
And she instantly proves you right. I am legitimately impressed.
I am on vacation of sort, sailing the south sea. I have had time to sit back and speak at length. In no short time no doubt I will be busy and you will remember the active hunter more than the relaxing one that seems unfamiliar to you.
But another difference is I prefer to speak at length and be understood by those who I know will be bystanders in the end. The better to make it easier in the end and all the more familiar when I must then do the sad work of roaming among you too.
There is much less reason to speak to prey.
Only to make it more painful for them, to increase the dread they feel when they know God has made his decision on them.
Is it to make more people soliloquise?
Thatâs a lot of words for, âI can do no wrong.â
Say what?
Arrendisâ dank dark secret finally exposed.
Itâs either an âeveryone not on my side is the sameâ or sheâs really jealous of your Dagon.
Ah ⌠really, I donât think Iâve ever, like, ever, seen anyone look to Ayallah for spiritual insight and guidance. Sheâs a bit head-over-heels for her own interpretation, which isnât quite baseless? But itâs the sort of interpretation youâd get from a fanatic who despite her professed loyalties might in practice recognize no authority but Godâs.
Thinking about it, the phrase that comes to mind is âgiddily judgmental.â She doesnât quite not-care about being right or wrong, but her self-assuredness makes distinctions among her enemies seem relatively unimportant. Apostates, heretics, and heathens are all just a charred smear waiting to happen. Why bother with precise distinctions when what matters is that God wills their destruction?
Heck, Iâm jealous of my Dagon sometimes. 
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My life was given to God before my birth Samira, what possible tremor do you think you could cause in a foundation God placed down? How arrogant can you possibly be!
How many times have you boasted of the letter of your faith to God and Ardishapur, letting the company you keep to envy and assure find comfort in their questioning Godâs will from you. The turmoil in your heart bleed through eyes like a voluval bleeds through the skin⌠Well mine never appeared Samira. Not outcast, not shamed, nothing. Not of the Tribe. It passed away without finding any hold here.
But my name can be found in the Book of Life, among the names of the chosen.
Not because of what I have done or not done, but because of what I am.
Chosen by God.
God alone has power over the chosen. Even Eliza in her innocence will no doubt be more blessed by God than you. Doubtless. âŚUnless something in you changes or has changed since last we spoke.
You forget your freedom granted from slavery was not promotion to nobility. As much as you sought to act as scholastic clerk of scripture for the Royal throne you ultimately have always been a frightened slave clinging in desperation to the line that will save you. You cannot lash out with what you are afraid of and not expect it to be seized and used against you.
I know this is true because you would not have dared to question anything I did, not in my presence anyway, had I visited your holding before either of us flew. If I had murdered your dearest teacher in front of you I would not have allowed you to question the act without arranging you be questioned for possible disloyalty or corruption from said teacher. Thanks to God I am sure your teacher and holder was or is a welcome member of Godâs kingdom and forgive the example but I just cannot fathom what has made you feel entitled now to question me whatsoever now that I have given you my explanation. Except now you feel secure enough. So God has given you more rope to hang with? I hope not but I am questioning if that is indeed why.
Because âI was doing Godâs work.â Should have been explanation enough, and has been enough for the faithful my entire life.
So why is it not enough for you Samira Kernher, Sebiestor. Why should I answer to you when Heirs, and Holders, Champions, Templar, Scholars, and many other faithful beside do not question me?
Is it because your faith was always Word and letter and face, never heart and soul? Is it some projection I wonder? Some doubt you think I share? If a former slave feels entitled to search within me then surely I can do the same in return. Or maybe that is what you think, that it is revenge for feeling so pursued by God growing up, now you pursue his servant who feels no weight of burden from the faith.
Not like you do.
That is why the first time you see me in person you drew your knife, why the first time on grid you opened fire. Why you feel so threatened when I am welcomed easily into my birthright as one of the faithful.
Because you fear me like you fear the slaver dog. I am sorry Samira but your constant dislike of me is not convincing your holder to give up their most trusted hunting hound, it is causing them to wonder why the dog has taken a dislike to you. Does it smell the run in you? Why does it sleep now on the side of the estate where your dormitory is? Why will it not let you go into town alone.
Or, why does my once treasured servant now seem distracted in scripture study? What has changed?
If you cannot live with me Samira then I am afraid it is your children, your person, and your soul, who will bear that burden. Not me. Not because I will ever lift a finger but because you risk cursing yourself. The unity of the faithful is another thing I empowered and bred to protect I hope you know. Another duty that I feel no burden from thanks to Godâs love of me.
However you are burdened, because something in you is found wanting. I have seen it a thousand times Samira, it is the guilt of falling faith. It crushes inside them what is not of God, even if it is suicide in the end. Do you think a found Heretic fights like a frantic animal? Almost always they confess and submit and weep like cowards and beg that they knew it was wrong.
Their guilt has been consuming them. Their faith to God had burned them from the inside until their was nothing but shame.
But this is not what you display no, I wish. You are the other kind. The one with the scar tissue over the wound. Healing over. The kind that talks only of their neighbors heresies. The kind whoâs shame became cold self hate and then just cold hate a long time ago.
Guess Samira, at which estate of these two example holders did I find the worse horrors and heresies. I hope you do not continue to be bitter. Cold, bitter, numbness, is a path to heretical acts. And are borne of heretical thoughts. Like: âThe Empress was not chosen by God but by corruption.â âŚFor example.
Consider this Samira, it is my role granted by God to shame and punish those who are found wanting, never was it yours except perhaps among slaves and then under supervision.
I am and have been empowered by the Word of God itself to choose if holders live or die should I have found them implicated in the heresies I was hunting (Thanks to God most heresies are entirely contained) but here you are acting as if your opinion would save not just the holder but condemn me for striking him down!
Like a game of laser, blaster, missile is it? The slave balances out the justice of the Empire so the Justice of the Empire can balance out the Holder?
No Samira. It is God, the chosen, then the rest. There is no part where I accept your opinion as having power over me unless I chose to respect it. You have not been chosen to speak on behalf of the Empress, nor of God. I in fact, have been chosen to be silent on their behalf, and do other things besides.
So beware. God is who judges me, God is who judges you.
Fear God and seek only his favor, not the favor of people for that very reason. Not because I will hunt you down or beat you up at a beach or say mean things to you Samira, but because God will punish you the more you stray from him.
I need not say or do anything to prove to you that God has power over your life, so wonderful that my work is done for me. How blessed am I that as a watchguard over the faithful I can pick my targets like a prize hunter so low is the threat to the faithful and so overwhelming is Godâs favor on us. How secure the homes of the faithful in Amarâe when I can walk through the ruins of the enemies of God deep in the heart of their exile in Delve.
How much rejoicing there is to see converts working in the houses of government for the Republic and Federation both. How quickly God is converting these people and how rich the soil we are promised to inherit.
I am sorry Samira that according to your faith God has given you your great desperate anxiety over his work. I wish too that you could feel the great secure superiority of Godâs favor. That you could feel whatever fulfilment is awaiting your faith.
But I fear that your inability to accept your place is keeping it from you. To ask me in private, to wonder to others who are faithful and could speak to me, this is good family business. To come out like this public? No this is not the actions of family and I know certainly which one I belong to. So my concern again via for you the more you push this idiocy.
I chose to be silent and gone but it did not seem to undo this questioning of faith. No relief did it seem to give you and now I think perhaps it was a mistake to ever coddle you over this. Maybe I am misinterpreting this and you hate me because I was always faithful? Maybe you wanted us to all fly under Ava and fight against slavery? Is it the Matari you feel I betrayed and this is just the way you address it? To not face the source of your anger?
I weep, for I am not a teacher. Samira, I am a Kameira.
I am not who you should debate with like oak walls keep your words from spreading. I am not your gentle teacher, or former slave, or kindly old holder whom you can confide in.
I have ended lives for less open hints of heresy than you have spoken towards Empress Jamyl, Martyr. Less open derision of God you than have shown many times when your Yonis was not made Emperor.
But where are the orders given by your holder to do those things? Where is the holy work accomplished with your words against God? I have mine to defend my words that never reached my heart, where are yours to defend the words that slipped out of yours?
I said empty things like âdeath to slaversâ because I knew it was in service of Godâs work. It brought me correctly and quickly to where I was needed, God made my path easy.
Easier still because Avalynkaa had others to nurture too. Another Kameira, out of control and unpredictable. Muddying up everything. And a frightened one who lashed out and needed the most gentle care from her. Often did she confide in me her stress over you, often did I see you too among the Matari when it was more than a gathering of pirates.
How easy it was for me to slip through without deep examination for years. Too easy.
Thanks to God, sending these faithful to serve. So in fact, even your doubt to God served his purposes, it helped me to hide between you and Eliza and somehow become accepted and welcomed easily among who should have rejected me the most. How wonderful is Godâs mercy that he let a free Matari have sympathy for a slaver.
How merciful God is to welcome me with friendship, peace, and understanding where you would expect only the most brutal and brief of conflicts followed by ruin.
God has made his will apparent, can you not accept it yet? When you yourself have a part in what you condemn can you not see it is time for humility and not outrage?
So please, stop this foolish lashing out. Open your heart to God, accept Godâs will above your own and humble yourself.
I have had to you know, I thought I would simply join the other faithful and fight the Matari after they attacked. I thought punishment had come and ruin was my judgement until I heard about the miracle done by Empress Jamyl and the weapon she used to break the attack.
I thought too that her death would lead to something else, but I have seen that God showed her secrets that have not yet been revealed. The prosperity of the Empire now, especially after the burning of Delve, would take a thousand years to slow and is only rising. But how different it is from the war I thought would begin. How much greater was Godâs actual work than what I assumed would happen. How blessed I am to see the results though I wondered at Godâs plan. Truly I am blessed that the Empire will own New Eden as promised within my new lifetime as Empyrean. You too have been given this opportunity to live that long. How many events will we have to endure and keep our faith to God? What rewards could be waiting for us if we do?
But would you want to? Do you think that you could endure any test of your faith for that long?
I am well secure. Not because I can do no wrong, but because God is on my side. I hope you remember soon what that feels like because I fear greatly what it means if you still cannot let this go after such evidence of gods labors. If showing you how your life has been spared, how it has served Godâs work specifically helping me in my task does not bolster your faith then I honestly am at a loss. If you did not realize that I was literally trying to mimic the look in your eyes to convince others I was a lamb too then maybe you can realize that what you hate about me is just what you see reflected.
Either way I donât think it is worth discussing anymore until God opens your eyes. If his work is unwelcome around you then I am not going to lose anything by ignoring your sole complaints or your company.
And if he opens your heart, you see the glory of his work, not with me but with the Empress Jamyl, you will rid yourself of this cancer of doubt. Take example from the leader of your house. Take example from the Holders. Take example from the Chosen, accept God as infallible and reject your human assumptions and desires for how things should be or play out. Accept his work as holy, though you are too small to understand.
So stop this foolish consternation and un-wound yourself, submit to the will of God. To quarrel among the faithful is not what God desires and I am growing weary of being patient and gentle about your doubts while you seek to rile me up over how unfair it is I have never had the burden of doubting Godâs will too.
Perhaps Samira, the first thing you should accept is that it is Godâs will I should be the Kameira and you should be the one afraid for your material being when I come near you. It is past time I think for you to accept that God himself has proven you wrong about much of your assumptions of what it means to be free.
Free to fail, to fall to corruption and doubt and ruin. Doubt like questioning the divine order of the Empire itself because you, in your ignorance, thought the Empire would have been better if you got your way.
Gods will Samira, not ours.
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Thatâs a lot of words for ânuh uh.â
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They should look to their teachers. Kamiera are not teachers but enforcers. Any insight or guidance they get is not asked or sought like for a teacher. So I am looked to only to see if and how I will act, when that enforcement will come and in what form. You would not look to an Abaddon Battleship for education.
But you can learn a lot about the service to the faith and the failure to uphold it by seeing such warships in Godâs fleets.
What you will notice is that the Faithful are much more free to be gentle and kind when God appoints soldiers to fight for them. Such is the luxury God blesses scholars with as reward, they need not go to the Dani dens and smell it like I have had to.
But a scholar and Kameira serve the same God and purpose. And serves God the same I am very grateful that I can spare so many good people from having to deal with the kind of âinsight and guidanceâ I have. To see what insight into Heresy I share with those who are Heretic.
No⌠I am afraid my insights are often heard too late however much I endeavor to speak them well in advance of ruin.
Truly I am very concerned when one among the faithful must come to me for reassuring. Something must be wrong if people look to the executioner for advice on how to be a good citizen no?
But, you would be surprised how often even Holders require a small bolstering of faith. In that way I have served. Sometimes it can be as simple as the way a servant brings tea faithfully or the way a Kameira stands straight while on guard. It may seem trivial but all service to God is holy work and so it is far from trivial.
Any time I have been looked to for âbolsteringâ it has always been in very small moments and gestures. Often something as simple as the tone of my reply when they ask âYou would die for God without question Kameira?â
In truth Aria, if someone has doubts and speaks to Samira about them, even after all I have said about the doubts she keeps herself, I will be glad over them speaking to me. Would she not be much better suited to teach Godâs words and help another on the path of doubt? What could I understand about questions of faith when I would not have been born if I had any?
If a Holder expressed the same small gesture of doubt, looking for a small reassurance in the mature way of the faithful, but to Samira not me it might break her faith.
Perhaps such a thing happened in house Ardishapur, I knew at least once when Yonis spoke things he should not have and since those words found her ears perhaps it was what cracked her faith. Perhaps but it is personal to her so I wonât continue to speculate.
However, if Yonis Ardishapur had said the same words to his guard in private I have no doubt that the same Kameria guard would still have still remained faithful even after death.
And even better still that he never would have said them or that they never be thought.
Teachers, scholars, friends, family. They are all for helping the faithful. Kameria are for helping those like the former heir Ardishapur either reconsider this thoughts or frame them in a way more pleasing to God.
The proof is this, Kameira are not employed as religious police but only asked to assist in a strictly tactical sense in extreme need.
âWhich test reveals more of the soul, the test that a man will take to prove his faith, or the test that finds the man who believed his faith already proven? If you know this answer, then you also know which of these challenges bear the greatest penalty for failure. The gates of paradise will open for you one time only; woe to the soul who dares to knock twice.â
-Missions 5:14
You are the one it is speaking about Samira Untested.
Did you forget that this began because you were unhappy that I had undertaken a test of my faith to find if I was wanting and found myself stronger in faith than before? As I have done many, many, many, times before?
This is the very act that that passage describes Samira, the very act you have never undertaken. The very thing you are declining with your refusal to respond to what I have found in you.
Here I am testing your faith and you do not answer. You tested mine and I answered. Tell me, do you need to knock twice if the owner answers the first time Samira or if they do not?
You could not have picked a better verse to condemn you and assure me. Truly, God is on my side. Your doubts are on your own head, I see now they always were.
How wonderful God is, that you deliver the very message that frees me from concern or doubt over my service. Truly God rewards the faithful and causes the unfaithful to bring their own ruin.
Honestly, I am shocked at how marvelous God is to deliver me from any guilt and also to deliver the news from the very one who sought me to pursue that guilt.
God truly is amazing.
221 words, 944 characters not counting spacesâŚ
⌠for a âno uâ.
Methinks she doth protest too much.
Too long, wonât read.
Wasnât this supposed to be a discussion about the Caldari military?
It got hijacked by the prostlytizers.