This is Ministries Pellion, for the independent press organization, I Reject Your Reality, reporting live from Hek.
And the question on everyone’s mind tonight is what is in the water up in Hek?
Hek, the fourth or fifth largest Central Cluster market hub, and located in Minmatar space, https://wiki.eveuniversity.org/Trade_hubs, is undergoing a series of cultural shocks, that seems to be transforming this former dumpster dive into a hip hangout for the trend seeking and the trendsetters, and it all started on November 9th.
On November 9th, the biggest battle the Central Cluster has seen in ages took place in…Hek? https://www.reddit.com/r/Eve/comments/du5x5a/one_of_the_biggest_brawls_in_empire/
Shortly thereafter, Danger Gnomes, arguably highsec’s most quixotic, http://evenews24.com/2018/04/21/hisec-mercenary-alliance-vmg-coup/, mercenary group went back into business with a bang, against…Hog Hitmen?
And before Hek local could adapt to the DGees’ brand of smack talk, Danger Gnomes joined Hog Hitmen, and the Hitmen bit the hand that fed them, Hog Collective . So, were the DGees pulling another Vendetta? Or was the vendetta the Hitmen’s?
And then to muddy these already murky waters, the resident outlaw of Hek, Solstice Projekt, an outspoken critic of, well, everything, grew a conscious and wrote this op-ed piece: We demand a Zero Tolerance Policy for malicious rookie scammers, arguing for law enforcement and flashed it on the waves.
This piece by Projekt, in turn, inspired another group, an underground group judging by their incorporation date, calling themselves The Comedy Team of Reeeeebo and Zooty Zoot Zoot…to hold an open mic night in Hek’s local, singing this song, which (after tracking our crooner down) I reproduce here in full, and uncut. The melody for this endeavor the ZOOT claimed was an old sea shanty, entitled Gillegan’s Island (link courtesy of the Uoutube Archival Project, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8Uf8Zj9W24). This song, which The Troubador (his professional name) did “sing” in local, is called White Raven.
White Raven
Pabst captained and created
White Raven Enterprise.
He sailed upon the Lonetrek seas
With starlight in his eyes.
Until one day Boss Hog did sail
Into those sparkling seas
And claimed the lands before him
In his heart of greed.
*
"All this be Hog Collective’s
Just join us or you’re dead."
But Pabst asked, "Why?
The lands are wide, why can’t we share instead?"
Boss Hog did snort and turn an eye
Upon our hero, cold.
"This be the Hog Collective
Not some ole grubby hole.
These lands are vast, my hogs are fat,
I have one word for thee,
Assimilate, or gankers
Will drive thee from these seas."
(Drive thee from these seas.)
*
Pabst’s blue ribbon,
White Raven Enterprise,
Still sails these seas in ghostly ships
In our hearts and lives.
Pabst’s blue ribbon
We raise a beer to thee
Our hearts still 'member, n’shiver our timbers
With how you sailed these seas.
*
The gankers did come calling
The deccers did come next
And all because one angry Ham
Had to have his fix.
Pabst’s crew set sail upon the sea
In defiance fits
And suffered losses right and left
And sometimes scored a hit.
But tide and time did turn for Pabst.
His funds they did run low.
He left Lonetrek in tatters,
Defiance in his soul.
(Defiance in his soul.)
*
So, here this day we sing this song
And raise a glass and fist.
In memory of a man with heart
Who left this life with grit.
*
Pabst’s blue ribbon,
White Raven Enterprise,
Still sails these seas
In ghostly ships
In our hearts and lives.
Pabst’s blue ribbon
We raise a glass to thee,
Our hearts will not
Let memory rot
Of how you braved the seas.
*
Yes, caps, The Troubador actually sang that in Hek’s local.
So, is Hek Haute…or Not?
